Mama Renew

I’m going to Mexico with my mom this week.  In the past year we have celebrated our 40th and 70th birthdays, and she wisely proposed that we honour this momentous year with a shared adventure.

We’ve never done this before.  The most we’ve managed is an outing to the mall, a few treasured day hikes, and antique foraging. I haven’t spent this much time alone with her since our tour of east coast colleges when I was 17 – a mere 23 years ago…

It’s a beautiful gift, this time together – I’m stepping away from my family, work, and a greenhouse waiting for me to begin this years seedlings.  She too is leaving behind responsibilities at home, the church, her volunteer work and the garden club. We’re shedding our busy days with the hope to reconnect as women, and as mother and daughter.

As mother-daughter teams go, we’re pretty darned good.  We enjoy and respect one another, and share in our love of colour, antiques, sewing, cooking, and music.

Still, we lead very different lives, and at times we have both struggled to respect the other’s choices and lifestyle. Every visit includes one good squabble and cry, and my husband and brothers all now simply wait for it to come, and know that it will pass…

For this time together I will strive to:
1. Do my best to listen with my heart.  
2. Ask good questions.  
3. Be open to learning something new about her.
4. Enjoy her and have a good laugh every day.
5. Honour all that she has given me.  
6. Share openly about my life & choices.
7. Know that the love I feel for my boys is the same love as she feels for me.
8. Love and appreciate her as she is.

Here’s to hoping that what happens in Mexico,
comes home from Mexico…

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A friend screwed up recently.  Not in a big way – she just forgot to pick up the milk delivery from our house (again.)  We all screw up.  The important thing is what comes next:

Technique #1:  Avoidance

We’ve all done this one – just keep going, avoid eye contact, and hope nobody notices…and wallow in guilt.

Technique #2:  I’m Sorry

An authentic apology is indeed a fine art, requiring courage, empathy and the ability to look someone in the eye and own our mistakes.

Technique #3:  Get Creative

This may take the form of a gift or handmade card, or simply a wildly creative email that will leave the recipient in utter amazement so that they can’t possibly feel angry/frustrated/annoyed at you.  This is what my friend chose to do – a truly playful apology.  She can forget to pick up her 12 liters of milk from my overflowing fridge any time she likes if she writes me emails like this (names & locations have been changed to protect the guilty…):

GOOFBALL HOUSEWIFE FORGETS MILK AGAIN
Lets down family and friends

Associated Press
13 February 2010
Vancouver, Canada

In a development that surprises no one, Kathryn Miller, to all appearances a typical Canadian housewife, has revealed the depths of forgetfulness achievable by a truly scatterbrained specimen.

Having confirmed her milk pick up no less than 4 times with her associates the Juliussons and her husband, she could not explain to reporters how she managed to forget her three substantial jugs of valuable, farm-fresh local milk. “I had carpooling today! It’s our first day back to school! It just slipped my mind, okay?”, said Miller as she tried to get her younger child out of a minivan with his lunchbox and mittens.

A disappointed Ross Hanson, Miller’s husband and partner of many years, just shook his head when confronted with events. “Well, it’s happened before… so no one really… counts on having milk around here…”, he revealed when pressed.

The Juliussons, whose standard-size kitchen fridge is currently burdened with Miller’s milk overload, couldn’t be reached by phone for comment.
– Rita Skeeter

There is real grace in her playful response and forgiveness was easy – as Renee Zellweger says in the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire, “You had me at hello.” The time & creativity she put into her apology still have me grinning.  What better apology than that?

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Celebrating Valentines day may have involved chocolate, cards, and perhaps some good old fashioned romance, but we’re here to offer a different sort of gift.

One year ago we posted about a friend who had been in a longterm relationship, then was listed as single on facebook, and then suddenly reemerged as “engaged.”  A closer look at her profile page revealed the following text just below:

Engaged…with myself.

It’s about time!

I can’t stop thinking about how marvelous that is.  What a gift to all of us who are in relationship with her through facebook.  With a simple status change, she announced to her community of friends that she is committed to loving herself.  We could all use a relationship like that….

And yes, one full year later she is still engaged!

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How’s your relationship with marvelous you?

Perhaps you could use a special date together to help rekindle the romance…

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The first in our series of Why Hollyhock? posts…if your little one is too young for you to attend our Mama Renew Retreat this year, let this be a nudge to remembering why Mama Time is so important.

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Imagine stepping out of the routine to a place where the only responsibility you have is to care for yourself.  No dishes, no work, no carpooling, no sibling squabbles.  Nobody else’s needs come first.

