Mama Renew

We hear a lot from mothers about the challenge of saying “No”.  We all do it.  The request for a favour comes, we feel that gut response that screams out Noooooo!, and then we smile graciously and say “Yes”.

Our reasons for saying Yes are often genuine; wanting to help a friend, serve our community, or take advantage of a wonderful opportunity…  Other times, our rationale for saying Yes may involve guilt, or a sense of “payback” or obligation, or wanting to look like we have it all together.

Whatever our reason for saying Yes, it is important to consider the cumulative impact of rarely saying “no” on our emotional and physical health, as well as our family.

A good friend recently commented:

“You to say a lot of small “no’s” to make room for a big Yes”

A wise woman is she.

Now we’re not saying that you should step out of the social fabric and never help a friend.  Supporting one another is an absolutely core element of the community of motherhood, and often this means setting aside our own needs for the time being. We can all remember times a friend has said “Yes”, and in doing so made all the difference in our day.

We are, however, suggesting that the best way to support our community is by first honouring our own core needs.  When we care for ourselves, we can ensure that we will have the energy and motivation needed to step up and say YES when the time is right.

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What happens when you find yourself saying Yes instead of No?

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We are still glowing from the visit we received from Peggy O’Mara, editor of Mothering, a few months ago.  We enjoyed a powerful interview with her (excerpts below), and just discovered this wonderful video of Peggy together with Lunapads.  Learn from Peggy as she shares her commitment to maintaining a healthy balance between work and raising her four children.

Read more of Peggy’s thoughts in our blog posts below:

On Community

On Family

On Doing it All

On Finding Your Tribe

On Optimism

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Our sister business Dancing Star Birth published a new article on yoyobelly this week exploring a question that is more complex than you might imagine at first:

What is True About Birth?

What is true about birth? Take a moment to reflect on this question.  What have you learned from family and friends, your culture, the media, books?  What do you know to be absolutely true?

We ask this question at the beginning of each Birthing From Within prenatal class, and the answers are perhaps the most important things to know about birth.

1.  A baby will be born.

We may not know how it will be born, or whether it will be healthy, but a baby will be born and we will be parents.

2. Birth is a natural process.

Approximately 300,000 women around the world give birth every day.  Our bodies are designed to birth babies.

3. Birth is unpredictable.

Despite our best wishes and intentions, birth often looks different than we would have hoped for or imagined.

4.  Having a baby is life-changing.

The moment we meet our baby something new is born within us.

While simple, these truths are not always easy to accept. Most of us find it difficult to believe that…

Read the rest of our musings on these truths at yoyobelly.  Enjoy!

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What do you know to be true about birth?

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We published a new article on Kindervibe today exploring one of the trendy words in our culture today: Balance. For now, we will share an excerpt with you:

Reclaiming balance

Balance is one of those words we hear a lot, and it’s in good company with words such as empowerment, sustainability, and green. The more they’re used, perhaps the less we understand them – more lofty ideals than attainable goals. We hear the word and think, oh yes, balance – that would be nice – and we move on.

What does balance mean for us as mothers? The pictures accompanying articles about balance always seem to include a woman in yoga gear with a serene face and a bubbling fountain nearby. How do we translate this image of balance into our daily reality of children, laundry, work, relationship, exercise . . . and the list goes on.

The true definition of balance has nothing to do with standing on one leg with our hands in prayer position and soft glow of contentment. In fact, balance is defined as a “harmonious distribution of parts within the whole.” Such a rich definition of balance opens the room for us to redefine this image for ourselves as mothers.

Intrigued?  Continue reading our musings on Kindervibe.

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Earlier this year I announced my quest to be Fabulous, Fit and Forty.  My stated goal was “to have a toned, healthy body weight that supports my desired active lifestyle rather than limits it.”  With my 40th birthday only 5 weeks away, it is time for an update.

I look back at the past eight years since my first pregnancy and can see so clearly how much of my life energy has been going towards feeling miserable in my body.  I have always loved being tall and big-boned and I do fully appreciate having curves.

