Mama Renew

It’s the day after and Life is back to normal.  My husband has a cold.  The kids are back from school.  The garden needs a good weeding.  It is always a striking contrast to step back into our normal reality after such a step away.

We found ourselves musing on the nature of the retreat yesterday – why was it so special?  Time away, of course, is always a treat.  The open dialogue & heartfelt exchange that began from our very first evening together was extraordinary. The nature that surrounded us surely helped us feel held & nurtured.

What really made the difference, however, were the unexpected small things:

1.  Permission to make a mess. With a basket of fabric, threads & beads available 24 hours a day we reveled in the opportunity to begin a project and leave it out without worrying about the mess or our children playing with the needles.

2.  A sense of completion. We finished our tea, our baths, our walks, our creative projects, our meals…no interruptions & all the space we needed.

3.  No Responsibility. Hollyhock staff picked us up at the ferry, carried our luggage to our rooms, fed us nourishing and scrumptious meals, washed all the dishes, and made us feel like queens for 4 days.  All we had to do was enjoy.

4. Oysters on the Beach. On Saturday night we enjoyed the Hollyhock tradition of grilled & raw oysters on the beach.  The first time for a few of us, and well worth the bravery.  They were amazing, especially with their secret recipe topping which I would Love a recipe for.

5. The Tea Nook. So simple, and yet it offered us a beautiful sense of being held.  Water always hot.  A bowl of chamomile flowers & mint leaves to float in our cups.  An array of beautiful teas to choose from.

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Part of offering a workshop at Hollyhock as a presenter is offering a one night session for members of the wider community.  Lastnight I had the opportunity to mentor a very fun workshop on Making Room for Yes (which of course also ties in beautifully with the fine art of saying No).

Over the course of the evening I became increasingly clear that I had my own No to say.  With a back injury that has now migrated into shoulder & neck I am needing to be very careful with my movements to support healing.  Hollyhock hosts a wonderful early morning row out to a small rock island, however, and I WANTED to go, along with other women from our group.

So this morning I went down to the beach at 6:45 planning to simply photograph them & wave goodbye.  As I said my reluctant but clear “No” the guide welcomed me onto the boat with his 100% support to not row at all.   While saying “no” was hard, saying “yes” was even harder.  To know that 10 other people were going to do all the work while I simply sat there?  Excruciating!  and Lovely.

Your Virtual Retreat task is to consider –   Is there something you need to say No to?  Even if you truly Long to be able to say Yes?  What might open up in your life if you are able to say the No that needs to be said?

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Comment here & on our facebook page to win one of our fabulous prizes!

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Welcome to all of you who are new to Mama Renew and our Virtual Retreat.  Over 100 of you have joined in the past 24 hours, a total of 510 women.  Hosting the virtual retreat was a last minute inspiration, and I didn’t anticipate the way in the wider circle of you enjoying the Virtual Retreat would affect our own experience for the 8 of us here on retreat at Hollyhock.

While we are growing & learning, a wider circle of you are finding creative ways to bring the Mama Renew spirit into your daily lives.  It is helping us know that the conversation will continue once we return home, and perhaps helping you to envision the day when you will be one of the lucky women to join us here.  In an unexpected way, we are feeling your presence holding us – thank you.

If you’ve just joined us and aren’t sure how this works, here are the basics:

1. Enjoy our posts this weekend featuring Virtual Retreat activites to help you have a taste of what we’re doing here.

2. Comment on our blog or facebook page to be entered to win one of our fabulous prizes listed below (contest ends Monday, May 30th at 10 pm).

2. Multiple comments = More chances to win!

3.If you share this post on your facebook page let us know at info@mamarenew.ca and you’ll receive five bonus entries.

Lucky Mama Prize Package

Create your own retreat with one complimentary night’s stay for two at Ocean Light Cottage & Spa where you will enjoy the best of Bowen Island’s beauty and abundance.  Includes an organic continental breakfast and an infrared sauna session! Value $200.

