Mama Renew

This quote arrived in my inbox last night from Meghan Rathwell (who also inspired this great post on new motherhood and donated a fabulous prize for our Virtual Retreat this Spring).   Perfect Timing.

One of the things I love about the experience of a Mama Renew group is the way we have room to explore our assumptions about what our lives are “supposed” to look like.  Often we see women asking daring questions, revealing seldom declared life dreams, and feeling a healthy dose of optimism and creativity.

Reaching clear discernment is not a simple task.  Most of us enjoy many, many long discussions full of questions and worries and that wonderful query “What if…?” In a post last May we wrote:

And yet every once in a while, we ourselves, or someone we love, takes the leap and says Yes, somehow moving beyond the world of being sensible.

What is it that allows us to move from “what if…” to “I can”?  As mothers I suspect that the patience for clarity is sometimes harder.  We cannot separate our own life decisions from those of our life as a family, and this can create some considerably thick mud to wade through!

Eventually, however, there is indeed a moment of clarity, and it is very much this feeling of the mud and the muck and the questions and worries and doubts all settling to the ground (even if for only a few moments) and everything is crystal clear.  It is not a moment we can create or plan for.  Clarity simply arrives, often in a profoundly understated and simple way. And then we take the first new and exciting steps forward

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We’d love to hear from some of you – How do you know when something is right?  Where do you feel it in your body?  What would you like to say Yes to?

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Many thanks to Martha of Laughing Volcano Art for the use of her beautiful Blue Girl Leap of Faith image.



Have you seen our articles about asking for help?

Now it’s our turn! 

Please help us win the 2010 SavvyMom Top Mom Entrepreneur Award.

From my beginning as a stay-at-home mom teaching the occasional class, to our present team of 14 fabulous women & seven locations, I am in awe of what the past seven years of growth have brought us, and the potential for what lays ahead.

In recent years we have witnessed dramatic changes to the landscape of childbirth and family support.  The advent of social media has transformed how we as a business are able to interact with our wider community.  We have big dreams for Mama Renew & Dancing Star Birth – and this award will allow us to take big steps forward in the realm of online education and support.

If each and every one of you casts just one vote, we have a very real chance of winning.  If you have a friend or partner who could vote as well, invite them to join you!   So please, take just a few minutes to cast a vote for us, and on behalf of all the families we dream of supporting in the years to come.

THANK YOU!

click on the image above, or here to cast your vote.

To vote you will be asked to join SavvyMom.  They have great resources for you to enjoy, or you can easily unsubscribe after voting.

www.dancingstarbirth.ca & www.mamarenew.ca

Keep a list of everything that interests and excites you, no matter how insignificant.

Remind yourself that these are indicators or clues

that both the talent & the necessary Spirit assistance exist to bring them into your reality.

- Wayne Dyer

What sparks you?  We all have a mental list, some high priority and some all but forgotten.  On any given ordinary day we may come across something new for our list, catching us by surprise.

I, for example, have recently grown very intrigued by the idea of growing & wild harvesting mushrooms.  I know this is likely not high on most of your lists, but I really really want to learn.  I haven’t yet truly made the space to learn, and it may be a few more years before it happens, but it’s on my list.  Each time I hear about it I get these ridiculous flutters of excitement – about fungus!   I know the day will come.

At the retreat we did a fun sharing of all the things that interest or excite us that are not yet part of our reality. We went around the circle maybe 5 times, a marvelous discovery of the diversity of women in the room. Turns out we are interested and excited by some very cool things – and somehow just saying them out loud helped each of us feel that they are indeed possible.

Turns out we are interested and excited by some very cool things – and somehow just saying them out loud helped each of us feel that they are indeed possible.  There’s a reason that mushrooms excite me, along with quilting, weaving, sourdough, silversmithing, and a few more that I won’t mention in this very public venue

While part of what holds me back is certainly time, there is also a threshold or line that needs to be intentionally stepped over for each. Sourdough is my newest love to enter my daily life, and now that I have begun & gained confidence in it there is an ease to baking our family bread & the beautiful sourdough pancakes I made this morning.  There is real truth in the slogan “Just do it,”  and once we’re on the other side of that threshold the way seems to open.

What’s on your list?

This is no bucket list, friends, this is a list for Now.  What do you crave?

What began as a last minute inspiration has become a treasured experience.  Thank you to each of you who joined our Mama Renew Virtual Retreat.  While eight of us shared four days together at Hollyhock Retreat Centre on Cortes Island, almost 150 of you joined in for our Virtual Retreat on facebook posting over 500 comments – an experience that I treasure just as much as our time at Hollyhock.

