Mama Renew

It’s 5:30 p.m. and Mama has NO idea of what to cook tonight.  The children are hungry, tired, and likely cranky.  This scene plays itself out over and over again in kitchens around the world.  We may have beans in the cupboard, soup in the freezer, and a cabbage in the fridge, but none of these do a meal make without the time and vision to pull them together into a meal.

In Mama Renew groups we often find ourselves exploring ways to simplify and ease the strain of household responsibilities.  Our discussions have raised some interesting possibilities around food & dishes:

1. Tired of the pile of dishes?

No, don’t switch to paper.  Consider, however, keeping only the bare minimum of dishes in the cupboard.  Try a month with only one plate, one bowl, and one set of utensils per person.  You benefit from a less daunting pile of dishes, and the necessity to wash them Now rather than waiting a few days until the counters are covered again.

A simpler version of this is to choose one glass per family member to last the week.  It helps to choose a different style for each of you – kids loving having a choice.

2. Didn’t Plan this Week’s Meals yet?

The advanced planning of family meals  is a standard tip that we hear over and over again.  It seems so simple, and yet most of us never get around to doing it.  So….we won’t tell you to do it.  We will, however, share this much simpler idea – theme nights.  What if Monday was Pasta, Tuesday Seafood, Wednesday Stirfry, Thursday Soup, Friday, Pizza, and so on….  We’ve found that simply knowing the genre of food to be cooked that night simplifies things immeasurably.  It’s helpful for your children as well, providing a rhythm to family meals that they can depend on.

Looking for menu inspiration?  Go no further than our latest discovery – Tastespotting – a delicious collection of foodie blog recipes with photos that will leave you feeling both inspired to cook, and Hungry.

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Happy Eating!  What secrets have you found to simplify mealtimes?

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Ok, so we’re on Twitter now as Mama Renew.  Still learning the ropes and finding ways to build connections and community with it.  For now, we’re enjoying the soundbites from our “twitter followers”.  From one of the mamas at yoyobelly this morning came this gem: “Every day, I’m more and more amazed by the power of ‘just asking’ for what you want.”

Asking for help is one of the most basic human skills, and one that we seem to master as children and then gradually lose as we grow into adulthood.  Our children ask for help all the time – with clothing, bum wiping, snacks, shoelace tying, homework, lego construction, a bandaid, conflict with a sibling or friend.  They ask freely and with absolute confidence in the merit of their request.

A friend who works in fundraising talks about making the “ask”.  This is that moment in a fundraiser luncheon when someone stands up and lets you know the real reason you’re there.   Founder of Habitat for Humanity Millard Fuller once said, “I always find that you get more money when you ask for it than when you don’t.“  The moment of the ask needs to be delivered with confidence and conviction.  If you don’t believe in what you’re asking for, neither will those you are asking.

As mothers, Asking for Help is sometimes one of our biggest challenges.  We worry about imposing, how it might reflect on our ability to cope, creating obligation, seeming weak… The belief that we should be able to do it all runs strong.

When we Just Ask, however, something magical almost always emerges.  A friend or family member or even a complete stranger steps in and says Yes.  In that moment we are not only asking for And receiving what we need, but also helping to remind others – Just Ask.

Thank you for the reminder, yoyobelly!

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How often do you ask for what you need? How does it feel?

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Several years ago a group of us came together to form The Birth Lounge, seeking to share the strong community of care that is available to support new families in our region.

The fabulous women of the Birth Lounge: Karen, Jennifer-Lee, Sarah, Stephanie, Erin, Callie, Kat, Lehe, & Raeghan

As we talked, we found a shared frustration with the corporate trade-shows that have become commonplace.  First comes love (the sex show), then comes marriage (the bridal show), then comes baby (the baby show), and over and over again the masses fill the convention centre.  High vendor prices are out of reach for the small businesses (many of them mompreneurs) that are the heart of our community.

We began to dream of creating a truly family-centred event with a festive vibe celebrating all that our community has to offer.  And so Birth Fest was born.  Last weekend we celebrated our 3rd annual Birth Fest, magically transforming a community centre gym into a luscious Birth Lounge.  Banners from Thailand graced the stage, red velvet curtains framed the entrance, a nurture nook tent with couches and magical lanterns offered rest and nourishment for little ones and their parents,  and the live music ranged from festive to groovy to funky.

Thank you to the almost 1000 of you who joined us for this year’s Birth Fest.  We had a grand time, and given the response, we suspect we’re on to something… To keep the spirit of Birth Fest going year round, we are adding a new mompreneur profile feature to our blog.  Watch for our first profile next month!

