Being Women…and mothers
As we went around the circle introducing ourselves last night each mother shared a bit about herself & her family. We passed around photos of our children, and they now are resting on a table in the corner, there to see when we need a reminder, and acknowledged as core to our journey as women.
Then I shared the groundrules. One of our core rules in Mama Renew groups is no talking about our children. Now this is hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. Another ground rule is to not “mother” other women in the circle. This means no passing kleenex, no saying comforting things, no suggestions of how to make it better… Simply holding one another where we need to be.
I went to a Birthing From Within retreat years ago with brilliant writer & visionary Pam England. At the time I was a relatively new mother – my first born (now 
was just 18 months old and I was there pumping & praying that my milk supply would make it through and missing him terribly. That very first night as we began to introduce ourselves “through” our children (I am mother to X and Y and Z…) she stopped us. We were not there as mothers. We were there for ourselves, to grow in our Birthing From Within practice.
Having been so immersed in the intensity of new motherhood for the past year and a half I found this to be crushing. Without identifying myself as Galen’s mother I wasn’t sure who I was, or even what I had to contribute. I had allowed myself to be consumed by one aspect of myself without nourishing the whole.
Are we mothers? Absolutely. We are here because we are mothers. In this time & space, however, we are here as women.
There are other capable and loving people caring for our children.
We do not need to mother them in this moment. We do not need to mother one another. We only need to “mother” ourselves.
Hard? Absolutely. Essential? You know it.
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Taking care of myself during this first week after my third baby is born. I have been in bed for 9 days and only today I went outside and saw how much my garden grew.. I suppose lots has changed all around…it was great to see it reflected in the garden. I have a community of angels all around bringing meals and treats and helping with driving and sleep overs for the older girls. I have a knight in shining armour of a husband and family with lots of love. What could be better. It is impossible for me, to not mention the apple of my eye right now… a little italian boy…what a dream come true…
ONe thing I have learnt from the first two births.. to take time for a bath and /or shower does wonder to the spirit… so this time round I have been relaxing in the water…taking the time to breathe a little alone…
Mamma renew…
ENjoy..
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Oh man, if I can’t talk about my kids, I might end up thinking I went to a vipassana silent meditation retreat by accident! Ha ha. But seriously, it would be interesting to see how long it took before I’d be able to think of something to say about ME.
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thank you Sarah, i have just signed on and see that you are offering this lovely virtual retreat, bless you. I had registered and so hoped to be at this retreat, but being at the other end of parenting (my 4 children are all young adults) i cancelled since had the rare opportunity of having my youngest one home this weekend. I do not look for time apart, but rather time together!!! Now how not to talk about my children, that is an interesting exercise…bless you Sarah. with love.
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I have forgotten what it is like to just be a women since I have been wrapped up in being a mom. Next time I go to introduce myself as “l&M’s mom” I will pause and reflect on why. Perhaps I can introduce myself as a woman. Thanks for the post and the reminder.
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