Mama Renew

Dear Mamas,

I am delighted to have two copies of the fabulous new book Moon Mysteries to give away.   Please comment below for your chance to win.  Increase your chances by liking the Mama Renew facebook page and sharing the link on facebook!  Contest closes at midnight, Sunday December 11th.

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Way back in my twenties as I entered birth work, I experienced a sort of mini-personal revolution learning about the power of women’s bodies – and with it, a discovery of my period as a source of connection rather than dread. And so began years of exploration – trying out cloth pads and sea sponges, charting my cycles, discovering fertility awareness…  It was a wondrous time of discovery and integration, and certainly a core part of who I was growing into as a woman.

Fast forward 20 years, and I am the mother of two growing boys.  I’m aware that I bled sometime in the past few weeks (?) but that’s about as far as my charting goes these days. While I’m still a devoted user of Lunapads and the Diva Cup (a vast improvement on the sea sponge of my early 20s), I’m certainly not feeling the sense of celebration or connection that I did in my 20’s.  While I know this in part due to my crazy full magical life, I do wonder if perhaps being beyond my fertile years also plays into it.

I have been delighted to review a copy of Moon Mysteries:  Reclaiming Women’s Menstrual Wisdom, by Nao Sims and Nikiah Seeds.  From the stunning front cover image, to the wondrous paintings contained within, the book feels more like a treasure than a text, and I have found myself savouring the words and stories within.  Inside you will find the history, traditions and mythology of menstruation captured within 13 moon cycles, each month exploring a different realm of women’s psyche as it relates to the menstrual cycle.  Also included are heartfelt personal stories from the authors own journey, and an absolutely lovely circular chart to use for your own moon cycle documentation.

I truly love their chart.  Along with the moon phases, it has room for us to document our emotions, creativity, sexuality, and energy.  For the first time in years I find myself inspired to begin charting again.  Given that I only have another 10 years or so left of my moon cycle, it would be nice to experience a reconnection as I move toward my next life stage.

I’d love to hear from all of you as well.   I’m giving away two copies of this inspiring book.  Please comment below on one of these two questions  and like the Mama Renew facebook page (let us know in a comment below) for your chances to win – each thing you do counts as a separate entry.  Share this link on your facebook page and get yet another entry!  Contest will close this Sunday, December 11th at midnight.

How has your journey into motherhood affected your relationship to your moon cycle?

Why would you love to have a copy of Moon Mysteries?

I’ve been away for a romantic weekend with my dear husband.  These tend to be times when we get clear together, making plans, setting choices, questioning our choices and patterns… While much of our exploration on this particular weekend has been around financial planning, the core lesson I’m bringing home is about striving to live within our means.

Ok, let’s start by conjuring up images of what it means to live beyond our means:  Reckless and extravagant spending, no limits, whim as the primary determinate of spending rather than pure need…  The notion of “means” I’m exploring, however, goes far beyond our family finances.

While the finances part of this is essential, for me, right now, it’s all about our “means of energy and time, and how we spend them. A friend brought this idea of living within our means up recently and I just can’t stop thinking about it as I go through my days.  I put So much energy into living within my means financially – why is it so hard to hold those boundaries for myself when it comes to energy & time?

When I look at my life I see a lot of roles – mother of two growing boys, wife, 4 businesses to run, caretaker to a 5 acre farm with roughly 40 chickens, one cow, a baby water buffalo, and a cat, and the rather lofty goal of meeting 80% of our family food needs from our own land through year-round gardens, animals, and extensive food preservation.

Where do the “means” of time and energy fit into all of this? None of the above is even possible if I am too drained to function in a healthy way. A big part of it is knowing when to say “no” and “this is enough”. It’s letting go of the extraordinarily high expectations I have of myself and being comfortable with something that is less than my ideal, yet in all likelihood more than good enough.

Here are a few of my ideas so far – I welcome your ideas, or examples from your own life:

1.  I’ve put on a far back burner a few work projects that I’ve been feeling guilty about not completing.  Clearly, they are not a priority right now, so it’s time for me to respect that.