As you imagine such a reality you may find yourself thinking that you couldn’t possibly take 3 nights away from your family, or feel reluctant to ask for that much time & investment for yourself.

We have to step out of the routine to step back into ourselves. It has been said that we have to say a lot of small “no’s” to make room for a big Yes.

This as an opportunity to say a Great Big Yes!

Those of you who say Yes will be surrounded by stunning ocean, mountains, and spring flowers.  You will eat food so delicious and nourishing that you’ll buy the Hollyhock cookbook to try and recreate the goodness at home. You’ll soak in the oceanfront hot tub for sunrise or stargazing and anytime you please in between. You can choose from daily yoga, dance workshops, massage treatments, kayak outings and more.

Every moment of our time together is designed to nurture and inspire, gently nudge and deeply challenge, and give you the space and time you need to reconnect with yourself as a woman and mother.

See you there?   Space is limited!

For mothers of todders, tweens, teens & empty nesters

Visit the Mama Renew and Hollyhock websites to Learn More

or call Sarah at 604.254.1100

and Hollyhock at 1-800-933-6339 x232

Last night I was blessed to join in a circle of fellow Kindergarten parents to explore the theme of the “hurried parent.”  We began by each sharing a recent treasured moment with our child. You could see each parent’s face transform as they described the beauty revealed from those moments of absolute mindful presence with their child.

Me, I found myself reflecting on the routine moments in the day  -  bath & bedtime, meals, bedtime stories…  As a self-employed working mother these are my primary moments with them. I felt sadness as other parents described forest explorations and games, feeling the loss of the hours I am not able to share with them.

In our family we are striving to no longer use the word “busy”, but my life is indeed full. Very full.   I’m doing good work, and I know that my boys take pride in what I give to our wider community, and that my work is an integral part of what helps me feel whole.  This does not change, however, the sense of loss I feel as a working mother.

As we talked, I thought of these routine moments I share with them, and how beautiful they are.  We have our rhythms and rituals, our secrets and treats.  I can’t change how full my life is, but I can have both compassion for myself in this delicate balance I strive to maintain, and I can give my whole self to the moments I share with them.

Miss Ruth, the Kindergarten teacher, took me aside this morning and shared words of experience and perspective as a working mother.   It is good to know that we are living these full lives within a broader community, and the circle of support is there to both honour where we are, and give us that gentle nudge when we need it.

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We know that self-care is all about the small moments.  The five minute stretch, tea with a friend, saying no, asking for help…  Each of these nurtures our growth as women and mothers, and represent one step forward on the path of Mama Renew.  In honour of the small moments, we are excited to share with you our new biweekly email & blog update:

Welcome to RENEW

featuring one self-care inspiration

and links to our latest blog postings.

One short inspiring RENEW every other week
No more, no less, sweet & simple.

SNOW DAY!!!!

We realize that those words may not evoke feelings of pure wonder & excitement in all of you.

Along with the glory of a heavy snow fall comes the complete revisioning of the day ahead.  If you have school-aged children, you will know well the quick mental reshuffle that occurs when they are unexpectedly at home all day long.

We got an email from our younger son’s Kindergarten teacher today with the following:

In a circle of friends we were reflecting on favourite childhood memories.  Five out of seven had memories of sharing with family on a now day.  No pressure?! Really.

There is something special about a snow day.  The world is quiet(er).  The desire to bake grows stronger.  Perhaps we too can treat it as a Mama Renew day.  A day of play.  Of embracing the unexpected.  Celebrating our children and their utter glee.

Amidst it all, remember to sit down for a quiet mug of hot chocolate (with whipped cream, of course) while they play.

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Favourite snow day memories?

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Another Holiday Season is upon us.

A busy time, yes, but also one when we are deeply aware of the importance of family and tradition, and the cycle of the seasons.  As we navigate the holiday parties and gift lists, our sense of connection with the fundamental rhythm of the season can be diminished.

It is interesting to note that in labour, a core coping approach for most women involves some element of rhythm.  Rocking, moaning, swaying, breath, each of these offers a sense of ritual, a grounding in something that feels solid in the midst of the unknown.

In this busy holiday season we also long for rhythm, seeking some sense of connection with our foundation of family and tradition.  In her book Seven Times the Sun, Shea Darian writes:

“The rhythm of family is a crucial catalyst in restoring the rhythm of the world.”

Perhaps our best response to the whirlwind of the holiday season is to return to our first rhythms, those of our family.  A daily family walk,  bedtime songs, faith traditions & pizza night.  Each of these helps to create a safe space in which we and our children can feel held in rhythm with our needs rather than drawn into the needs of the world around us.

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How do you create rhythm within your family?

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Where’s all my soul sisters?

