Mama Renew

Feeling inspired by a poem shared with us by Jana Buhlman in her comment on one of our posts back in May.  Below is an excerpt from her writing that captures beautifully the ways in which we unfold into motherhood.

I heard you within me but I continued to doze.
You moved early and I was certain of what I felt.
You grew. You rooted. I took notice.
But in my slumber I did not revel. I did not root myself.
I did not reach down and grab ahold of you
so that we could begin to dance together.

…

It is only as I look back that I can embrace my mother’s words.
I loved being pregnant.
She had said that to me so many times.
But it only meant something after you were born and I woke up.
I wish I could have redefined her words.
Given them my own meaning. Said them to myself.
Because I loved your presence in my body
only after you were no longer there.

…

And now we step together. Trip and fall.
Hold each other’s hand.
Down the stairs and back up again.

So let’s dance, wee girl. Let’s step out. Step firmly.
Let’s Be to each other and to ourselves.
Let me show you how, at the same time that I show myself.

While some of us feel the call of motherhood from the moment of conception, for many the unfolding takes place over months and even years.   Our idyllic vision of instant mother bliss does not always come to life, and instead we are gifted with the opportunity to emerge in our own time.

In our Mothers Unfolding groups we bear witness to new mothers as they move through these changes.   It can be heartbreakingly hard when the dance of motherhood takes its time to emerge.   We find our way, eventually, but sometimes it takes time and a lot of support to be able to “step out firmly” onto this new path.  Thank you to Jana for sharing a bit of her journey with her daughter Tove through her poetry!

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When do you feel the “dance” of motherhood began for you?  What allowed you to “step out firmly” onto this path?

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