2.  Frankly, preserving enough food for the winter has led me to question more than a few times what “enough” is – maybe 3 jams per month should be enough – instead of 5… To help answer this question, I’ve devised a new food tracking system organizing all our preserved food by month instead of type so we can see exactly what we end up using each month and how much we should make in 2012.  And I suppose that the very fact that we’ve designed a spreadsheet should indicate to you how over the top we are – sigh…

3.  Maybe it’s about planting more onions and potatoes, and less of the beans that need constant picking and canning…

4.  I’ve made a work schedule for myself that includes a few blocks for creative time (I always seem to be too tired at night for this) and fitness.  It adds up to a good 35 hours of work per week, but if it works my hope is that work time will feel more energized and focused because other needs are also being met.

This may be sounding like a dreadfully functional weekend away.  Schedules?  Food tracking systems?  Garden planning?  Fear not, we also enjoyed all of the wonderful things you might anticipate a couple doing on a weekend away from their children. Besides, I assure you – excel spreadsheets can be very exciting….

Down near the bottom
of the crossed-out list
of things you have to do today,

between “green thread”
and “broccoli,” you find
that you have penciled “sunlight.”

Resting on the page, the word
is beautiful. It touches you
as if you had a friend

and sunlight were a present
he had sent from someplace distant
as this morning—to cheer you up,

and to remind you that,
among your duties, pleasure

is a thing that also needs accomplishing.

read the rest here… – you’ll love it.

Wishing each of you some sunlight amidst the green thread and broccoli.

Blessings,

Sarah

All this crafting discussion on our facebook page and blog from yesterday’s Creative Mama post has me thinking about power tools.  I used a drill for the very first time yesterday building the kids a pup tent.  I found it tremendously satisfying.  I understood in a new way why my dear husband loves his tools so much.

Then I went inside and used My power tool:  The Sewing Machine.  When my first beloved sewing machine died I found myself in an unexpected quandry.  I had to buy a new machine, and while we technically had the savings to invest in this way, I just couldn’t bring myself to spend the money.   Bottom line – I didn’t feel I was justified in spending money on something that I wanted, something that wasn’t for our family.

I know that was silly of me – of course it was for our family – think of the cost savings in sewing curtains, pillows, clothing… But somehow it felt extravagant, unnecessary, and even selfish.

What turned the tide?  Watching my sweet husband casually buy himself a series of new power tools – each one with it’s own unique purpose and earnest justification.    Who knew how many different kinds of saws one might need?  As the daughter of a devoted tool man, I should have known better, but still…. Really? Another one?

One day the epiphany arrived.  A sewing machine is a power tool. I plug it in, it makes noise, and I use it to make things.   Much like the cuisinart, the mixer, and the juicer,  it serves a clear functional role in our family life.  I promptly went out and bought myself just exactly the machine I wanted without guilt or hesitation.

I’m writing this in part to share this (for me at least) radical insight, but more importantly to bring up the question of investing in ourselves.  Over and over again in our groups, we have seen moms struggle to justify investing in themselves.  It’s easy to buy clothing for the kids, or pay for a sports camp – and often not so easy to pay for something that feels like it’s only serving our needs.   There always seems to be something that is more “important” to spend the money on.

Maybe this is just my thing.   I’ve always had a hard time spending money on myself.  But I suspect I’m not alone… Thoughts, mamas?

If you haven’t yet entered our giveaway contest for the Make Stuff Together book, you have just 2 more days.  Check out our review here & post your comment on our facebook page to be entered to win!

A wonderful woman in my life is about to have her first baby.  She is beautifully pregnant – her belly round and full and she’s got that glow.  It helps that when we talk on skype the sunlight through her window creates this halo effect around her, but still – at 38 weeks, the woman is glorious.

Gloriously pregnant, and pretty much Done with being pregnant.  I don’t actually know that feeling, having given birth to both boys at 38 weeks and 4 days – each time caught somewhat by surprise and before I truly felt ready to be “done”.  But I’ve been working with pregnant women long enough to know that exhausted but wild look in the eyes that says “Yes – this baby can come any day now, I am Ready.”

