Mama Renew

We published a new article on Babyvibe this month sharing creative approaches to building a healthy relationship with the grandparents, one of the more tension-filled relationships for many young families.  Here is an excerpt and a link to the original article:

Are you are blessed to have grandparents who play a positive, supportive role with your family? Or perhaps you have equally involved grandparents who seem to bring more trouble than support? Conflict and judgment were most likely not on your list of things to look forward to when you were envisioning loving grandparents taking your little ones to the park.

Along with the perks of grandparents comes a new realm of relationships, and mother-in-laws (from your side or your partner’s) can play a particularly complex role in this new family dynamic. Our mothers are not the only mommy now, and as you grow into parenthood, they too are adjusting to her new role.

The result? Sometimes beautiful growth as you get to know one another in new ways. Other times? Crazy-making conflict. The last thing mamas need is tension with grandparents, so here are a few Mama Renew tips:

Click Here for ideas to support a healthy relationship with grandma

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

Inspired? Visit our guest post on the All About Mothering blog to find out just how much time I’ve had on my own this summer…and what I’ve done with it all.

Read More at Mothering.com

This quote arrived in my inbox last night from Meghan Rathwell (who also inspired this great post on new motherhood and donated a fabulous prize for our Virtual Retreat this Spring).   Perfect Timing.

One of the things I love about the experience of a Mama Renew group is the way we have room to explore our assumptions about what our lives are “supposed” to look like.  Often we see women asking daring questions, revealing seldom declared life dreams, and feeling a healthy dose of optimism and creativity.

Reaching clear discernment is not a simple task.  Most of us enjoy many, many long discussions full of questions and worries and that wonderful query “What if…?” In a post last May we wrote:

And yet every once in a while, we ourselves, or someone we love, takes the leap and says Yes, somehow moving beyond the world of being sensible.

What is it that allows us to move from “what if…” to “I can”?  As mothers I suspect that the patience for clarity is sometimes harder.  We cannot separate our own life decisions from those of our life as a family, and this can create some considerably thick mud to wade through!

Eventually, however, there is indeed a moment of clarity, and it is very much this feeling of the mud and the muck and the questions and worries and doubts all settling to the ground (even if for only a few moments) and everything is crystal clear.  It is not a moment we can create or plan for.  Clarity simply arrives, often in a profoundly understated and simple way. And then we take the first new and exciting steps forward

**************

We’d love to hear from some of you – How do you know when something is right?  Where do you feel it in your body?  What would you like to say Yes to?

click here to comment!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

Many thanks to Martha of Laughing Volcano Art for the use of her beautiful Blue Girl Leap of Faith image.



Having just completed a 3 day intensive workshop on Regenerative Nutrition with the wondrous Nadine Ijaz, Clinical Nutritionist and Registered Herbalist, I am going through our kitchen with all the fervor of a convert.  Testing grains and oils for rancidity, reading ingredient labels, checking for grain moths, questioning the role of Peanut Butter in our family life…

Seven women, one experimental kitchen, and three full days of talking about food – good food, bad food, and good food gone bad.  All the things I kind of understood, I now know with a new depth of comprehension and commitment.  Fats and oils, sugars, grains, dairy… each element of our family diet has been deconstructed and examined.

I admit to feeling an odd mix of excitement and terror going to this workshop.  Sometimes it’s easier just not knowing.  Still, for every moment of resistance there were two more of revelation and integration. I’m ridiculously excited to be soaking grains, baking sourdough bread, and making beet kvass.

I am, of course, in the midst of the classic transition from “retreat” back to “real life”, and am not entirely sure how to make these grandiose plans work within our busy life as a family.  I also am a firm believer in the 80/20 principle, and have in no way said a permanent goodbye to white sugar.  Time will tell what form these new ideas and practices will take within our life as a family.

Still, I feel like I have taken some significant steps towards a new way of eating, and my primary motivation right now is one of pure discovery.   I figure as long as I’m having fun and feeling creative in the kitchen, I’m on the right path!  Here’s a recipe to get you started:

Toasted Nuts

Soak 2 C raw nuts in water with 1/2 tsp sea salt for 7 – 12 hours.  Drain and place in warm oven (no more than 150 degrees) on a cookie tray until dry & crispy (12-24 hours).

**************

click here to comment!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

Yesterday on our Mama Renew facebook page we posted the query:

What’s YOUR favourite phrase or mantra to keep you going? C’mon, share the encouragement!!