Lemme Hear Y’all Flow Sisters!

On Saturday night ten ordinary mothers went missing.  In their place emerged the Soul Sisters of Sunrise, setting aside beloved wool sweaters and rain boots for a parade of costumes that included evening gowns, bling, 1940s swing wear,  lingerie and fishnets.   The occasion?  The parent talent show fundraiser for our tiny Sunrise Waldorf School on Vancouver Island, BC.

It all started with a simple email invitation, and 10 of us answered with astounding enthusiasm.  By the 3rd night it was clear this was no ordinary talent show act – our set list was anything but tame.  Fever (a la Peggy lee), Candyman (Cristina Aguilera – see below), and um…. Lady Marmalade (Pink & Friends).

Our mission clear, we devoted ourselves to an intensive weekly rehearsals lasting 3-4 hours each.   This level of commitment reveals how much each of us was gaining from the group.  Reconnecting with former lives in theatre, dance & music, a sense of discovery in one another as we let ourselves get wilder by the week, and the satisfaction that comes from creating something special together in a group.

Appropriately, the show was a benefit for a new Social Inclusion program at the school.  Our time together revealed the importance of connecting with other parents in playful, creative ways – getting to know one another beyond the assumptions made in the school parking lot.  Courage, trust and sisterhood were all needed to step forward in glamorous gear and share with our school community our wild side…  Pics to come soon, once I have permission from all my beloved soul sisters.

For now I’ll let you imagine with the video from candyman…

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Inspired? Amused?

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by Sarah

When I was in my early twenties I got really excited about the idea of painting watercolour covers for all my cassette tapes.  Dozens of tape cases and a few paintings in my journals later, I set the paints aside recognizing that i had no great talent or skill in this particular art form.

Here’s the catch:  I really enjoyed it.

And yet I set it aside.  I allowed my thinking brain, my inner judge, to bring an end to an activity that had brought me great delight.

Now, almost twenty years later, I am painting again.  This time on canvas with acrylics.  While dancing.  Yes, I am dancing and painting! My dear friend Sybille offers a Dance Your Painting workshop.  Once a week we gather in circle and she shares our theme for the morning, exploring the energy of each of the 7 chakras.   She guides us into movement and so it begins.

There is no need to stand puzzled before a blank canvas or to come with a brilliant artistic inspiration.  My thinking brain is set aside and as I dance, the images come to me.  When I am ready I pick up the brush and begin.  My paintings are filled with strong colours, swirls and curves.  Each time I feel stuck or begin to Think, Analyze or Judge, my hips begin to sway to the music and I set down the brushes to allow myself to simply feel the painting.

“Don’t try to paint what you feel.  Feel and paint.”

- Michelle Cassou

My days are full and the to do list is long.  Once a week all this is set aside.  The movement, the colour, the unknown of what each dance and canvas will bring.  I am enchanted.

Now for the truly brave moment – here are a few of my works of art for your viewing pleasure!  Grab some wine, crackers and cheese and enjoy my very first gallery opening…

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Stop and reflect for a moment.

If you look through your family photos, how many images include you?

Even more telling, are there any photos just of you?

Not you breastfeeding, not you with a toddler swinging off your hip in a sling, not you on a family hike, not you pushing a swing.  Just you.  On your own.

Imagine.

If you have been wise enough to include such photos in the family collection, we applaud you.  We’re guessing, however, that you’re a lot like the rest of us and maybe only have a few, and of these maybe only one that you actually like.  Or maybe even none at all.

In a recent Mama Renew group my dear friend Nancy, photographer extraordinaire, gifted each woman participating with a photo session.  Just for us.  No kids allowed.  No partner.  Just mama.

What a beautiful gift.  And a perfect way to strike absolute terror into my heart. Just of me?  I tried to bargain, asking to include the kids.  At the root was my fear – what if I didn’t like what I saw?

Soon after my 40th birthday Nancy reintroduced me to myself through her lens. She came with not only her camera, but the desire to capture my way of being in the world.  Her images will serve as a testimony to my unique beauty, and who I am as woman today.

Thank you, Nancy!

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Our Mama Renew challenge to all of you?  Find a Nancy.

She may be a professional photographer, or a dear friend.

Let yourself be seen through someone else’s eye –

and may you find beauty in your own reflection.

What have you always wanted to try?  Surfing was my thing.

I’d always wanted to know what it would be like to be out there, but many layers of assumptions prevented me from even daring to believe that I could actually do it. I was too out of shape, not that “type” of person, and the thought of finding a wetsuit that could fit my curves was profoundly intimidating.  Note, the image at left is Not me! But I like her, as though she were the woman inside of me who simply knows she can do this is.