While I don’t know what it is to feel “Done”, I do know what it is to hold a newborn baby in my arms and feel my whole world change in a moment. The infamous words spoken to all expectant parents, “Everything Will Change”, so often spoken with a tone of impending doom, or at least perceived as such, are in fact wonderfully true.

Perhaps change isn’t the right word – it implies replacement with one reality gone, and a new one in its place.  I find myself more drawn to the word transformation – at the core we remain true, yet so many aspects of our lives are transformed, from our identity to our ability to pee at whim in private.  Mentoring groups of new mothers I often hear from them a sense of surprise at how far away their “old life” seems – just weeks postpartum it feels almost like a dream that there was a time when you were not a mother to this beautiful child.

This is such an extraordinary window of time in our lives as we wait for the day of birth. It could happen today, or 3 weeks from now, day or evening – it’s a pretty crazy thing when you think about it -  knowing that everything is about to change and yet not knowing When. How to honor this pending transformation?  Too often we are so focused on the changes ahead that we miss celebrating the Now.

I want to tell her to savour this time, to love her round full belly because she may well find that she misses it, to go out with friends and her husband for fabulous dinners and morning teas, to get as many massages as possible,  to enjoy a nice long sit on the toilet without being needed by another human being…

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So I turn to you, dear mamas.  What words of wisdom do you have to share in this unique window of time?  If you could go back in time for a visit with yourself in your final days of pregnancy,what would you love to do for yourself?

Click here to comment…

Hello friends. I am thrilled to be one-finger typing with my left hand while my right wrist recovers from a long overdue surgery for  Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.  The symptoms began postpartum as I struggled with milk production -  pumping 8x a day and using all sorts of contraptions & contortions to feed my boy.  All that repetitive motion (how I wish the pumpease had been available back then!) was my downfall, at least in the beginning.

Nine years later, I think my real downfall has been ignoring it for as long as I have.  Massage, physio, braces, acupuncture & more all served as coping measures along the way, until I tried something silly like knitting and would be right back to the pain.  Ultimately I just accepted it as something that I had to live with – never even got an official diagnosis.

Why ignore it like that? I’m a mom, I’m self-employed, I was pregnant or breastfeeding for many of those years, there was always something.  Even once I decided to have surgery, I waited a full 8 months to schedule it for a time when work would be a bit quieter and the garden not needing any weeds pulled.

I am only 5 days post-surgery, but already the difference is tremendous.  Four full nights of sleep without the pain of carpal tunnel – it’s extraordinary!  It has me thinking about the things we set aside, the needs big and small that we don’t listen to, the excuses made for not listening to our bodies.

So I’m one-handed typing this in celebration (and with just one hand it is taking awhile!) – here’s to finally doing what was needed, and reaping the benefits for years to come!

Things I am looking forward to:

Long nights of uninterrupted sleep from extreme numbness & tingling

Being able to actually hand write thank you cards and love letters

Opening jars myself

Long days in the garden without weeks of pain to follow.

Knitting & needle-felting & embroidery &…………….

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What’s your downfall?

Comment here…

This month’s Mama Renewed is Cari Burdett, mother of 3 beautiful children who shares with us words of wisdom on creativity, motherhood, and visionary self-care. Cari recently gave “birth” to a new baby – her CD “Winter” - offering songs, verses, and sound stories for families.

About Cari

I am a lover of life, music, children, good quality home cooked food and creativity. I am an opera singer, vocal improvisor, teacher of helping people give themselves permission to free their voice and sing sing sing, leader of song with children and more, gardener, alpaca & chicken host.    Three words that capture my way of being in the world are eclectic, inspired & joyful.

Growing up performing and then 10 years of Opera School, I defined myself as a singer.  Because of my life’s path (health and children), I have had to redefine that image and take a deeper look inside to discover who I am. I do know that without singing I don’t feel as much joy. As a mother, I want to be joyful  and so I allow myself to take time out to sing.

