Asking for Help
Ok, so we’re on Twitter now as Mama Renew. Still learning the ropes and finding ways to build connections and community with it. For now, we’re enjoying the soundbites from our “twitter followers”. From one of the mamas at yoyobelly this morning came this gem: “Every day, I’m more and more amazed by the power of ‘just asking’ for what you want.”
Asking for help is one of the most basic human skills, and one that we seem to master as children and then gradually lose as we grow into adulthood. Our children ask for help all the time – with clothing, bum wiping, snacks, shoelace tying, homework, lego construction, a bandaid, conflict with a sibling or friend. They ask freely and with absolute confidence in the merit of their request.
A friend who works in fundraising talks about making the “ask”. This is that moment in a fundraiser luncheon when someone stands up and lets you know the real reason you’re there. Founder of Habitat for Humanity Millard Fuller once said, “I always find that you get more money when you ask for it than when you don’t.“ The moment of the ask needs to be delivered with confidence and conviction. If you don’t believe in what you’re asking for, neither will those you are asking.
As mothers, Asking for Help is sometimes one of our biggest challenges. We worry about imposing, how it might reflect on our ability to cope, creating obligation, seeming weak… The belief that we should be able to do it all runs strong.
When we Just Ask, however, something magical almost always emerges. A friend or family member or even a complete stranger steps in and says Yes. In that moment we are not only asking for And receiving what we need, but also helping to remind others – Just Ask.
Thank you for the reminder, yoyobelly!
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How often do you ask for what you need? How does it feel?
[...] and cold night, two mamas sitting in the front seat feeling guilty that we were going to have to ask for help from our fellow parents still basking in the sauna. Imagine our surprise when before we could even [...]
[...] me to ask for help again. In a brief, random encounter she modeled the essential life skill of asking for help, and asking again if [...]
Great insights. I just asked for help this morning – someone to take care of little one so I could exercise. They were so enthusiastic to help and now we are doing a weekly exchange….ahhh. Great luck with the renos!
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This came with great timing in my life, as I have just been realizing lately that by not asking for help, I am becoming overwhelmed and resentful. It’s so simple, but so easy to lose sight of. And people really, really want to help, for the most part.
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Sarah Reply:
March 28th, 2009 at 10:06 PM
It’s so delicate really – the balance is tipped, and off we go into the land of resentment. Our own overwhelm then shapes our ability to reach out and seek the help we desperately need.
I often find myself wishing that others would ask for help more often, so that I could allow myself to do so as well… We are so complicated!
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I like to think of the asking for help as a part of the whole flow of giving and receiving. If there isn’t anyone to receive, then how can we give? We know how good it feels to give. I like to think of the receiving as a participation in that good feeling! It’s one of the things we tell new moms all the time and one of the things we REALLY emphasize for mamas having their second baby. Great post.
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Sarah Reply:
March 28th, 2009 at 10:08 PM
Thanks, Bernadette! The art of receiving help with grace and gratitude and a sense of deserving… no guilt, no self-judgment, no sense of obligation. Simply wide open embrace of what is being offered to us.
Beautiful.
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Asking for help can be hard! Especially in the parenting arena when you want to look “good” and like you’ve “got it all together”. It is certainly comforting when you ask for help and receive it with a “no-problem, I am happy to help”. You are happy and so is the person who helps you.
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