Lessons learned:

1.  Listen to Creative Whims!

It was a whim, really, to create the Virtual Retreat, and I’m still in awe of what it became.  While my mind certainly pondered saying “no” to this last minute project in favour of all the other things on my “to do” list,  my heart knew better.  I’m so glad we were able to share in the retreat spirit with all of you who were unable to join us “live”.  What’s your whim?

2.  Just ask.

It’s one thing to envision a Virtual Retreat, and another to actually create it.  Within 24 hours we were “live”, with a fabulous array of prizes for Virtual Retreat participants.

Deep gratitude to Meghan Rathwell of Nourishing Arts Collective, Kyrani Kanavaros of Klik Photographic, Lisa Marie Bhattacharya of Ocean Light Cottage & Spa on Bowen Island, and Maria Mizuno with Mama Goddess Birth Shop

for their support in bringing the retreat to life and helping the four lucky winners – Megan, Mika, Genevieve & Katy – to bring some renewal into their lives.

2.  Make Room for Connection

It seems to me that we need far more openings for connection as women and mothers.  Your response & engagement blew me away, and I was surprised by the ways in which your virtual participation enriched our group experience at Hollyhock. Thank you all for reaching out – I hope we can keep the dialogue going here, through our RENEW newsletter & on our facebook page!

3.  Eat Oysters Whenever Possible

Ok, so they’re slimy looking & more than a bit intimidating, but we savoured every slurp, as seen in the finger-licking photo above.  While these won’t likely be appearing on our family dinner table on a regular basis, we appreciated the reminder to take risks and try something new.

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Part of offering a workshop at Hollyhock as a presenter is offering a one night session for members of the wider community.  Lastnight I had the opportunity to mentor a very fun workshop on Making Room for Yes (which of course also ties in beautifully with the fine art of saying No).

Over the course of the evening I became increasingly clear that I had my own No to say.  With a back injury that has now migrated into shoulder & neck I am needing to be very careful with my movements to support healing.  Hollyhock hosts a wonderful early morning row out to a small rock island, however, and I WANTED to go, along with other women from our group.

So this morning I went down to the beach at 6:45 planning to simply photograph them & wave goodbye.  As I said my reluctant but clear “No” the guide welcomed me onto the boat with his 100% support to not row at all.   While saying “no” was hard, saying “yes” was even harder.  To know that 10 other people were going to do all the work while I simply sat there?  Excruciating!  and Lovely.

Your Virtual Retreat task is to consider –   Is there something you need to say No to?  Even if you truly Long to be able to say Yes?  What might open up in your life if you are able to say the No that needs to be said?

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Comment here & on our facebook page to win one of our fabulous prizes!

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As we went around the circle introducing ourselves last night each mother shared a bit about herself & her family.  We passed around photos of our children, and they now are resting on a table in the corner, there to see when we need a reminder, and acknowledged as core to our journey as women.

Then I shared the groundrules.  One of our core rules in Mama Renew groups is no talking about our children.   Now this is hard.  Sometimes it’s really hard.    Another ground rule is to not “mother” other women in the circle.  This means no passing kleenex, no saying comforting things, no suggestions of how to make it better…  Simply holding one another where we need to be.

I went to a Birthing From Within retreat years ago with brilliant writer & visionary Pam England.  At the time I was a relatively new mother – my first born (now was just 18 months old and I was there pumping & praying that my milk supply would make it through and missing him terribly.  That very first night as we began to introduce ourselves “through” our children (I am mother to X and Y and Z…) she stopped us.  We were not there as mothers.  We were there for ourselves, to grow in our Birthing From Within practice.

Having been so immersed in the intensity of new motherhood for the past year and a half I found this to be crushing.  Without identifying myself as Galen’s mother I wasn’t sure who I was, or even what I had to contribute.  I had allowed myself to be consumed by one aspect of myself without nourishing the whole.

Are we mothers?  Absolutely.  We are here because we are mothers. In this time & space, however, we are here as women.

There are other capable and loving people caring for our children.

We do not need to mother them in this moment.  We do not need to mother one another.  We only need to “mother” ourselves.

Hard?  Absolutely.  Essential?  You know it.

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Comment here & on our facebook page to win one of our fabulous prizes!

Just two weeks to go until our retreat

May 27th – 30th 2010 at glorious Hollyhock on Cortes Island…

and if you want to come, but don’t think you can afford it, I’ve got a special offer for you.

Please do call me at 604 254 1100

& I will do my very best to make it possible for you to enjoy this amazing retreat.

At a recent evening on self-care together with parents from our son’s Kindergarten class, we took turns sharing what we enjoy doing for self-care.  I was particularly struck by the words of a father who expressed his need for memorable moments as a form of self-care.   He’s right – when we can savour a memory or a moment that transcends the ordinary, our spirit is nurtured not just in that moment but for months or years to come.