Beautiful Mama Prize Package

Celebrate your beauty with a modern portrait by acclaimed photographer Kyrani Kanavaros of Klik Photographic. Kyrani’s portraits are a personal reflection of the essence of the self, captured in a moment, and treasured forever.  Value $495 includes one hour photo shoot, online proofing gallery & a CD of 4×6 jpg photos.

Nourished Mama Prize Package

Nourish yourself with a personalized plan from Holistic Nutritionist Meghan Rathwell.  She will help you meet your wellness goals – renewing energy and creating ease in the kitchen (It’s possible, we promise!)  A 75 minute personal consultation can be done by phone or in person.  Value $95.

Nurture yourself with this luscious calming package from Mama Goddess Birth Shop, your online resource & store for birthing and growing families.  Submerse yourself in Mama Goddess Calming Bath Salts.  Revisit your serenity anywhere & anytime with the Calming Mama Spritzer.  Soothe your body and soul with a warm cup of Calming Mama Tea.  Dim the lights and relax with the glow of an all natural Hummingbird Beeswax Candle & Votives.  Value $75.

As we went around the circle introducing ourselves last night each mother shared a bit about herself & her family.  We passed around photos of our children, and they now are resting on a table in the corner, there to see when we need a reminder, and acknowledged as core to our journey as women.

Then I shared the groundrules.  One of our core rules in Mama Renew groups is no talking about our children.   Now this is hard.  Sometimes it’s really hard.    Another ground rule is to not “mother” other women in the circle.  This means no passing kleenex, no saying comforting things, no suggestions of how to make it better…  Simply holding one another where we need to be.

I went to a Birthing From Within retreat years ago with brilliant writer & visionary Pam England.  At the time I was a relatively new mother – my first born (now was just 18 months old and I was there pumping & praying that my milk supply would make it through and missing him terribly.  That very first night as we began to introduce ourselves “through” our children (I am mother to X and Y and Z…) she stopped us.  We were not there as mothers.  We were there for ourselves, to grow in our Birthing From Within practice.

Having been so immersed in the intensity of new motherhood for the past year and a half I found this to be crushing.  Without identifying myself as Galen’s mother I wasn’t sure who I was, or even what I had to contribute.  I had allowed myself to be consumed by one aspect of myself without nourishing the whole.

Are we mothers?  Absolutely.  We are here because we are mothers. In this time & space, however, we are here as women.

There are other capable and loving people caring for our children.

We do not need to mother them in this moment.  We do not need to mother one another.  We only need to “mother” ourselves.

Hard?  Absolutely.  Essential?  You know it.

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Comment here & on our facebook page to win one of our fabulous prizes!

On the top of the How to Get to Hollyhock guide we’ll be following today it says

“Some Say It’s All About the Journey.”

In the case of Hollyhock either it’s true, or we’re a bit mad to be taking a total of 3 ferries and two taxis to get to Cortes Island.

I love road trips.  I don’t love the driving or gas station bathrooms.  I do, however, love that suspended from reality feeling I get on a road trip.  The feeling of being unknown, unneeded, inbetween worlds & responsibilities. I’m simply on the journey.

While I’ve always loved the feeling of the journey (I travelled through latin america & africa in life before children), it has become even more of a delight as a mother.  I find myself particularly struck by the simple fact that others I meet don’t even know I’m a mom.  Sometimes I find myself deliberately bringing them up in casual conversation, missing the way in which they shape who I am & how others see me.  Other times I revel in being an unknown quantity, able to define myself without my children shaping others perception of me.

We’re off this morning.  You won’t hear from us again until late afternoon when we arrive on Cortes.

Your first Virtual Retreat activity?  Road Trip!
Find some way to create a journey in your day.  Driving kids to school/lessons/sports?  Put on some favourite music & crank it up after they leave the car.

Have an hour to yourself?  Go somewhere new and give yourself a taste of discovery & anonymity.

Want to win one of our fabulous Virtual Retreat prizes?

Comment on road trips here or on our facebook page and be entered to win one of our great prizes!

We thought we’d offer something special for all you wonderful women who will not be able to join us at Hollyhock this weekend for Renewal:  A Retreat for Mothers. Instead you can enjoy our unique virtual retreat and have the opportunity to win one of the fabulous prizes below!

