Peggy O’Mara on Doing It All
We are happy to share with you another installment of our exclusive interview this week with the legendary Peggy O’Mara, editor of Mothering Magazine. She will be coming to Vancouver April 18th & 19th for the Healthy Families Conference.
In response to yesterday’s post on Finding Your Tribe, mother & marketing consultant Andrea Coutu mused,“I’m so thankful for that and for all the people in my tribe…and for people who get the idea of having a tribe.” So are we… and we’re excited to see so many of you gathered together next weekend.
Yesterday we shared thoughts on building a community of support as we raise our children. So often in Mama Renew groups we hear of mothers who feel a sense of isolation. Even when surrounded by friends and family many of us are hesitant to reach out and ask for help when we need it. We asked Peggy to share her words of wisdom:
Mama Renew: What do you see as some of the challenges to building a healthy community of families?
Peggy O’Mara: At the heart of it is the isolation we feel in modern industrial society. So many of us don’t feel that core sense of community. We’re so much about rugged individualism. We believe we Should be able to do it all, and the expectation is that the nuclear family can handle its own needs.
In Canada, you at least have a year of maternity leave. In the U.S. we have only 6 weeks of unpaid leave. We have no legislative and policy support for families, so what we’re trying to do as a nuclear family is impossible. We need to get rid of the myth that it’s not ok to get help – it hurts young families.
We will be sharing more of our interview with Peggy O’Mara on Monday with her thoughts on Healthy Families. Be sure to also enjoy our posts from earlier this week with Peggy’s thoughts on Simplicity, Optimism, and Finding Your Tribe in today’s world. Also enjoy our article in Babyvibe with Peggy’s thoughts on intuition and trust.
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To enter leave a comment below sharing your thoughts on Doing it All and Asking for Help…
[...] response to our last post on “Doing It All“, contest winner Abby , doula and mother of three, [...]
[...] response to our last post on “Doing It All“, contest winner Abby Mikkelson, doula and mother of three, [...]
Every mom I know still falls into the trap from that myth that we should do it all” I feel so grateful that I live in a co-op type complex in which myself and other moms live (and parent) in fairly close proximity. We remind each other, quite regularly, that we are there to help each other out, and to take a break for ourselves now and again. Jane’s kids come over to play with mine so she can have a nap or chat on the phone, or run an errand. My kids go to Jane’s when I’ve hit my wall and am about to eat my young. I can’t do it all, but there are times I can do more than others. When I can do more, I offer more. And it is OK to take when I cannot give. Sometimes in taking it is giving a gift to someone who really needs to give in that moment. But Peggy O’Mara is right, we cannot do this in isolation.
It has taken me years of “mothering” and many “hit and misses” before I found myself suddenly surrounded by my tribe. I have found we connect first as Mothers who share many of the same ideals for parenting and nurturing family but also as “sisters” who want to help and support one another in times of struggle. We now gather each full moon to sing and chant and share our joy and femininity by gathering best we can once a month. These women are my net and I am so grateful to them and for them.
I would love to hear Peggy speak. I too have never really found my tribe and I find it so painful sometimes to see others who have. I would be grateful for any tips!
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I told my mom about the discussion on the Mama Renew blog and the Mothering.com article. She said, “I never found my tribe! I’ve been a nomad all my life!” My mom may never have found her tribe, because of the limited resources she had, but she did a wonderful job of inspiring me to use my gifts to build a tribe, even if there have been past times when I thought I too was a nomad.
I definitely believe finding community is an art and an ability we are all in need of cultivating. It is so much more than simply finding a group of friends or like-minded people. Interdependence involves sharing your world with people whether you like them or not. We all need each other, especially families….and the recognition of children and families (especially elders) as valued contributors to our society – as opposed to passive recipients – is key.
Now that i have my second child I am really feeling in a negative way the sense of isolation Peggy refers to. I feel absolutely that we can’t do it on our own, but don’t know where to turn for help. I have always prided myself on my sense of independence, but am now wishing I had developed the confidence to ask for help as well. I long for the sense of community I grew up with on the farm in Saskatchewan, though small town life seemed like a jail sentence at the time.
I have been carrying around the foundation block for some time now, thinking that when I find the right destination, then I will put it down and my family and I can put down roots. The idea that the culture and community starts at home, with us, allows me to put down the block, upon which each of us can build layers. That is where I am at, this step of creating culture in my home, after which we can create ever-expanding circles. Thank you for creating this conference, it provides an opportunity for these circles to expand. Lori