Hosted in a room known as the Healing Sanctuary in a cob building at the beautiful OUR Ecovillage, the earthen walls and floors, candles, stained glass, and heartfelt sharing were enough to create a beautiful memory of the evening.  Add on the evening walk around the ecovillage land and a sauna after our discussion and the evening was absolute perfection.

I feel a bit like an infommercial here, But Wait!  It Get’s Better!

As another mother and I prepared to return home our car got stuck in the mud.  There were were on a dark and cold night, two mamas sitting in the front seat feeling guilty that we were going to have to ask for help from our fellow parents still basking in the sauna. Imagine our surprise when before we could even get out of the car, into the glare of our headlights appeared our heros -

my husband and another dear friend – both naked but for their boxer briefs.

We howled with laughter, hooted wholehearted approval, hollered our gratitude, clapped with glee, and whistled in appreciation…

While the evening was lovely,  the sight of them leaping into the glare of our headlights to the rescue is a memory to be treasured.

Now that’s self-care.

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I’m going to Mexico with my mom this week.  In the past year we have celebrated our 40th and 70th birthdays, and she wisely proposed that we honour this momentous year with a shared adventure.

We’ve never done this before.  The most we’ve managed is an outing to the mall, a few treasured day hikes, and antique foraging. I haven’t spent this much time alone with her since our tour of east coast colleges when I was 17 – a mere 23 years ago…

It’s a beautiful gift, this time together – I’m stepping away from my family, work, and a greenhouse waiting for me to begin this years seedlings.  She too is leaving behind responsibilities at home, the church, her volunteer work and the garden club. We’re shedding our busy days with the hope to reconnect as women, and as mother and daughter.

As mother-daughter teams go, we’re pretty darned good.  We enjoy and respect one another, and share in our love of colour, antiques, sewing, cooking, and music.

Still, we lead very different lives, and at times we have both struggled to respect the other’s choices and lifestyle. Every visit includes one good squabble and cry, and my husband and brothers all now simply wait for it to come, and know that it will pass…

For this time together I will strive to:
1. Do my best to listen with my heart.  
2. Ask good questions.  
3. Be open to learning something new about her.
4. Enjoy her and have a good laugh every day.
5. Honour all that she has given me.  
6. Share openly about my life & choices.
7. Know that the love I feel for my boys is the same love as she feels for me.
8. Love and appreciate her as she is.

Here’s to hoping that what happens in Mexico,
comes home from Mexico…

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A friend screwed up recently.  Not in a big way – she just forgot to pick up the milk delivery from our house (again.)  We all screw up.  The important thing is what comes next:

Technique #1:  Avoidance

We’ve all done this one – just keep going, avoid eye contact, and hope nobody notices…and wallow in guilt.

Technique #2:  I’m Sorry

An authentic apology is indeed a fine art, requiring courage, empathy and the ability to look someone in the eye and own our mistakes.

Technique #3:  Get Creative

This may take the form of a gift or handmade card, or simply a wildly creative email that will leave the recipient in utter amazement so that they can’t possibly feel angry/frustrated/annoyed at you.  This is what my friend chose to do – a truly playful apology.  She can forget to pick up her 12 liters of milk from my overflowing fridge any time she likes if she writes me emails like this (names & locations have been changed to protect the guilty…):

GOOFBALL HOUSEWIFE FORGETS MILK AGAIN
Lets down family and friends

Associated Press
13 February 2010
Vancouver, Canada

In a development that surprises no one, Kathryn Miller, to all appearances a typical Canadian housewife, has revealed the depths of forgetfulness achievable by a truly scatterbrained specimen.

Having confirmed her milk pick up no less than 4 times with her associates the Juliussons and her husband, she could not explain to reporters how she managed to forget her three substantial jugs of valuable, farm-fresh local milk. “I had carpooling today! It’s our first day back to school! It just slipped my mind, okay?”, said Miller as she tried to get her younger child out of a minivan with his lunchbox and mittens.

A disappointed Ross Hanson, Miller’s husband and partner of many years, just shook his head when confronted with events. “Well, it’s happened before… so no one really… counts on having milk around here…”, he revealed when pressed.

The Juliussons, whose standard-size kitchen fridge is currently burdened with Miller’s milk overload, couldn’t be reached by phone for comment.
– Rita Skeeter

There is real grace in her playful response and forgiveness was easy – as Renee Zellweger says in the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire, “You had me at hello.” The time & creativity she put into her apology still have me grinning.  What better apology than that?