I don’t want your responses to be lost in facebook land so here are just a few of your wonderful mantras:

Live Strong

Good is Good Enough

There is enough time, and every moment counts…

I had a baby…I’m pretty sure I can do this.

Let it Go.

Bedtime and wine time always comes….

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”

If it’s not a good time, it’s a good story.

& one of my favourites….

Everything is going to be alright.

Many (many) years ago I had the joy of playing Mary Magdalene in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar in Lusaka, Zambia (!!)  Mary’s opening song “Everything’s Alright” has become a source of great soothing to me.  My husband sings it when I’m sick,  I sing it to our boys,  I sing it to myself…

I think in the end this is what it is all about. At the core, we know that we have what we need to move through this. “Alright” may look very very different from our ideal world, but it is indeed alright, and we can be fully present and responsive to what the moment demands of us (sounds a lot like birth, yes?).

Here’s a clip from the 1973 movie – enjoy!

**************

click here to comment!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

Have you seen our articles about asking for help?

Now it’s our turn! 

Please help us win the 2010 SavvyMom Top Mom Entrepreneur Award.

From my beginning as a stay-at-home mom teaching the occasional class, to our present team of 14 fabulous women & seven locations, I am in awe of what the past seven years of growth have brought us, and the potential for what lays ahead.

In recent years we have witnessed dramatic changes to the landscape of childbirth and family support.  The advent of social media has transformed how we as a business are able to interact with our wider community.  We have big dreams for Mama Renew & Dancing Star Birth – and this award will allow us to take big steps forward in the realm of online education and support.

If each and every one of you casts just one vote, we have a very real chance of winning.  If you have a friend or partner who could vote as well, invite them to join you!   So please, take just a few minutes to cast a vote for us, and on behalf of all the families we dream of supporting in the years to come.

THANK YOU!

click on the image above, or here to cast your vote.

To vote you will be asked to join SavvyMom.  They have great resources for you to enjoy, or you can easily unsubscribe after voting.

www.dancingstarbirth.ca & www.mamarenew.ca

Keep a list of everything that interests and excites you, no matter how insignificant.

Remind yourself that these are indicators or clues

that both the talent & the necessary Spirit assistance exist to bring them into your reality.

- Wayne Dyer

What sparks you?  We all have a mental list, some high priority and some all but forgotten.  On any given ordinary day we may come across something new for our list, catching us by surprise.

I, for example, have recently grown very intrigued by the idea of growing & wild harvesting mushrooms.  I know this is likely not high on most of your lists, but I really really want to learn.  I haven’t yet truly made the space to learn, and it may be a few more years before it happens, but it’s on my list.  Each time I hear about it I get these ridiculous flutters of excitement – about fungus!   I know the day will come.

At the retreat we did a fun sharing of all the things that interest or excite us that are not yet part of our reality. We went around the circle maybe 5 times, a marvelous discovery of the diversity of women in the room. Turns out we are interested and excited by some very cool things – and somehow just saying them out loud helped each of us feel that they are indeed possible.

Turns out we are interested and excited by some very cool things – and somehow just saying them out loud helped each of us feel that they are indeed possible.  There’s a reason that mushrooms excite me, along with quilting, weaving, sourdough, silversmithing, and a few more that I won’t mention in this very public venue

While part of what holds me back is certainly time, there is also a threshold or line that needs to be intentionally stepped over for each. Sourdough is my newest love to enter my daily life, and now that I have begun & gained confidence in it there is an ease to baking our family bread & the beautiful sourdough pancakes I made this morning.  There is real truth in the slogan “Just do it,”  and once we’re on the other side of that threshold the way seems to open.

What’s on your list?

This is no bucket list, friends, this is a list for Now.  What do you crave?

What began as a last minute inspiration has become a treasured experience.  Thank you to each of you who joined our Mama Renew Virtual Retreat.  While eight of us shared four days together at Hollyhock Retreat Centre on Cortes Island, almost 150 of you joined in for our Virtual Retreat on facebook posting over 500 comments – an experience that I treasure just as much as our time at Hollyhock.

Lessons learned:

1.  Listen to Creative Whims!

It was a whim, really, to create the Virtual Retreat, and I’m still in awe of what it became.  While my mind certainly pondered saying “no” to this last minute project in favour of all the other things on my “to do” list,  my heart knew better.  I’m so glad we were able to share in the retreat spirit with all of you who were unable to join us “live”.  What’s your whim?