Years ago my husband wrote a love poem with the line

“I dance your broad expanse,” and I loved him for it.

In recent years, however, instead of celebrating my broad bum,  I have felt tired, heavy and stuck.

Five months into the quest, a new body is emerging, and the changes go far beyond how my clothing fits.  It has become increasingly clear that this isn’t just about weight loss.

In addition to being 20 pounds lighter (joy!) I am enjoying an abundance of energy and clarity.   I feel strong.  I love movement again – and no longer dread something as simple as going up and down a staircase.  I look in the mirror and I recognize myself.  As this new healthier and stronger body emerges, so is a more alive, joyful & connected spirit.

My 40th birthday is in five weeks and  I will be celebrating with a photo shoot by my dear friend Nancy George.  I look forward to sharing them with you all!

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What are you seeking in body and spirit?

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This month’s Working Mama profile is Karen Randall of New and Green Baby.  We first met Karen as a new mother in one of our Mothers Unfolding groups.  She is now the busy mother of two girls, ages two and a half, and six months, and works from home running her growing business offering cloth diapering products and support.

What inspired you to start your own business?

Before children, I always dreamt of running a business of my own.  I concocted many businesses in my head, but until my first daughter was born, these were just fleeting ideas that didn’t go any further as there didn’t seem to be that push or inspiration to step out of what was a very comfortable professional life.

When my daughter was born, everything changed. I was pushed and challenged to learn about new things and craft a new way of life. At that point I realized that I needed to consider another way to contribute to our family while mothering my daughter.  Our personal journey of learning about and finding cloth diapers led to the idea of New & Green Baby – a place for parents to learn about cloth diapering their child, be supported in their goals, and purchase the best of the best diapers available.

How did you imagine life as a mompreneur?

I had a vision that working from home meant taking care of my daughter, playing and managing the house while intermittently working and having it all beautifully intertwined and symbiotic.

In reality, having your own business is a LOT more work than that.  You are responsible for everything; there is no one to answer to but yourself.  it has consumed far more time than I ever imagined it would.

How do you find balance between work and family?

It has really made me consider how to use my time effectively and learn how to manage both roles:  mother and business owner.  My biggest lesson is to stay present with both roles. We have secured regular childcare, and only schedule work time when I know the children are happy and taken care of.  When I am done, I turn off the computer and shut the office door and let myself be mom to the girls. It is a hard balance to keep, but so important.

Coming up on two years in business I feel like I can take a step back and a deep breath and take the occasional day off here and there!  We have also hired other moms to work with us so I can focus where my energies are most needed.

Any words of wisdom?

Remember the reason you jumped in and stay true to this.  It is a LOT of hard work but worth it if you can make it work!

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Photography by Bliss

The Globe and Mail published an article today titled “Darling This Baby is Coming Between Us,” by Adriana Barton, exploring the links between relationship health and the number of children.  Life with children ain’t always easy, and too often couples experience heartbreak and tension rather than a blissful transition to parenthood.

In the article, Barton reports:

“in an eight-year survey of 218 couples, 90 per cent reported a decline in marital satisfaction after the birth of the first child. The recently published study noted a spike in communication problems and a crisis of faith in the marriage, especially during the adjustment period after the birth.”

Too often we see couples separate within the first year or two after birth, and we often find ourselves reflecting on how to better support our community of families through the changes.  We’ve written about this topic before, including our posts Changing Relationships and The Secret to Date Nights. We’re even hosting a special workshop this summer on Changing Relationships.  Clearly, this is a topic near and dear to our hearts.

We believe it is possible to grow together as parents and parents, rather than apart.  Many couples we know are thriving as partners and parents with one, two, three and even more children.  We would love to hear more stories of love that has grown stronger, and challenges overcome.  Please do share below, and help us learn how to best support others.

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What do you wish you’d known about relationships after birth?

What’s the secret?  How can we thrive as partners And parents?

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