Mama Renew

Welcome to Mama Renew! Blog, Groups, Retreats, & more.  We hope to offer you moments of inspiration and clarity, insight and questioning, and a sense of being part of this beautiful community that is Mama Renew.

Why Mama Renew? For us, the picture above says it perfectly:

Nurturing Community. Building Connections.  Being True to Ourselves and with each other.  Speaking our Minds.  Living from our Hearts. Sharing in our Journey and Helping Each Other find our way.  Laughter is good too.

If you live in BC, be sure to check out our fabulous groups for new and seasoned mothers.

Seasoned Mother?

Reconnect, Rebalance & Renew with MAMA RENEW in 2010

New Groups start this Spring around the Lower Mainland & Vancouver Island

New Mother?

Join a MOTHERS UNFOLDING circle together with your baby.

Sign up now on the right column to receive RENEW, our biweekly email digest, or a RSS feed.  You’ll also notice the share button at the bottom of each post to share favorites with friends on Facebook or by email.  We invite you to share your insights through the comments feature.

“Both Mama Renew and Mother’s Unfolding have been hugely positive for me in my own journey-  I’ll continue to renew, unfold, renew and unfold some more. Thank you for creating a safe space for me to explore and grow!” - Janice, 2009

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Last night I was blessed to join in a circle of fellow Kindergarten parents to explore the theme of the “hurried parent.”  We began by each sharing a recent treasured moment with our child. You could see each parent’s face transform as they described the beauty revealed from those moments of absolute mindful presence with their child.

Me, I found myself reflecting on the routine moments in the day  -  bath & bedtime, meals, bedtime stories…  As a self-employed working mother these are my primary moments with them. I felt sadness as other parents described forest explorations and games, feeling the loss of the hours I am not able to share with them.

In our family we are striving to no longer use the word “busy”, but my life is indeed full. Very full.   I’m doing good work, and I know that my boys take pride in what I give to our wider community, and that my work is an integral part of what helps me feel whole.  This does not change, however, the sense of loss I feel as a working mother.

As we talked, I thought of these routine moments I share with them, and how beautiful they are.  We have our rhythms and rituals, our secrets and treats.  I can’t change how full my life is, but I can have both compassion for myself in this delicate balance I strive to maintain, and I can give my whole self to the moments I share with them.

Miss Ruth, the Kindergarten teacher, took me aside this morning and shared words of experience and perspective as a working mother.   It is good to know that we are living these full lives within a broader community, and the circle of support is there to both honour where we are, and give us that gentle nudge when we need it.

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Today is the first day of Spring, or at least traditionally it has been celebrated as such within the Celtic calendar.  And February 2nd, of course, is our modern equivalent - Groundhog day. Whether you’re still buried in snow, or seeing the first signs of spring (we found a crocus today!), here are a few musings on this ancient celebration.

February 1st is the festival Brigid, called Imbolc, which translates as “in the belly”, referring to the ewes who begin to lactate at this time of year in preparation for the birth of their lambs.  Brigid is the Gaelic goddess of poetry, healing, smithcraft (metal working) and fire.  Imbolc is known as a festival of the hearth and home, where candles and fires burn bright on this day to represent the pending return of the sun and the warm days to come.

Winter can be a long and cold time.  It can bring isolation for some, and getting out of the house sometimes feels overwhelming (20 minutes to put on snow pants, hats, gloves & boots and then they announce they have to pee - been there?  I have…) Spring is close, but it may not feel close enough.  Our culture is woefully lacking in ways to honour this transition from winter to spring, helping us feel the warmth that is ahead.  Here are a few ideas of our own:

Bask in the warmth and glow of some candles or a fire tonight.

Get out the seed catalogs & start planning this year’s garden!

In honour of Brigid, read through a favorite book of poetry.

Go out for a family walk & search for signs of spring -

green buds, snow drops, cherry blossoms preparing to bloom…

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A dear friend recently announced her New Years intention with a gleam in her eye:

“I’m going to do things just because I want to.”

