Lastnight I had a lovely talk with a friend in need of a listening ear as she moves into an exciting new clarity in her next life step.  I find much joy in watching friends blossom in new directions, and this particular friend has been working towards this big new path for a very long time.

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself?”    ~ Lao-tzu

This quote arrived in my inbox last night from Meghan Rathwell (who also inspired this great post on new motherhood and donated a fabulous prize for our Virtual Retreat this Spring).   Perfect Timing.

One of the things I love about the experience of a Mama Renew group is the way we have room to explore our assumptions about what our lives are “supposed” to look like.  Often we see women asking daring questions, revealing seldom declared life dreams, and feeling a healthy dose of optimism and creativity.

Reaching clear discernment is not a simple task.  Most of us enjoy many, many long discussions full of questions and worries and that wonderful query “What if…?” In a post last May we wrote:

And yet every once in a while, we ourselves, or someone we love, takes the leap and says Yes, somehow moving beyond the world of being sensible.

What is it that allows us to move from “what if…” to “I can”?  As mothers I suspect that the patience for clarity is sometimes harder.  We cannot separate our own life decisions from those of our life as a family, and this can create some considerably thick mud to wade through!

Eventually, however, there is indeed a moment of clarity, and it is very much this feeling of the mud and the muck and the questions and worries and doubts all settling to the ground (even if for only a few moments) and everything is crystal clear.  It is not a moment we can create or plan for.  Clarity simply arrives, often in a profoundly understated and simple way. And then we take the first new and exciting steps forward

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We’d love to hear from some of you – How do you know when something is right?  Where do you feel it in your body?  What would you like to say Yes to?

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Many thanks to Martha of Laughing Volcano Art for the use of her beautiful Blue Girl Leap of Faith image.



Now it’s our turn! 

Please help us win the 2010 SavvyMom Top Mom Entrepreneur Award.

From my beginning as a stay-at-home mom teaching the occasional class, to our present team of 14 fabulous women & seven locations, I am in awe of what the past seven years of growth have brought us, and the potential for what lays ahead.

In recent years we have witnessed dramatic changes to the landscape of childbirth and family support.  The advent of social media has transformed how we as a business are able to interact with our wider community.  We have big dreams for Mama Renew & Dancing Star Birth – and this award will allow us to take big steps forward in the realm of online education and support.

If each and every one of you casts just one vote, we have a very real chance of winning.  If you have a friend or partner who could vote as well, invite them to join you!   So please, take just a few minutes to cast a vote for us, and on behalf of all the families we dream of supporting in the years to come.

THANK YOU!

click on the image above, or here to cast your vote.

To vote you will be asked to join SavvyMom.  They have great resources for you to enjoy, or you can easily unsubscribe after voting.

www.dancingstarbirth.ca & www.mamarenew.ca

Keep a list of everything that interests and excites you, no matter how insignificant.

Remind yourself that these are indicators or clues

that both the talent & the necessary Spirit assistance exist to bring them into your reality.

- Wayne Dyer

What sparks you?  We all have a mental list, some high priority and some all but forgotten.  On any given ordinary day we may come across something new for our list, catching us by surprise.

I, for example, have recently grown very intrigued by the idea of growing & wild harvesting mushrooms.  I know this is likely not high on most of your lists, but I really really want to learn.  I haven’t yet truly made the space to learn, and it may be a few more years before it happens, but it’s on my list.  Each time I hear about it I get these ridiculous flutters of excitement – about fungus!   I know the day will come.

At the retreat we did a fun sharing of all the things that interest or excite us that are not yet part of our reality. We went around the circle maybe 5 times, a marvelous discovery of the diversity of women in the room. Turns out we are interested and excited by some very cool things – and somehow just saying them out loud helped each of us feel that they are indeed possible.

Turns out we are interested and excited by some very cool things – and somehow just saying them out loud helped each of us feel that they are indeed possible.  There’s a reason that mushrooms excite me, along with quilting, weaving, sourdough, silversmithing, and a few more that I won’t mention in this very public venue

While part of what holds me back is certainly time, there is also a threshold or line that needs to be intentionally stepped over for each. Sourdough is my newest love to enter my daily life, and now that I have begun & gained confidence in it there is an ease to baking our family bread & the beautiful sourdough pancakes I made this morning.  There is real truth in the slogan “Just do it,”  and once we’re on the other side of that threshold the way seems to open.