Click Here to Read More

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Celebrating Valentines day may have involved chocolate, cards, and perhaps some good old fashioned romance, but we’re here to offer a different sort of gift.

One year ago we posted about a friend who had been in a longterm relationship, then was listed as single on facebook, and then suddenly reemerged as “engaged.”  A closer look at her profile page revealed the following text just below:

Engaged…with myself.

It’s about time!

I can’t stop thinking about how marvelous that is.  What a gift to all of us who are in relationship with her through facebook.  With a simple status change, she announced to her community of friends that she is committed to loving herself.  We could all use a relationship like that….

And yes, one full year later she is still engaged!

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How’s your relationship with marvelous you?

Perhaps you could use a special date together to help rekindle the romance…

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The first in our series of Why Hollyhock? posts…if your little one is too young for you to attend our Mama Renew Retreat this year, let this be a nudge to remembering why Mama Time is so important.

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Imagine stepping out of the routine to a place where the only responsibility you have is to care for yourself.  No dishes, no work, no carpooling, no sibling squabbles.  Nobody else’s needs come first.

As you imagine such a reality you may find yourself thinking that you couldn’t possibly take 3 nights away from your family, or feel reluctant to ask for that much time & investment for yourself.

We have to step out of the routine to step back into ourselves. It has been said that we have to say a lot of small “no’s” to make room for a big Yes.

This as an opportunity to say a Great Big Yes!

Those of you who say Yes will be surrounded by stunning ocean, mountains, and spring flowers.  You will eat food so delicious and nourishing that you’ll buy the Hollyhock cookbook to try and recreate the goodness at home. You’ll soak in the oceanfront hot tub for sunrise or stargazing and anytime you please in between. You can choose from daily yoga, dance workshops, massage treatments, kayak outings and more.

Every moment of our time together is designed to nurture and inspire, gently nudge and deeply challenge, and give you the space and time you need to reconnect with yourself as a woman and mother.

See you there?   Space is limited!

For mothers of todders, tweens, teens & empty nesters

Visit the Mama Renew and Hollyhock websites to Learn More

or call Sarah at 604.254.1100

and Hollyhock at 1-800-933-6339 x232

Last night I was blessed to join in a circle of fellow Kindergarten parents to explore the theme of the “hurried parent.”  We began by each sharing a recent treasured moment with our child. You could see each parent’s face transform as they described the beauty revealed from those moments of absolute mindful presence with their child.

Me, I found myself reflecting on the routine moments in the day  -  bath & bedtime, meals, bedtime stories…  As a self-employed working mother these are my primary moments with them. I felt sadness as other parents described forest explorations and games, feeling the loss of the hours I am not able to share with them.

In our family we are striving to no longer use the word “busy”, but my life is indeed full. Very full.   I’m doing good work, and I know that my boys take pride in what I give to our wider community, and that my work is an integral part of what helps me feel whole.  This does not change, however, the sense of loss I feel as a working mother.

As we talked, I thought of these routine moments I share with them, and how beautiful they are.  We have our rhythms and rituals, our secrets and treats.  I can’t change how full my life is, but I can have both compassion for myself in this delicate balance I strive to maintain, and I can give my whole self to the moments I share with them.

Miss Ruth, the Kindergarten teacher, took me aside this morning and shared words of experience and perspective as a working mother.   It is good to know that we are living these full lives within a broader community, and the circle of support is there to both honour where we are, and give us that gentle nudge when we need it.

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We know that self-care is all about the small moments.  The five minute stretch, tea with a friend, saying no, asking for help…  Each of these nurtures our growth as women and mothers, and represent one step forward on the path of Mama Renew.  In honour of the small moments, we are excited to share with you our new biweekly email & blog update:

Welcome to RENEW

featuring one self-care inspiration

and links to our latest blog postings.

One short inspiring RENEW every other week
No more, no less, sweet & simple.

SNOW DAY!!!!

We realize that those words may not evoke feelings of pure wonder & excitement in all of you.

Along with the glory of a heavy snow fall comes the complete revisioning of the day ahead.  If you have school-aged children, you will know well the quick mental reshuffle that occurs when they are unexpectedly at home all day long.

We got an email from our younger son’s Kindergarten teacher today with the following:

In a circle of friends we were reflecting on favourite childhood memories.  Five out of seven had memories of sharing with family on a now day.  No pressure?! Really.

There is something special about a snow day.  The world is quiet(er).  The desire to bake grows stronger.  Perhaps we too can treat it as a Mama Renew day.  A day of play.  Of embracing the unexpected.  Celebrating our children and their utter glee.

Amidst it all, remember to sit down for a quiet mug of hot chocolate (with whipped cream, of course) while they play.

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Favourite snow day memories?

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