So simple, and yet so complex.  Another good friend once shared this wisdom: “The baby comes out, and the guilt goes in.”  Based on our observations from supporting thousands of new mothers, we have to agree.  Our capacity for guilt is astounding.

Why not do exactly what you want?  There are many good reasons - safety, responsibility, obligations… We of course live in relationship with loved ones, work, and countless other responsibilities.  However there is an inner voice that sometimes emerges that perhaps we shouldn’t listen to - the one that says:

“That would be selfish” or “I’d feel too guilty taking time away” or “What if they need me?”

Now I’m not suggesting that life become “All My Needs All the time.”   This isn’t about neglecting the world around us, it’s about listening beyond our guilt voice and gifting ourselves with moments that are lived from the heart.

It could be a simple as sitting down with a good book instead of washing the dishes.  Or as grand as going on a weekend retreat simply because you need some me time.  Either way, you will reap the benefits.  Go ahead, do it Just Because You Want To.

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What do you want to do? Just because.

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Of all the good intentions for a new year, one of the most effective ways to bring change into ones life is to simply clear the clutter, one of the most important and yet least acknowledged aspects of self-care. When we are surrounded by remnants of our busy lives it is hard to find a way to live in a way that allows us to be whole.

On the Mothering.com forum one woman posted a challenge to clear 5 items a day for 30 days = 150 items gone from your life.  We agree that this is a prime time of year to clear the clutter - with the colder weather we spend a lot more time inside surrounded by our stuff…

Our family began the quest to clear clutter in the beginning of January.  It has, not surprisingly, gone in spurts, with wild days of clearing, and moments of feeling like we’ve released enough.  We’re finding, though, that after a few days of feeling “done”, a new awareness settles in of readiness to dive into yet another corner of our home.

Is there such a thing as “done” or “clear”?  As a talented hoarder of things that I “might do something with one day” I recognize that there will always be things in my life that I’m just not ready to let go of.  And I’ve been through enough clearing binges to know that each time I reach a new level of clarity on what I truly want to have in my life.

While we may not be “done” quite yet, the kitchen feels infinitely more manageable these days with clear counters and room on the shelves.  And the hallway cabinet even has a few empty drawers that I don’t even know how to fill.  We can see the floor in the basement again.  And it feels Good.  Tonight?  The craft collection…my favourite place to hoard.

As for the challenge,we’re well beyond 150!  Turns out if you get me at the “right time of the month” I can get rid of just about anything…

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Care to join me in the challenge?

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The New Year is a wonderful opportunity to declare our resolutions with the best of intentions and the hope that maybe this will be the year . . . .

At the core, our resolutions are often based on our desire to reconnect, rebalance and renew. We’ve all seen friends who successfully make extraordinary changes in their lifestyle, fitness, relationships, and more. We know that resolutions can be met with success, but also require time, dedication and support.

In the busy life of motherhood making a commitment to a resolution isn’t always easy. The needs of family, work, and household can make it difficult to follow through. While stating our desire to change is of course, the first step, it is the following steps are where we tend to lose our way.

Here are a few practical ideas to help you have your best chance at success:

* Talk with a friend who has made a successful change - what helped?
* Share your resolution in a public way – Blog? Monthly e-mail updates? Support group?
* Ask friends to check in with you about your progress.
* Journal the ups and downs and strive to understand the underlying beliefs and patterns that can get in the way of successful change.

What is your next step to support you in living your best intentions in this fresh new year?

Originally shared by Mama Renew on Kindervibe, January 5th 2010

On her recent post blogger Mommy Instincts bemoans:

Why can’t I have it all together?….

I hear you, mama. I hear this over and over again from mothers. I hear it inside my own head all the time. As she writes, “I am in a constant battle with myself.”

I have this vision of what my life could look like if I just had it all together. A lot of it revolves around clutter - the stuff that takes up the space in my life. Some of it is “to do clutter” - you know, the things on the list that I haven’t dealt with, and as a result are weighing on me. Some of it is inner clutter - beliefs & assumptions that I would do well to set aside.