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How did you enjoy Birth Fest?

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We published a new article on Babyvibe today exploring ways to nurture our relationships as partners and parents.  For now, we will share an excerpt with you:

Changing Relationships

Children change our relationships – with ourselves, partners, friends, family, and even with our work – change is a given.

For women with partners, the changes can be both heart-warming and challenging. We are learning to see one another as partners and parents, and too often we let the partner part slip amidst the routine and hard but beautiful work of parenthood. It takes intentional effort to nurture your relationship as well as your children.

However, there are some couples who seem to thrive as parents. Life as a family can also make your love for one another grow all the stronger. Any happy couple will tell you that it doesn’t come easy. Maintaining a healthy relationship takes hard work, but it’s good work. Here are a few simple ideas to help nurture your relationship:

You can read the whole article here on Babyvibe.

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How do you nurture your relationship as partners and parents?

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Date night.  It seems so simple before that first child is born.  Of course we’ll keep going out on dates, we think…. maybe not quite as often, but at least once a month, or even weekly.  It is hard to imagine losing sight of the importance of special time together as a couple.

As we transition from partners to parents, however, often we set aside time together in favor of time as a family.  We are busy, tired, overwhelmed, enraptured…until the day comes when we gaze at each other not with adoration but rather the question – who are we now?  What does it mean to be parents and partners?

We all know how important it is, we just don’t always feel we have a way to make it happen.  Here are a few wise ideas we’ve gleaned from couples we know:

Scheduled Date Nights

Imagine enjoying a date every Monday night.  Childcare is arranged, it’s on the calendar, all you have to do is enjoy. The secret here is that it Has to be scheduled.  You know how quickly time can go by – don’t let another 4 months pass without a date. Set your intent together and put the support you need in place to make it happen.

Supper Club

If childcare is an issue for you, consider inviting 3 other neighborhood families to form a supper club. Set a weekly time – perhaps a Sunday dinner, or a Saturday brunch.  One family will host all the children, cook, and clean-up.  One family serves as helpers to the host family, but not with cooking or cleanup.  The other two couples drop off their children and go out on a date!  This model allows not only for 2 scheduled dates per month, but also 2 wonderful evenings shared with another couple and children who truly look forward to this time together.

Simplicity Dating

Maybe at this time in your lives you want to keep it simple.  Pick a night to be your weekly date.  On that night one of you will put the children to sleep.  The other will light the fire & candles, spread out a picnic blanket in the living room, and order in your favourite takeout.  Enjoy!

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When was your last date?

What helps you bring the romance into your life as parents?

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We’ve been enjoying the comments and feedback we’ve received from our Raccoon Mama Part I blog entry.  Seems as though more than a few of us find ourselves up until the wee hours.  Most mothers we know have at least the occasional Raccoon Mom night, and some transform into a masked bandit every night.

We know other mamas, however, who have created some pretty strict household rules  for the evening hours.   They share that these have not only helped them stay healthy and have the energy they need for parenting, but also improved relationships with partners and more time for themselves to boot. Here are a few of their ideas:

Always have a candle burning and the lights dimmed at night.  Even better, light the fireplace.

Never ever do any housework at night. Even if the house is a disaster. No sweeping, wiping, scrubbing, picking up, nothing..

Go to bed a half hour before you’re tired to snuggle and chat with your partner or talk with a friend on the phone.

Turn off the computer. Notice how powerful the temptation can be. Ignore it.

These ideas all seem so perfectly simple, really.  Quiet night hours as playtime, nurturing time, together time.  We know some of you are thinking, “But you don’t know how long my To Do list is…”

Babies have an interesting lesson for us here.  Study of infant sleep patterns shows that sleep begets sleep.  Basically, the more sleep they get, the better they sleep.  So much for our attempts to put baby down to bed at 11 p.m. in hopes of a good night of sleep…

Same concept for busy mamas.  The more time we set aside from our busy schedules for nurturing ourselves, the more space and energy we have for the To Do list.  We see this over and over again.  We step out of the routine to care for ourselves, and the routine becomes easier.  The routine hasn’t changed, but we have.

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Do you have any rules for your evenings?

What would you like change?

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We came across this beautiful poem recently and were struck by her portrayal of the art of doula care.  Women have been supporting women in birth since the beginning, just as we support one another in daily life.  Friends, sisters, mothers, over and over again our hands, hearts and casserole dishes reach out in support and love.  As Kelly Corrigan shares on her extraordinary talk on Women and Strength, this is simply what we do.