Why Mama Renew?

I took Mama Renew because I value connection and respect going beyond the masks to truth.  I admire how Mama Renew brings us together to evaluate and redefine our daily life.   I was seeking connection, witnessing, friendship, self-love and joy.

Lessons Learned

To nurture myself and ask every morning   ”What do I need today – right  now” and then to try and do it! I appreciated the confirmation that we need each other in this life and that it is fine to ask for help and support. I was grateful to learn how simple my basic needs are and yet how challenging they are to maintain..AND that it is possible to move towards a more balanced day that supports my basic needs.

Do I need help? Then ask for it. Do I need support? Then find it.  Do I need courage? Then dig deeper.

Do I need to cry? It’s ok to be vulnerable.

Redefining Self-Care

Self Care means to be honest and present for my needs.  I know my health effects everything I do – so I try to stay on top of essential basics, water, walking, sleeping and most of all- and I stress this – is that I take time to do things I love to do that nourish me – for me it is to SING.

I find I have to take occasional weekends or nights alone.. At this stage with a small baby again ( 8 months ) it will be a while before I do that, but I have continued to take one day every week to make music outside of the home and this is my salvation to finding that essential balance.  I also try ( and I say try because it is not often possible!) to give my self time to sing and create when the baby is sleeping and before the older children come home. When this happens WOW!! I also need to work in the garden about once a week to balance out the other parts of me, which includes cooking good food and keeping my counters clean.

On Creativity & Motherhood
As someone who pursued art for a career, it is always a HUGE question as to how to balance it while being a mother. If you let go of your art all together, we can get lost in the depths of depression . If on the other hand we believe that our own art is the only way to be, then one could lose out on family life and the joys of raising your children…

So where is the happy medium? At what balance do we find the way of  our true spirit calling and letting go of  the ego trip lust for fame – without letting our passion, creativity and inspiration all go down the drain?

We as mothers are allowed to make art and to find time for ourselves. I also believe that we can give ourselves permission to see the art that we already do in the home each and every day and learn also that it is enough at that moment.

In a flurry of impromptu email poetry back and forth with some of the women in my mama circle, these poetic words of wisdom emerged from Mama C., who has graciously allowed me to share them here:

I find myself struck once again by the beliefs and expectations so many of us carry around about who and how we should be as mothers.  I am reminded of how we continue to strive to live up to these expectations from within and without, and how it shapes our days and ultimately our lives.  The last stanza, in particular, rocks:

It’s not pretty
And it ain’t no picture
But I have believed
That I must be there

I try to show up
Brave face painted on
I try to live up
To all those rights and wrongs

To be responsible
For absolutely everything
Including everything forgotten
By all those other human beings

Who have other labels
To hang around their necks
Who have other “occupation”
Boxes to check

I forget to question
Why I’m stuck so far
Up my own definition
Of a mother superstar

- Gratitude to Mama C. for letting me share

I’ve been relatively silent for the past two months.  Left y’all dangling 2/3 of our way through our 30 day Back to Self challenge.  I feel badly to have set it all aside so suddenly and without explanation, but also fully aware that I did what I had to do – I took a self-care detour.

I was sick.  I got sick the day after I announced the 30 day Mama Renew challenge.  I continued to be sick, in fact only getting worse, through the 19 days of the challenge I shared with you.

The only thing I could do was to simply stop everything and do nothing but care for myself.  This was a very difficult step for me.  As part of my 30 day challenge I had committed to one yoga class per day.  Given my long history of making excuses to not have to care for my body, it felt like a betrayal of sorts to finally feel so clear and motivated, and not follow through with my commitment.

So I stopped everything. Even then, having stopped everything, I continued to get worse. Acute laryngitis became acute bronchitis almost became pneumonia became chronic bronchitis.   No work, no yoga, no cooking for my family.  Just pure rest, countless herbal concoctions, a full round of antibiotics just for fun, one emergency room visit when I couldn’t breathe, & several mediocre novels.   My self-care vision took a detour from the yoga studio to the sofa.