At the core of it all though is this inner belief that so many of us carry - that somehow all the other mothers “have it all together,” and only we are floundering.

While some may on the surface appear to have things “together” in ways you can only dream of, there is always something that has to “give”. Each of us makes our peace with our reality - our unique children’s needs, work & school schedules, our home space - and strives to find a balance that will work.

A balance that will work is a hard thing to find, but I do believe it’s out there. According to the dictionary the true meaning of balance is all about harmonious distribution. I find this enormously freeing.

The mythical life balance and “having it all together” simply isn’t out there - but I do believe that there can be harmony.

In these the final 24 hours of 2009, I invite all of you who are feeling out of whack to ponder: What will help bring harmony & ease into the year to come?

The shifts can be small, and they do make a difference. The first step, perhaps, is releasing our own inner judgment - the very foundation of self-care.

Reaching out and sharing our messy life with those we love helps us know that this struggle for mythical “togetherness” is a shared one. Thank you, Mommy Instincts, for bringing your own inner struggle to this public forum. You’re not alone.

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Time for “other mother” confessions - tell us about your piles, your lists, your inner battles with the mythical “other mother.”

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We know that self-care is all about the small moments.  The five minute stretch, tea with a friend, saying no, asking for help…  Each of these nurtures our growth as women and mothers, and represent one step forward on the path of Mama Renew.  In honour of the small moments, we are excited to share with you our new biweekly email & blog update:

Welcome to RENEW

featuring one self-care inspiration

and links to our latest blog postings.

One short inspiring RENEW every other week
No more, no less, sweet & simple.

SNOW DAY!!!!

We realize that those words may not evoke feelings of pure wonder & excitement in all of you.

Along with the glory of a heavy snow fall comes the complete revisioning of the day ahead.  If you have school-aged children, you will know well the quick mental reshuffle that occurs when they are unexpectedly at home all day long.

We got an email from our younger son’s Kindergarten teacher today with the following:

In a circle of friends we were reflecting on favourite childhood memories.  Five out of seven had memories of sharing with family on a now day.  No pressure?! Really.

There is something special about a snow day.  The world is quiet(er).  The desire to bake grows stronger.  Perhaps we too can treat it as a Mama Renew day.  A day of play.  Of embracing the unexpected.  Celebrating our children and their utter glee.

Amidst it all, remember to sit down for a quiet mug of hot chocolate (with whipped cream, of course) while they play.

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Favourite snow day memories?

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Another Holiday Season is upon us.

A busy time, yes, but also one when we are deeply aware of the importance of family and tradition, and the cycle of the seasons.  As we navigate the holiday parties and gift lists, our sense of connection with the fundamental rhythm of the season can be diminished.

It is interesting to note that in labour, a core coping approach for most women involves some element of rhythm.  Rocking, moaning, swaying, breath, each of these offers a sense of ritual, a grounding in something that feels solid in the midst of the unknown.

In this busy holiday season we also long for rhythm, seeking some sense of connection with our foundation of family and tradition.  In her book Seven Times the Sun, Shea Darian writes:

“The rhythm of family is a crucial catalyst in restoring the rhythm of the world.”

Perhaps our best response to the whirlwind of the holiday season is to return to our first rhythms, those of our family.  A daily family walk,  bedtime songs, faith traditions & pizza night.  Each of these helps to create a safe space in which we and our children can feel held in rhythm with our needs rather than drawn into the needs of the world around us.

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How do you create rhythm within your family?

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Where’s all my soul sisters?

Lemme Hear Y’all Flow Sisters!

On Saturday night ten ordinary mothers went missing.  In their place emerged the Soul Sisters of Sunrise, setting aside beloved wool sweaters and rain boots for a parade of costumes that included evening gowns, bling, 1940s swing wear,  lingerie and fishnets.   The occasion?  The parent talent show fundraiser for our tiny Sunrise Waldorf School on Vancouver Island, BC.