Want to enjoy our Virtual Retreat? All you need to do is be a member of our Mama Renew Facebook Page – sweet & simple. You will enjoy daily facebook posts with inspiring quotes & creative ideas to bring the Mama Renew spirit into your weekend.   All those attending our virtual retreat will have the opportunity to enter one of four fabulous prize packages designed to nurture & nourish you as a woman and mother.

How to Enter?

First, join our facebook page.  You receive one entry each time you leave a comment on any post on our blog or facebook page between now and Monday, May 30th 2010 at 10 p.m. (multiple entries allowed!).

Lucky Mama Prize Package

Create your own retreat with one complimentary night’s stay for two at Ocean Light Cottage & Spa where you will enjoy the best of Bowen Island’s beauty and abundance.  Includes an organic continental breakfast and an infrared sauna session! Value $200.

Beautiful Mama Prize Package

Celebrate your beauty with a modern portrait by acclaimed photographer Kyrani Kanavaros of Klik Photographic. Kyrani’s portraits are a personal reflection of the essence of the self, captured in a moment, and treasured forever.  Value $495 includes one hour photo shoot, online proofing gallery & a CD of 4×6 jpg photos.

Nourished Mama Prize Package

Nourish yourself with a personalized plan from Holistic Nutritionist Meghan Rathwell.  She will help you meet your wellness goals – renewing energy and creating ease in the kitchen (It’s possible, we promise!)  A 75 minute personal consultation can be done by phone or in person.  Value $95.

Nurture yourself with this luscious calming package from Mama Goddess Birth Shop, your online resource & store for birthing and growing families.  Submerse yourself in Mama Goddess Calming Bath Salts.  Revisit your serenity anywhere & anytime with the Calming Mama Spritzer.  Soothe your body and soul with a warm cup of Calming Mama Tea.  Dim the lights and relax with the glow of an all natural Hummingbird Beeswax Candle & Votives.  Value $75.

Just two weeks to go until our retreat

May 27th – 30th 2010 at glorious Hollyhock on Cortes Island…

and if you want to come, but don’t think you can afford it, I’ve got a special offer for you.

Please do call me at 604 254 1100

& I will do my very best to make it possible for you to enjoy this amazing retreat.

I threw out my back a few weeks ago.  It seemed like such a harmless moment – lifting a small suitcase – and in an instant I was frozen.  Couldn’t bend, turn, barely even walk.   Hugged my now-very-worried parents goodbye at the airport, tried to make it look like not such a big deal, eased myself back into the car with a grimace and grunt, and gingerly drove back into the city in search of the closest friend with ice & homeopathics.

I was in town for 3 very busy days – I had meetings scheduled, activities planned – and instead found myself dreading the moment I would have to move.  I’m known for working a little too hard on these trips – not enough breaks for food, no exercise, limited sleep…  Sometimes, it seems, we need to be forced to take care of ourselves! 

An early morning acupuncture session with the brilliant Brownyn Melville allowed me a dramatic increase in mobility and decrease in pain. The next day featured a very deep & productive massage from the talented hands of Erin O’Riordan, RMT.  A meeting with 8 loving friends & colleagues with Dancing Star Birth featured them laughing at me each time I tried to do something for myself, ordering me to SIT & let them care for me.  During setup for a community festival we were co-hosting I was ordered to hold the door open while the rest of the Birth Lounge members carried all the boxes (the agony of not being able to help was worse than the pain in my back!)

I so wanted to be better, and while I was significantly improved over the following days, it took a circle of wise women to make me stop trying to push through it & simply be vulnerable. Having worked with families for some 20 years encouraging parents to ask for & receive help, well, you’d think I’d be better at this by now.  The reality is we’re all finding our way.  We all need reminders, nudges & prods.  And sometimes we need a great big in-your-face challenge (hopefully yours doesn’t come in the form of a back injury) to help us slow down & learn the lessons all over again – the hard way.

