Mama Renew

We are deeply moved by the words of Kelly Corrigan in her Youtube video, On Women and Strength.  She has captured with grace and profound insight the journey of a circle of mothers as our families grow, and we too grow old together.  Her worlds bring tears to our eyes, and make us recognize just how essential these life friendships are.

We know of many Mothers Unfolding and Mama Renew groups who have continued meeting for months and even years after we started our sessions together.  When we share from the heart in open and real ways, we sow the seeds for a lifetime of friendship.  Authenticity creating connection….

She begins…

My mom and her friends called themselves the pigeons…They started in the ’60s in suburban Philadelphia with bridge, tennis, chardonnay (ok, vodka) and over time became something like a dedicated fleet armed ships sailing together weather be damned.  For me it started and women of my generation it started with playdates, cutting carbs,  and meeting on monday mornings in workout clothes to do awkward moves with large colourful balls, and i can see exactly where it is heading…

Get your hanky, watch it now, and share with friends!

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Ok, so he’s a father of two, not a mama, but we are wowed by the story of Ken Lavigne, a tenor from Victoria, BC, who lived his dream this week by performing at Carnegie Hall.    Here’s a man who had a lifelong dream and took the extraordinary measures needed to bring his dream to reality.

Only a small percentage of the world’s top singers ever have the opportunity to sing at Carnegie Hall.  Lavigne decided to stop waiting for the invitation and simply booked Carnegie Hall for himself, along with the New York Pops Orchestra.  After extensive fundraising he was able to raise $140,000 of the $200,000 needed to stage his dream.  Why live small?

A stellar performance and three standing ovations later, Ken Lavigne now stands as an extraordinary example of what we in Mama Renew define as “outrageous living.”  After the show, he shared “Just to stand on that stage and sing the music that I wanted to sing was an accomplishment and an ending in itself  – whether anyone comes or not, it doesn’t matter.”

We stand in absolute admiration of his vision and courage, and it has us wondering about our own dreams.  While performing at Carnegie Hall may be a bit of a stretch for most of us, we all have things that we’ve always wanted to do.  Too often we set those dreams aside.

Outrageous is defined as “exceeding the limits of what is usual.”  What Lavigne accomplished is certainly not within the limits of the usual.  Beyond his performance, however, is perhaps a far greater achievement:  each and every person who saw him perform or read of his journey was reminded of their own dreams, and that the limits we perceive to be holding us back may not be there at all.

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What about you?  Dream big.

Exceed the limits of what is usual.

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An email we received this week left us somewhere between raucous laughter and deep sadness, and the wonderful mama who went it to us has given permission to share.

Moving and establishing new roots is a challenge for most of us.   Sometimes we are welcomed into new circles like old friends, and other times it can take years before the walls have been lowered and real friendships formed.

Here is the story of a mama who recently moved and decided to reach out after having a less than warm reception at local playgroups. She decided to post an ad in the local classifieds.  Intended to be listed under Childcare, the newspaper moved it to the Dating – Friendship section.

Here is the original ad:

Okay, I do feed my kids limited amounts of sugar, they watch copious amounts of t.v. and they get naked time.  Now that’s out of the way, I am a 30 something mom with 2 young children.  I’ve done the Mom’s groups and tried library time, but in all honesty I need a play date that doesn’t involve obsessing over parenting trends and over-analyzing my children’s development.

I am looking to get together with some grounded, down-to-earth parents who would like to chat with maybe a little less focus on child rearing.  My kids play well with others and provide me unlimited amounts of laughter and entertainment.  Now I want to mix in some adult laughter and fun.

That same day she received her first response:

Not sure if you are wanting a single guy with no kids or what kind of play date you’re looking for.         I am interested -  just curious.  I love playing, etc… sexual or nonsexual.  Thanx.

Not exactly what she had in mind!  Thankfully, in addition to a few responses similar to the above, she did receive some nice ones from other mothers:

1.  I liked your ad… I have a hard time finding somewhere my son and I can fit in and be ourselves.

2.  You made me laugh!  I`ve been here for close to a year and have tried the Mommy meetups, etc…  and they are not for me.  I have a 22 month old boy who likes to run wild and play… I`m not uptight or judgmental.

3.  I am the mother of 2 boys, 17 months and 3 years and I feel the same way as you about the Mommy groups.  I just need to get out of the house and find a friend who is not all about the colour of the poop.

These responses offer such a vivid picture of the need for groups that foster a deeper level of connection.  In Mama Renew friendships form with a depth that goes far beyond the colour of poop – women in our groups are often surprised to find that we almost never talk about our children.  We love witnessing groups of women who may have never met otherwise, some of whom have very different parenting styles, come together with absolutely heartfelt honesty and connection within the context of the journey of motherhood.

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What about you? What are you seeking in your friendships?

What kind of playdate are you looking for???!

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This month’s Mama Renewed is Bonnie Jarvis, mama to 3 lovely children (Faire, almost 7, Shea, 5, & Isla, 19 months), and co-founder of Doula Mamas.