As doulas, we wear many hats and learn the art of many crafts.

We are teachers, we are students, we are listeners and we are talkers.

We massage, we meditate, we motivate. We are windows and we are brick walls.

As doulas, we sit and knit in corners or rock and roar like tigers.

We hold hands, we rub backs, we sit in dark corners of strange houses

and hold naked women while they cry on us.

Weep on us.

Throw up on us.

We are heater – uppers and cooler – downers, we are professional tea makers.

We knead, we navigate, we negotiate. We are pillars and we are ladders.

As doulas, we quietly advocate…brick…by…brick.

We make room – for these women, we hold space so they can breathe, so they can focus, so they can trust.

And they look to us.

And Trust in us.

by Carli Spielman, Birth Doula in the Fraser Valley of BC, www.thedivinechild.com

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This month’s Mama Renewed is Jenny Taylor, mother of two young boys and pregnant with her third!  She is the owner of Birthing Buddies Childbirth Services, renting out Aquadoula Birth Pools and obstetric Tens units as well as offering private, in-home prenatal classes.

About Jenny

I am Jenny – woman, mother, lover, partner, daughter, friend, teacher, doula, breastfeeding counselor, believer in the power of women’s bodies to birth their babies…and much more…not necessarily in that order.  Three words that capture my way being in this world are Passionate, Loving, and Authentic.

I live in North Vancouver with my wonderful husband and two beautiful boys and we have another baby on the way.  I took a break from my career in ESL when my first son was born -  I had always wanted children and was happy focusing my time and attention on our new family.  Inspired by my birth experiences, I trained as a birth doula and become the owner of Birthing Buddies Childbirth Services.

Why Mama Renew?

When I joined Mama Renew in January 2008 I was feeling stuck in a rut.  I wasn’t happy with myself on many levels, especially in my parenting and relationship.

What a wonderful group of women I met!  We all came to the group for different reasons, challenging us all to look at our lives through different lenses.  I found that I had misplaced aspects of myself since having children, and reconnecting with the core of me was a moving experience.  I am pretty neat!

New Insights

Asking for help was a big lesson for me.  I was pushed into asking for help last spring when I had many births to attend, and needed the help of friends for childcare.  As I asked for help, I began to see that I also needed to learn to say no more often to both potential clients and to opportunities that were exciting, but not the best choice for me in that moment.  Recently my ability to say no has slipped, and I have found myself with a crazy schedule once again.  But the other night as I felt our baby tumble in my belly, I took a good look at my calendar and said no more.

I am still working on self-care.  It is amazing how easy it is to put my needs last, and this is a habit I am working hard to break.  For me, self-care means making and taking the time to do things that help me feel good, rejuvenate me and touch my soul.  It is hard to do when nurturing a young family but I know that when i do it I am a more connected mother, partner, and friend.

Moving Forward

The exploration of good is good enough was tough for me – my good was / is never good enough for me.  I am learning to set priorities and create a balance between my passion for my family and my work.  It isn’t always equal, but I now have the tools to recognize and correct that imbalance, or to accept that one exists and work with and around it.

I am still fine-tuning all the areas we explored together in Mama Renew.  Some days things go better than others.  Over and over again I remind myself that good is good enough

We’re excited to be participating as a promotional sponsor and exhibitor at the upcoming Healthy Families Conference in Vancouver, BC.    The conference promises to share skills and strategies to nurture strong relationships within the family.  Featuring Peggy O’Mara, editor of Mothering Magazine, as the keynote speaker, along with a host of other fabulous presentations and workshops, there’s a lot to look forward to.

Most of all, we’re curious to further explore what it means to support healthy families.  While our work with Mama Renew is clearly focused on supporting mothers, we recognize that the impact of our groups extends to the entire family with changes in parenting, relationships, and the household.   The infamous saying “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”, certainly does hold true in many ways.  Over and over again we witness the importance of nurturing mama in order to support her in nurturing a healthy family.

We encourage you to nurture yourself by joining us at this important community gathering, the weekend of April 18th & 19th in Vancouver.  Learn more and register here.

Our friends at Natural Pod are giving away one free registration to the Healthy Families Conference.  To enter, visit the Healthy Families Conference website, and then comment on the Natural Pod blog to share which conference topic is most relevant to you. To double your chances, leave a comment here our Mama Renew blog in response to one of the questions below.  Contest deadline is March 15th, Value $225.

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What helps you be a happy mama?

Which conference workshop or presenter excites you the most?

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