Thanks to my personal journey with Mama Renew, enough of my fears had shifted to allow me to try a surfing lesson when we returned two years later.  While the wetsuit experience was still less than pleasant, I was able to ride wave after wave and couldn’t stop smiling.   Still, I felt inadequate as the only member of the group unable to manoeuvre myself to a standing position on the board.

One year later, and for the past 3 days I have been slipping on a wetsuit with joy and riding massive waves all the way into shore.  No, I’m not yet standing.  I haven’t even tried.   And the wetsuit doesn’t exactly “slip” on.

One more year of Mama Renew has brought me to a unique blend of living adventurously and having the compassion for myself to simply enjoy where I am. I may stand one day, maybe never.  For now I am loving being out there in the surf with the absolute freedom to play with no assumptions, no judging, no limits, just pure beautiful play.

Surfing, by the way, is really really fun.

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And you?  What do you imagine would be really, really fun, but….something holds you back?

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Recent Status Update from a Mama Friend: A mini skirt is a detriment in vinyl covered east Texas.

Here we are in 2009, more and yet less connected than we ‘ve ever been.  The social media phenomenon known as Facebook has brought together many old friends, some dear, others distant, many all but forgotten until they showed up as a Friend Request.

Spending time with some teenagers recently revealed their wonderful habit of transforming random moments in the day into rather brilliant facebook status updates. This quirky habit soon revealed a benefit (beyond having a vibrantly active facebook page!), allowing us to share our lives with honesty, humor, and insight.

There is much beauty and experience to be shared, even in an ordinary day. Discoveries and reflections, successes and quandries, each present us with an opportunity to share with our broader community a glimpse into the authentic experience of our lives. You never know how your words may inspire, challenge or amuse a “Friend” in their own life.

Our challenge to you:  if you’re on Facebook (and if you’re not, kudos to you – and stay that way!), make your next status update one that shares more than just the rain or your day at the zoo. Here are a few ideas:

1. Feeling inspired by a blog post or youtube video?  Share with friends by creating a link using the Share This button at the base of the blog post.

2. Reading a great book?  Pick out a special quote to share.

3.  Share the quirky moments in your day, the ones that help friends get to know you in new ways, and remind them to find beauty and humor in the unexpected.

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Will you be our friend?

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We don’t tend to have all that much spare time as mothers, so what better poetry genre to portray our lives than haiku? Capturing the moments in our lives that are funny, poignant, reflective and occasionally outrageous, the new genre of mama haikus somehow manages to convey the heart of our experience in seventeen short syllables.

Many mama blogs include examples of haikus that capture the beauty and challenges of parenting and motherhood.  A few years ago for a Mothers Day celebration we invited guests to write an impromptu haiku on motherhood.  Recently in celebration of my 40th birthday friends near and far were invited to share a haiku.

Fluttering in the breeze, hung on the branches of an apple tree were 87 haikus, each capturing a different part of who I am in this world and how they experience me.  What an innovative and loving gift, one that I will cherish for years to come.

We at Mama Renew challenge each of you to write a haiku – for a friend, for yourself, for your child.  Not the poetry type?  Perfect, seventeen short syllables are all you need.

Need inspiration?  Check out some of these haiku inspired by motherhood:

The Mommy Blog

Austin Mama

Great interview with Kari Roy, Author of Haiku Mama

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Inspired?

Click here to Contribute your Haiku

We’ve had some momentous birthdays around here lately.  Both co-founders of Mama Renew, Sarah and Jennifer-Lee, have turned 40 within the past month.  We have enjoyed a unique journey of reconnection and renewal over the past year, and we’re loving where it has brought us .  We’re entering our 40’s with excitement, energy and vision.

A few of us celebrated this  year’s summer solstice with a labyrinth walk at a lavender farm.  We loved being some of the youngest women present, with most of the group in their 50s, 60s, and 70s.  As we approached the labyrinth we were guided by questions and quotes inviting us to celebrate the wild and outrageous in our lives.

As we enjoyed lavender cookies and wine after the walk, several of the older women shared with us how good it was to see younger women (us) present, and know that we are caring for ourselves in this way at the tender young age of 39…  They spoke of the unexpected freedom and power they were feeling as they grew old, and how much more connected they felt to being outrageous and wild in their choices.

Today we were featured on sweetmama.ca with our words of encouragement in their blog post on turning 35. We are excited to see where this new decade will bring us, as women and mothers, and as we nurture Mama Renew to new growth.  Whether you’re twenty or seventy or somewhere in between, we hope you are feeling free and enjoying a healthy dose of the wild and outrageous.

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