About Bonnie

I consider myself “Mom” first and foremost, but also love my time with DoulaMamas as  a birth doula and teaching our Sibling Preparation Classes.  Mostly, though, I am Mama, taking my kids to and from school, baking, knitting, reading, and enjoying my little one who is growing too fast!

Why Mama Renew?

I worked as an Early Childhood Educator for years before having children of my own.  As the Big Sister in my family I took care of my siblings at a pretty young age.  I had spent so much of my life taking care of others – it was time to take a little care of myself!  I was looking for a supportive group of women to surround me while I explored my relationship with self-care.

New Insights

The very first session made such a difference by helping me think outside of “mama” and inside of “Bonnie”.  I had defined myself by what I was doing in terms of raising my children for so long.  The first chapter forced me to think about myself beyond that, reconnecting me to the person I was before I became a mother and inviting that woman back into my life.

Challenges

I think I will be working on the concept of “Good is Good Enough” for years to come!  Life with 3 young ones means things are going to have to be Good Enough at some point nearly every day. I think I have become pretty good at saying Good is Good Enough, but still have trouble accepting that it is indeed Good Enough.  I’d like to come to a place where I don’t have to qualify it with “enough” and simply embrace things as they are, “Good is Good.”

On Self-Care

I know right away when I am out of balance, usually when I’ve spent a little too long meeting every one else’s needs and not tending to my own.  Favourite self-care activities include a girls’ night out with friends, or a date with my husband.  I let our busyness push aside my belly dancing for 2 years – this fall, I simply wrote it back in the calendar, and it is staying there.  Tuesday night is my night to be a belly dancer, not a Mama!

I have such a wonderful support system:  my husband will happily give me all the time I need – the only thing I have to do is TELL HIM! I’m trying to be open and honest about what I need, but asking for help isn’t something that comes easy.

Next Steps

I’ve decided to stop letting my desires and interests become a lower priority.  Life is busy, and it is so easy to let the so-called “extras” slide, but I gain so much when I take  break and read or knit or blog while my little one naps and the dishes don’t get done.  I don’t want to feel guilty because I am taking time for myself.

My first reaction to our busy family life is usually one of a martyr – “oh fine, I’ll add this to my ever-growing list of things I need to do and guess i won’t have any time for myself this week.”  I dream of the day that it is second-nature to place my self-care on the top of the list. There are still too many evenings where I collapse at the end of the day and realized I haven’t had any downtime.  But it is coming, and for now, it’s Good!

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Those of you who are working mothers know well the challenges of work-life balance.  The Times Colonist had an interesting article today,  Work-life balance a challenge for Canadians, addressing the economic downturn and its impact on working parents. Staffing cuts, longer hours, and workplace stress are all on the rise.

The article quotes a study from the University of Ottawa indicating that “Forty-four per cent of Canadians say their work has a negative impact on their family and interferes with the time they spend with their children, the report found, while 26 per cent of fathers and 33 per cent of mothers suffer excessive stress from lack of time.”

Let’s repeat that - 33% of working mothers experience excessive stress! In our Mama Renew sessions we have witnessed the impact of this “excessive stress.”  The first things we tend to set aside are good nutrition and exercise.  Our parenting suffers, and too often our children and partner bear the brunt of the stress.

Andrea Coutu, a Vancouver marketing consultant, commented in the article,  “I think all parents are taxed to the limits regardless of what choice they’ve made, because it’s just a different set of balls that you’re juggling, it’s not that the balls ever go away.”

She’s right.  There is so much focus on work-life balance that the question of parenting-life balance is seldom given its due. Regardless of whether we are full-time parents, or full or part-time employed for ourselves or others, the question of how to juggle it all seems to be ever present.  The balls don’t ever go away, but we do wonder if there isn’t a way we can bring more “ease” to our juggling?

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What does life balance mean to you?

What helps you bring “ease” to the juggling?

What do you need in your life to feel that balance?

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Where there is a group of women gathered, there is generally chocolate.  It is rare for us to mentor a Mama Renew group without some chocolate being shared among participants.   We  bring it out of our bags with that conspiratorial and anticipatory glow of the satisfaction to come.

There are lots of reasons that most women love chocolate, and there is of course a whole realm of research focused on our relationship with it.   Our favourite is the research that shows it is good for us, like the study in 2004 in which women who ate chocolate every day in pregnancy had happier babies.

Another study from 2oo8 found that chocolate consumption in pregnancy could help prevent preclampsia, a serious complication.  Now of course the researcher felt compelled to add that the “results do not mean pregnant women can eat all the chocolate they want”  She further warns us that “excess consumption of all sweets can lead to weight gain and other health problems” !

So…if you’re looking to engage in some seriously delicious self-care, we suggest you attend the upcoming Chocolate Bliss Workshop at Heart Centre Yoga in Burnaby.

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CHOCOLATE BLISS WORKSHOP

Learn how chocolate can be healthy and indulge in healthy whole food chocolate recipes guilt-free. This workshop covers: history of the cocao bean, the nutritional differences between milk chocolate, dark chocolate and raw cacao, and why cacao is considered a superfood. Food sampling, interactive cooking demo, and free recipes. Come on an empty stomach, be prepared to experience chocolate bliss!