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This month’s Mama Renew profile features Deborah Purcell sharing her unique perspective on self-care as the mother of three children,  one of whom has a rare condition called Hunter Syndrome (MPS II).  On May 8th, they will host the 3rd annual “Tacos for Trey” fundraiser in North Vancouver, BC – a fun filled day with live entertainment, magicians, balloon twisters, face painting, tacos for all, margaritas for adults and a silent auction that will knock your socks off.

About Deborah

I don’t work outside the home. My partner, Ryan, is in the film industry, so he works long hours. I really feel that with him being gone so much, our kids need me, or other family, around. Three words that capture my way of being in this world? Love. Laughter. Believe. Maybe strength too!

Motherhood & Identity

I think my life would have been completely different if Trey hadn’t been diagnosed, but at this point, I cannot even imagine it.  I am at home because I want to spend as much time with my kids as I can. I also know, now, that with life there are no guarantees. Kids get sick. Kids die. Trey is the one in our family right now who has a rare disease, but I don’t for a moment think that it can’t happen to Sadie or Avery or Ryan or myself.

I am grateful to be a mom. I am grateful to have my kids in my life. I am grateful to be alive.

We also home school, or more accurately, life learn. Now that I’ve been forced to face the mortality of our kids, I’m even more grateful for this life path we’ve chosen. I can’t imagine missing those ‘ah ha’ moments of our kids. I love hanging out with my kids – they are so so much fun.

Making Space for Self-Care

Now that I no longer have infants, I do yoga, dance, and volleyball outside the house.  At a Neufeld conference a year ago, I had a new introduction to self care which really resonated with me. Usually our ideas of self-care are something you do, child-free, to care for yourself. But what if this form of self-care isn’t possible? Self care can be as simple as taking deep breaths while you are sitting with a screaming child. Having a cup of tea while you read your child a book. Having a glass of wine at night!

I really like this idea of self-care because it doesn’t make having kids and self-care mutually exclusive. I do go out to dance classes and yoga on my own, but when I can’t or don’t, I crank the music loud at home and do a dance class. They practice yoga with me and most recently, Trey got a unicycle for his birthday, which got me thinking it might be fun to get one too. We could learn together!!

What do you still need to work on?

Everything. Being calm, advocating for Trey, being a mum, partner, daughter, sister, and woman all at the same time, balance.

So many things. Being a parent sure humbled me.

Anything else you’d like to share?

Ask. Before I had a child with differences, I would see kids with differences, and wonder. But, I never asked. It felt awkward.  Well, at least on my part, I want you to ask. It’s uncomfortable. Because we know people wonder. Asking gets it out in the open, helps people understand, and connects people. I won’t be embarrassed. Neither will Trey. Having Hunter Syndrome is a difference, not a deficit. So just like you’re able to talk about the things that make you proud about your child, we’re proud of Trey’s Hunter Syndrome. It’s made him who he is. And he is wonderful. And we love him. So ask!

You can learn more about their family journey on their website: www.treypurcell.com.  We encourage you go invite a friend and go to the upcoming Tacos for Trey fundraiser - details below.  Thank you to Deborah for sharing her story – many words of wisdom about redefining self-care and making family a priority.  If you cannot attend the fundraiser, but would like to support their goal to find a cure for Hunter Syndrome, donations are gratefully accepted online at www.treypurcell.com.

Every once in a while a gem appears – this time on the counter at the thrift store.  There, in resplendent purple, was a splendid 1970something little gift book for mothers called Mothers Are Like That.

It was originally a gift from Paul, Ann, Alfie, Manon and Damon to their mother & grandmother, whoever she may be.  Thank you for passing it on to Salvation Army and allowing this treasure to fall into my hands!

Over the next month we’ll be sharing images & commentary from this splendid little Mother-honouring book.   Hidden within are treasures of wisdom and insight into the life of a mother.  For example, did you know that Mothers like clouds and rainbows and a sun that’s shining bright?   It is charming, playful, full of blatant stereotypes, and just plain heart-warming.

Gratitude to the creators of:

Mothers Are Like That by Jo-Ann M. Daughterty from “The Sunbeam Library” in 1970 or so.  Illustrated by Barbi Sargent (creator of the Strawberry Shortcake character) and Craig Brown.