A full ridiculous 10 weeks later I am almost fully better. Lessons learned?

• I wish I had stopped everything earlier - I was so caught up in what I had committed to for myself, and for all of you, that I tried to push through.
• Sickness isn’t a bad thing. It allows us to engage in some deep nourishment, and I figure it’s good for the immune system to have the occasional opportunity to kick A__. Sometimes we just need to be sick.
• Cinammon rhubarb vodka (home brew!) mixed with honey, lemon, garlic & ginger tea is so tasty I think I’ll continue drinking it to celebrate my health!

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What does being sick offer you?  How do you handle letting others down in order to care for yourself?

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When we posted on our facebook page asking what kinds of activities nurture your mama spirits, I wasn’t surprised to see the #1 answer:

Spending time with friends.

There is actually a biological basis for this craving we have for a girls night out.  Research has found a key gender difference in response to stress.  While men tend to initiate the fight or flight response, women under stress release oxytocin (yes, the same hormone that is so supportive to healthy birth!) leading them to “tend” and befriend.”

Basically, when we are stressed our tendency is to nurture ourselves & our young (“tending”) and find connection with other women (“befriending”).  Time with friends also helps us create more serotonin, a neurotransmitter that helps to fight depression and creates a sense of wellbeing.

So purely in order to support a healthy sense of wellbeing, I’m doing proper self-care & spending lots of time with my beloved friends.  And I encourage you to do the same.   Now you have a scientific rationale to justify your girls nights out!

Your 30 day Back to Self Challenge for today?

Make a date with a friend.  Purely frivolous, no rationale or justification.  Off you go for a mama playdate!

While you’re at it.. if you happen to live near Vancouver, Port Moody, Duncan or Victoria, BC – join us this month for one of our Mama Renew groups, supporting one another as we seek renewal & balance as women and mothers.  Learn more…

Yesterday I boldly declared:    This week we’re going to find the time, create the time, make the time… Will you join us?

But I don’t have time.

You don’t know how busy I am.

There are so many things on my to do list.

I don’t have childcare.

But I just had a baby.

Not this week but maybe next?

Sound familiar?  Ah, yes…. the challenge of finding, creating, making the time to care for ourselves.  While core needs such as food, sleep and water get met on a basic level, the elements of self-care that nurture our spirit are lower on the list.

All of the above statements are real.   We are indeed busy mamas.

What if, instead of talking about how “busy” we are, we transformed that word to “full”???

“Full” is an apt description of our roles & responsibilities, but also opens the way for a different understanding of how we live.  The feeling of the word “full” reminds me that this is indeed my goal.  I want a full life, one that is fulfilling and alive & full of things that nurture me, my family & my community.

Your challenge today:

Consider one small thing you can do to help you have a more fulfilling day & nurture your mama spirit.

Love to dance?  Have a dance party with your kids.

Longing for the spa? Mix up a homemade facial mask and wear it around the house.

Feeling lonely?  Call a friend now.

Love to Cook?  Call a friend and spend the afternoon cooking together & share the bounty.

Craving mama time?  Watch for tomorrow’s post on spending time alone!

We’re one week into the Back to Self 30 day Challenge! If you’re just joining us now, it’s not too late – simply “Like” our facebook page and join in the fun.

Daydream, by Chantey Dayal

While I hadn’t planned on doing theme weeks, our first week of the challenge seemed to focus on physical self-care. This emerged in part due to my need to care for myself during a miserable cold. It also, however, is the aspect of self-care that is the most obvious. Articles & websites & experts abound telling us about good nutrition, exercise, water and sleep as the path to wellness. But wait, there’s more!!!

We’ve taken steps forward in caring for our Bodies, now it’s time for Spirit as our theme for week #2:

What activities nurture your spirit?