It all started with a simple email invitation, and 10 of us answered with astounding enthusiasm.  By the 3rd night it was clear this was no ordinary talent show act - our set list was anything but tame.  Fever (a la Peggy lee), Candyman (Cristina Aguilera - see below), and um…. Lady Marmalade (Pink & Friends).

Our mission clear, we devoted ourselves to an intensive weekly rehearsals lasting 3-4 hours each.   This level of commitment reveals how much each of us was gaining from the group.  Reconnecting with former lives in theatre, dance & music, a sense of discovery in one another as we let ourselves get wilder by the week, and the satisfaction that comes from creating something special together in a group.

Appropriately, the show was a benefit for a new Social Inclusion program at the school.  Our time together revealed the importance of connecting with other parents in playful, creative ways - getting to know one another beyond the assumptions made in the school parking lot.  Courage, trust and sisterhood were all needed to step forward in glamorous gear and share with our school community our wild side…  Pics to come soon, once I have permission from all my beloved soul sisters.

For now I’ll let you imagine with the video from candyman…

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Inspired? Amused?

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by Sarah

When I was in my early twenties I got really excited about the idea of painting watercolour covers for all my cassette tapes.  Dozens of tape cases and a few paintings in my journals later, I set the paints aside recognizing that i had no great talent or skill in this particular art form.

Here’s the catch:  I really enjoyed it.

And yet I set it aside.  I allowed my thinking brain, my inner judge, to bring an end to an activity that had brought me great delight.

Now, almost twenty years later, I am painting again.  This time on canvas with acrylics.  While dancing.  Yes, I am dancing and painting! My dear friend Sybille offers a Dance Your Painting workshop.  Once a week we gather in circle and she shares our theme for the morning, exploring the energy of each of the 7 chakras.   She guides us into movement and so it begins.

There is no need to stand puzzled before a blank canvas or to come with a brilliant artistic inspiration.  My thinking brain is set aside and as I dance, the images come to me.  When I am ready I pick up the brush and begin.  My paintings are filled with strong colours, swirls and curves.  Each time I feel stuck or begin to Think, Analyze or Judge, my hips begin to sway to the music and I set down the brushes to allow myself to simply feel the painting.

“Don’t try to paint what you feel.  Feel and paint.”

- Michelle Cassou

My days are full and the to do list is long.  Once a week all this is set aside.  The movement, the colour, the unknown of what each dance and canvas will bring.  I am enchanted.

Now for the truly brave moment - here are a few of my works of art for your viewing pleasure!  Grab some wine, crackers and cheese and enjoy my very first gallery opening…

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I got lost recently.  Wandering on a university campus and trying to find my way, I asked first one, then two, then three passersby for directions.  Not one of them could help.  Discouraged, I gave up on asking, somehow believing that if they couldn’t help me then nobody could.

Still wandering 15 minutes later, I took a deep breath and asked again.  This friendly woman shrugged as she pointed to a path and told me to “go down the path through between those 2 buildings and then ask again.”

What a gift.  She helped me as much as she could and ordered me to ask for help again.  In a brief, random encounter she modeled the essential life skill of asking for help, and asking again if needed.

While we grow up hearing the phrase “if at first you don’t succeed, try try again,” when it comes to asking for help sometimes even the first attempt is daunting. How often as a mother do you need help, but hesitate to ask?  Or you ask once, and then give up and move forward without the help you need?

When we ask again, we are stepping more fully into the reality of our need, and believing that the support we need will be there for us.

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Do you need help with something?

Have you asked once?  Twice?

Still need help? Go ahead - ask again!

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This month’s Mama Renewed is Charmaine, mother of Franny (4 1/2), cancer survivor, and adoptive parent in waiting.  We supported her through birth with our sister practice, Dancing Star Birth, new motherhood in our very first Mothers Unfolding group, and now as a seasoned mother with Mama Renew.