What’s on your list?

This is no bucket list, friends, this is a list for Now.  What do you crave?

Lessons learned:

1.  Listen to Creative Whims!

It was a whim, really, to create the Virtual Retreat, and I’m still in awe of what it became.  While my mind certainly pondered saying “no” to this last minute project in favour of all the other things on my “to do” list,  my heart knew better.  I’m so glad we were able to share in the retreat spirit with all of you who were unable to join us “live”.  What’s your whim?

2.  Just ask.

It’s one thing to envision a Virtual Retreat, and another to actually create it.  Within 24 hours we were “live”, with a fabulous array of prizes for Virtual Retreat participants.

Deep gratitude to Meghan Rathwell of Nourishing Arts Collective, Kyrani Kanavaros of Klik Photographic, Lisa Marie Bhattacharya of Ocean Light Cottage & Spa on Bowen Island, and Maria Mizuno with Mama Goddess Birth Shop

for their support in bringing the retreat to life and helping the four lucky winners – Megan, Mika, Genevieve & Katy – to bring some renewal into their lives.

2.  Make Room for Connection

It seems to me that we need far more openings for connection as women and mothers.  Your response & engagement blew me away, and I was surprised by the ways in which your virtual participation enriched our group experience at Hollyhock. Thank you all for reaching out – I hope we can keep the dialogue going here, through our RENEW newsletter & on our facebook page!

3.  Eat Oysters Whenever Possible

Ok, so they’re slimy looking & more than a bit intimidating, but we savoured every slurp, as seen in the finger-licking photo above.  While these won’t likely be appearing on our family dinner table on a regular basis, we appreciated the reminder to take risks and try something new.

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Over the course of the evening I became increasingly clear that I had my own No to say.  With a back injury that has now migrated into shoulder & neck I am needing to be very careful with my movements to support healing.  Hollyhock hosts a wonderful early morning row out to a small rock island, however, and I WANTED to go, along with other women from our group.

So this morning I went down to the beach at 6:45 planning to simply photograph them & wave goodbye.  As I said my reluctant but clear “No” the guide welcomed me onto the boat with his 100% support to not row at all.   While saying “no” was hard, saying “yes” was even harder.  To know that 10 other people were going to do all the work while I simply sat there?  Excruciating!  and Lovely.

Your Virtual Retreat task is to consider –   Is there something you need to say No to?  Even if you truly Long to be able to say Yes?  What might open up in your life if you are able to say the No that needs to be said?

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Then I shared the groundrules.  One of our core rules in Mama Renew groups is no talking about our children.   Now this is hard.  Sometimes it’s really hard.    Another ground rule is to not “mother” other women in the circle.  This means no passing kleenex, no saying comforting things, no suggestions of how to make it better…  Simply holding one another where we need to be.

I went to a Birthing From Within retreat years ago with brilliant writer & visionary Pam England.  At the time I was a relatively new mother – my first born (now was just 18 months old and I was there pumping & praying that my milk supply would make it through and missing him terribly.  That very first night as we began to introduce ourselves “through” our children (I am mother to X and Y and Z…) she stopped us.  We were not there as mothers.  We were there for ourselves, to grow in our Birthing From Within practice.

Having been so immersed in the intensity of new motherhood for the past year and a half I found this to be crushing.  Without identifying myself as Galen’s mother I wasn’t sure who I was, or even what I had to contribute.  I had allowed myself to be consumed by one aspect of myself without nourishing the whole.

Are we mothers?  Absolutely.  We are here because we are mothers. In this time & space, however, we are here as women.

There are other capable and loving people caring for our children.

We do not need to mother them in this moment.  We do not need to mother one another.  We only need to “mother” ourselves.

Hard?  Absolutely.  Essential?  You know it.

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May 27th – 30th 2010 at glorious Hollyhock on Cortes Island…

and if you want to come, but don’t think you can afford it, I’ve got a special offer for you.

Please do call me at 604 254 1100

& I will do my very best to make it possible for you to enjoy this amazing retreat.