For me, these include creativity, dance, spiritual practice, yoga, alone time…

Here’s the catch: For many busy mamas I know, these are the very activities that too often get set aside in favour of family and household responsibilities. “I just don’t have time” is the mantra I hear over and over again.

This week we’re going to find the time, create the time, make the time… Will you join us?

Much gratitude to brilliant painter Chantey Dayal for the use of her painting for this blog. You can learn more about Chantey on her website & facebook page. Watch for more of her paintings in future postings.

I’ve been sick.   Sick enough that I stumbled over to my neighbors door 2 days ago wearing a full balaclava over my head, a big scarf around my neck, and a sign with the following words scrawled in red ink:

Please Call School – Need Rick Home – Doctor Now

This, after a 5 minute episode in which I enjoyed (not) a croup-like episode alone in the house gasping for breath & certain I was going to die.   Lucky for me my husband showed up from school drop-off just moments later and whisked me off, not to the doctor but to the Emergency Room.   Apparently they don’t like making patients who can’t breathe waiting for an appointment at the clinic.

Official diagnosis?  Acute Upper Respiratory Infection with Laryngitis. Origin?  Viral.  I liked this part – no tough antibiotic decision.  Lovely doctor told me to keep on doing what I was doing – lemon honey garlic ginger tea (she even approved of my addition of homemade rhubarb cinnamon vodka).  And reassured me that when another croup-like episode occured, it would pass, and I would be able to breathe again.

Home again, I settled into two full days of life as a sick mama.  Nestled on the couch with my hot vodka tea, unable to utter even a word to my children as my voice is completely gone.    I’m doing a bit better today, made it to yoga (part of my personal 30 day challenge), and am actually able to sit here at the computer with something resembling focus.  No voice yet, but I’m trying to take that as a blessing.  I’m not all that good at being quiet…

What about the challenge?

I felt horrible announcing the Back to Self Challenge and then disappearing!   My personal challenge for these few days was to simply let go.  No guilt about not working, not caring for children, not cooking meals, not doing yoga.  All my body needed to do was rest in silence.   Thankfully my dear husband works from home as well, and we’ve had two volunteers here to help on the farm, so I’ve had plenty of support and been able to fully let go.

So just a bit late, here is your challenge for days #3 & 4 & 5:

Listen to your Body!

If you need water, drink it.

If you need to pee, go.

If you feel sore, do something about it (yoga, massage, 5 minute stretch…).

If you are craving sex, intimacy, touch… create it.

If you’re full, stop eating!

If you need to go to bed at 7 p.m., do it.

Take Care, Mamas!

Follow our Mama Renew facebook page to join the challenge!

Day #1 was a success!  We heard from women around North America making a commitment to:

stretch, read, study, drink water, hike, drink less wine, go to the salon, clear clutter, tweeze eyebrows, pray…

Sounds like a good day to me!

Interestingly, the #1 self-care intention y’all shared was to drink more water. It’s so simple, isn’t it?   You know the feeling.  You’re thirsty, but you’ve pushed the sensation aside in favour of making school lunches or getting out the door on time. 

We’ve been working with mothers long enough to know that moms are really, really good at delaying that metaphorical sip of water. We’re good at talking about our desire for self-care, our longing for balance, and the challenges we’re facing, and not always so good at taking steps towards change. The busy nature of family life too often takes precedence, and our needs are set aside.

In a breakthrough moment in a Mama Renew group last summer one woman declared water, sleep, and daily exercise to be the absolute core of self-care.  If these are in place, she pondered, perhaps the deeper levels of self-care such as asking for help and knowing when to say no will come more easily.   Let’s find out, shall we?

So for day #2 of the Back to Self Challenge, let’s start with Water.   Lots and lots of water.  Like 8 – 10 glasses today.  & tomorrow.  & the next day!

Follow our Mama Renew facebook page to join the challenge!

The wise women at Nummies.com asked moms if they could go back to before their first baby, what would they tell themselves. These are their answers. Everyone in the video is a mom, and I find myself wishing I had met every one of them nine years ago when I was pregnant with my first…

Enjoy!

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Comment here…

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