About Charmaine

I’m the oldest of 2 daughters, born and raised in the Okanagan to immigrant parents. I’m an interior designer by training but I have recently decided to let go of this practice to find another creative outlet and focus on raising my daughter.  Three words to describe me?  Thoughtful, creative thinking, and able to tell the truth and go deep (ok, more than 3 words!).

I’ve recently been through some momentous life changes (miscarriages, cervical cancer, family deaths, and infertility) and have managed to find a positive outlook and honour the gifts within all that has happened.

Why Mama Renew?

When I heard about Mama Renew I was hooked by the words “a group for mothers to find balance and renew themselves.”  I was, and am always seeking to go deeper, to know truth and explore myself more. I love being connected to other like minded women, inspiring and feeling inspired.

New Insights

I didn’t know how important self-care was. Mama Renew got me to break away from self pity and resentment. Taking time out to have adult thoughts and activities was a revelation. It seemed both foreign and strangely indulgent to take time for myself. How far from the old me had I strayed…

Our Mama Renew group has continued meeting beyond our official session, and after 2 years of meeting we know each other so well we are able to settle in right away to what’s most important to us.  A core part of self-care for me is connecting and sharing with my women friends.

The listening and support I received in Mama Renew helped me focus on healing, acceptance and ultimately to happiness. I am so lucky to be alive and living this beautiful life.

Challenges

My biggest self-care challenge is that I get overwhelmed if I have too many things going on. This is easy to do since I love being involved and getting out there. Life balance for me means going slow, being with my friends and family and being creative.

Moving Forward

I recently participated in the first annual Mama Renew retreat, a powerful weekend and another step in my transformation.  Just after the retreat, I was feeling very full of life and planned a naked photo shoot with a friend. I pranced around our property with an orange silk scarf, running down trails, nestling in the grasses of the meadow and perching under a pine tree in a peaceful Siddhartha pose.

While the photo shoot was outside my normal comfort zone, it was a wonderful experience. I thought it was a good idea to celebrate myself for where I am now, celebrating my 40th year. Thank you Mama Renew for sparking me to take risks and get outside my comfort zone!

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You know the feeling.  You’re thirsty. But you’ve pushed the sensation aside in favour of making school lunches or just one more chapter of a good book.  By the time you get around to having a drink you are parched, and find yourself guzzling rather than sipping.

We’ve been working with mothers long enough to know that moms are really, really good at delaying that metaphorical sip of water. We’re good at talking about our desire for self-care, our longing for balance, and the challenges we’re facing, and not always so good at taking steps towards change. The busy nature of family life too often takes precedence, and our needs are set aside.

We got a registration the other day from a mother wanting to join one of our Mama Renew groups.  She described her eager anticipation of the group, “My spirit feels like its about to drink a big, needed glass of water.”  She captured the essence of Mama Renew perfectly.

Many mothers are doing great things with their free time - yoga classes, book clubs, choirs and more.  Each of these has the potential to nurture and inspire, and build a community of support.  There’s something different, however, about the Mama Renew journey.  When we go beyond sips and take the time to enjoy a long cool class of water, we experience a deeper level of nourishing and growth.

Whether you’re enjoying our blog, or taking a Mama Renew group, we hope you’re taking some great big gulps along the way.

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Gracias a La Vida….Que me ha dado tanto

Mercedes Sosa, legendary folk singer from Argentina (and mother of one), died this week at age 74.  Her voice was one of immense power and conviction, and she used her gift of song through a lifetime of working towards social justice.  Her most famous song, perhaps, is Gracias a La Vida, and when you hear her voice carry these words, you cannot helpful but feel gratitude.

Gracias a La Vida - Thank You to Life.  Ok, it doesn’t sound nearly as good in english, and a translation here simply will not do justice to the beauty of this song.  Even if you don’t speak Spanish, the power of her voice will carry you.  At the core is a deep thankfulness for the beauty of our being in the world.

In honour of Mercedes, and in honour of the beauty of your own life, we encourage you to live this day (and this lifetime!)  in gratitude.

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What are you thankful for today?

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