Hosted in a room known as the Healing Sanctuary in a cob building at the beautiful OUR Ecovillage, the earthen walls and floors, candles, stained glass, and heartfelt sharing were enough to create a beautiful memory of the evening.  Add on the evening walk around the ecovillage land and a sauna after our discussion and the evening was absolute perfection.

I feel a bit like an infommercial here, But Wait!  It Get’s Better!

As another mother and I prepared to return home our car got stuck in the mud.  There were were on a dark and cold night, two mamas sitting in the front seat feeling guilty that we were going to have to ask for help from our fellow parents still basking in the sauna. Imagine our surprise when before we could even get out of the car, into the glare of our headlights appeared our heros -

my husband and another dear friend – both naked but for their boxer briefs.

We howled with laughter, hooted wholehearted approval, hollered our gratitude, clapped with glee, and whistled in appreciation…

While the evening was lovely,  the sight of them leaping into the glare of our headlights to the rescue is a memory to be treasured.

Now that’s self-care.

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We’ve never done this before.  The most we’ve managed is an outing to the mall, a few treasured day hikes, and antique foraging. I haven’t spent this much time alone with her since our tour of east coast colleges when I was 17 – a mere 23 years ago…

It’s a beautiful gift, this time together – I’m stepping away from my family, work, and a greenhouse waiting for me to begin this years seedlings.  She too is leaving behind responsibilities at home, the church, her volunteer work and the garden club. We’re shedding our busy days with the hope to reconnect as women, and as mother and daughter.

As mother-daughter teams go, we’re pretty darned good.  We enjoy and respect one another, and share in our love of colour, antiques, sewing, cooking, and music.

Still, we lead very different lives, and at times we have both struggled to respect the other’s choices and lifestyle. Every visit includes one good squabble and cry, and my husband and brothers all now simply wait for it to come, and know that it will pass…

For this time together I will strive to:
1. Do my best to listen with my heart.  
2. Ask good questions.  
3. Be open to learning something new about her.
4. Enjoy her and have a good laugh every day.
5. Honour all that she has given me.  
6. Share openly about my life & choices.
7. Know that the love I feel for my boys is the same love as she feels for me.
8. Love and appreciate her as she is.

Here’s to hoping that what happens in Mexico,
comes home from Mexico…

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Technique #1:  Avoidance

We’ve all done this one – just keep going, avoid eye contact, and hope nobody notices…and wallow in guilt.

Technique #2:  I’m Sorry

An authentic apology is indeed a fine art, requiring courage, empathy and the ability to look someone in the eye and own our mistakes.

Technique #3:  Get Creative

This may take the form of a gift or handmade card, or simply a wildly creative email that will leave the recipient in utter amazement so that they can’t possibly feel angry/frustrated/annoyed at you.  This is what my friend chose to do – a truly playful apology.  She can forget to pick up her 12 liters of milk from my overflowing fridge any time she likes if she writes me emails like this (names & locations have been changed to protect the guilty…):

GOOFBALL HOUSEWIFE FORGETS MILK AGAIN
Lets down family and friends

Associated Press
13 February 2010
Vancouver, Canada

In a development that surprises no one, Kathryn Miller, to all appearances a typical Canadian housewife, has revealed the depths of forgetfulness achievable by a truly scatterbrained specimen.

Having confirmed her milk pick up no less than 4 times with her associates the Juliussons and her husband, she could not explain to reporters how she managed to forget her three substantial jugs of valuable, farm-fresh local milk. “I had carpooling today! It’s our first day back to school! It just slipped my mind, okay?”, said Miller as she tried to get her younger child out of a minivan with his lunchbox and mittens.

A disappointed Ross Hanson, Miller’s husband and partner of many years, just shook his head when confronted with events. “Well, it’s happened before… so no one really… counts on having milk around here…”, he revealed when pressed.

The Juliussons, whose standard-size kitchen fridge is currently burdened with Miller’s milk overload, couldn’t be reached by phone for comment.
– Rita Skeeter

There is real grace in her playful response and forgiveness was easy – as Renee Zellweger says in the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire, “You had me at hello.” The time & creativity she put into her apology still have me grinning.  What better apology than that?

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