Presenter: Farah Nazarali

Farah Moolji Nazarali is a Yoga Instructor, Laughter Leader, and Culinary Artist. Through her small business- the Smiling Yogi, she aspires to help people to lead healthy, active, and joyful lives.

Saturday, February 7, 2009 3:00pm to 5:00pm

$35.00 Please pre-register/pre-pay

To learn more, visit the event Facebook Page or the Heart Centre Yoga website

Inspired by our Best of Intentions post, we had an idea.  Like most families we have a list of projects that need doing – some important, and many that would just be really nice to have done.  We challenge you to try the same:

1. Sit down together with a candle burning and some nice music on – we find it’s always nicer making a list when the vibe is good.

2. Creatively list together your top 15 projects that need doing.  Ours include finally writing that will, hanging that new cabinet, clearing out the hall closet, full body massages (we do need them), organizing the digital photos, you get the picture.  Mostly projects, and a few treats thrown in for good measure.  Ideally they should take no more than an hour.

3. As you make the list there is no judgment, blaming, or guilt allowed about who has or hasn’t done what.  Remember, there is a candle burning & the vibe is good.

4. Cut out 15 pieces of paper.  Even more fun?  Use those scrapbooking scissors with funky edges, or hand decorate each piece together.  Write each task on it’s own paper.

5. Find a special box or bowl and put them in, folded up or face down so you can’t peek.

6. Once a week for the next fifteen weeks draw a card together and go to it!  No excuses, no moaning, no groaning, this is a choice you made together to clear your life of these pesky dangling projects.

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What are your top fifteen?  Light that candle tonight and go for it!

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By Sarah

There is something about turning 40 that makes one suddenly get really clear on what is needed to life a healthy, full life.   For me, it’s all about getting fabulously fit for forty. I have the next six months (my birthday is July 12th) to work towards my goal, and a lifetime to enjoy and keep it up!

Now yes, I do live a full and beautiful life now as a size 16-18.  But I’m tired a lot of the time, the arthritis in my knees is only getting worse, and I want my family to enjoy a healthy, vibrant me who enjoys long hikes rather than dreads them.  My goal is to have a toned, healthy body weight that supports my desired active lifestyle rather than limits it.

After seven plus years of baby making and feeding I am finally ready to come back into my body.  This is not the first time I’ve tried to get in shape.  My husband is tired of new years resolutions, and I don’t blame him.  I have experienced some wonderful changes in life balance through my Mama Renew group, but exercise is an essential self-care practice I have managed to resist over and over again.

What is different this time? More than anything I simply feel like the time is Now.  No more excuses.  No more procrastination.   I am done with putting so much mental energy into feeling out of shape, and ready to simply Be In Shape.

I am inviting all of you to join me on this journey.  I will continue to post my musings on my quest to be fabulously fit at forty, including my challenges and discoveries along the way.

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Care to join me?

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We published a new article on Babyvibe today exploring the statement that “everything will change” that so many well-meaning friends and strangers share with us during pregnancy.   For now, we will share an excerpt with you:

Life as a Parent

Ask any expectant mom or dad what advice they hear the most and the answer is usually: “Everything is going to change.” Other favourites? “Get some sleep while you still can,” “Just you wait,” and the ever cheerful, “Life as you know it is about to end!”

To many, these pronouncements are received with a unique blend of hopeful denial, mild dread, and utter delight. We like sleeping through the night, traveling on a whim, and a good slow morning coffee and paper. At the same time, we eagerly anticipate the feeling of holding our child in our arms.

We know the changes are coming, we just don’t know what they will be like for us. It is hard to imagine life as a parent until you’re on the other side. We learn through experience – all the imagination in the world cannot equal the intuitive knowing that emerges as we hold our babies for the first time.

You can read the whole article here on Babyvibe.

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What about you?  How has parenthood changed your life?

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How does your To Do list look this year?  How many projects do you have lurking in corners?  Photo albums, taxes, writing a will, work or reno projects, and thank you cards are common culprits for most of us… The best of intentions.  The project we Know we Should do, but somehow Don’t do.  We may even Want to, but we Don’t.

For over a year the concept of the Mama Renew blog sat patiently on our To Do list, waiting for the day that we would devote some loving energy to bring it to life.

Now here we are, one simple week of loving attention and focus and magically our blog has come to life.  It is so exciting to see the great potential for community building and sharing the Mama Renew message.

Now, as so often happens when we finish something that we’ve been pondering for ages, I find myself wondering – why didn’t this happen a year ago?  What held us back?  A big part of it was the fear of having to learn something new.  For an entire year we said “we should make this happen”, and didn’t.  We were giving our energy and attention to what we weren’t doing rather than simply Doing it!

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What about you?  What wonderful projects have you left lurking on your To Do list?  How often do you find yourself thinking, “I can’t believe I haven’t done that yet”, and then once again not doing it?  What do you need to get started?

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