2.  Just ask.

It’s one thing to envision a Virtual Retreat, and another to actually create it.  Within 24 hours we were “live”, with a fabulous array of prizes for Virtual Retreat participants.

Deep gratitude to Meghan Rathwell of Nourishing Arts Collective, Kyrani Kanavaros of Klik Photographic, Lisa Marie Bhattacharya of Ocean Light Cottage & Spa on Bowen Island, and Maria Mizuno with Mama Goddess Birth Shop

for their support in bringing the retreat to life and helping the four lucky winners – Megan, Mika, Genevieve & Katy – to bring some renewal into their lives.

2.  Make Room for Connection

It seems to me that we need far more openings for connection as women and mothers.  Your response & engagement blew me away, and I was surprised by the ways in which your virtual participation enriched our group experience at Hollyhock. Thank you all for reaching out – I hope we can keep the dialogue going here, through our RENEW newsletter & on our facebook page!

3.  Eat Oysters Whenever Possible

Ok, so they’re slimy looking & more than a bit intimidating, but we savoured every slurp, as seen in the finger-licking photo above.  While these won’t likely be appearing on our family dinner table on a regular basis, we appreciated the reminder to take risks and try something new.

**************

click here to comment!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

It’s the day after and Life is back to normal.  My husband has a cold.  The kids are back from school.  The garden needs a good weeding.  It is always a striking contrast to step back into our normal reality after such a step away.

We found ourselves musing on the nature of the retreat yesterday – why was it so special?  Time away, of course, is always a treat.  The open dialogue & heartfelt exchange that began from our very first evening together was extraordinary. The nature that surrounded us surely helped us feel held & nurtured.

What really made the difference, however, were the unexpected small things:

1.  Permission to make a mess. With a basket of fabric, threads & beads available 24 hours a day we reveled in the opportunity to begin a project and leave it out without worrying about the mess or our children playing with the needles.

2.  A sense of completion. We finished our tea, our baths, our walks, our creative projects, our meals…no interruptions & all the space we needed.

3.  No Responsibility. Hollyhock staff picked us up at the ferry, carried our luggage to our rooms, fed us nourishing and scrumptious meals, washed all the dishes, and made us feel like queens for 4 days.  All we had to do was enjoy.

4. Oysters on the Beach. On Saturday night we enjoyed the Hollyhock tradition of grilled & raw oysters on the beach.  The first time for a few of us, and well worth the bravery.  They were amazing, especially with their secret recipe topping which I would Love a recipe for.

5. The Tea Nook. So simple, and yet it offered us a beautiful sense of being held.  Water always hot.  A bowl of chamomile flowers & mint leaves to float in our cups.  An array of beautiful teas to choose from.

*****************

Comment here & on our facebook page to win one of our fabulous prizes!

Part of offering a workshop at Hollyhock as a presenter is offering a one night session for members of the wider community.  Lastnight I had the opportunity to mentor a very fun workshop on Making Room for Yes (which of course also ties in beautifully with the fine art of saying No).

Over the course of the evening I became increasingly clear that I had my own No to say.  With a back injury that has now migrated into shoulder & neck I am needing to be very careful with my movements to support healing.  Hollyhock hosts a wonderful early morning row out to a small rock island, however, and I WANTED to go, along with other women from our group.

So this morning I went down to the beach at 6:45 planning to simply photograph them & wave goodbye.  As I said my reluctant but clear “No” the guide welcomed me onto the boat with his 100% support to not row at all.   While saying “no” was hard, saying “yes” was even harder.  To know that 10 other people were going to do all the work while I simply sat there?  Excruciating!  and Lovely.

Your Virtual Retreat task is to consider –   Is there something you need to say No to?  Even if you truly Long to be able to say Yes?  What might open up in your life if you are able to say the No that needs to be said?

*****************

Comment here & on our facebook page to win one of our fabulous prizes!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

As we went around the circle introducing ourselves last night each mother shared a bit about herself & her family.  We passed around photos of our children, and they now are resting on a table in the corner, there to see when we need a reminder, and acknowledged as core to our journey as women.

Then I shared the groundrules.  One of our core rules in Mama Renew groups is no talking about our children.   Now this is hard.  Sometimes it’s really hard.    Another ground rule is to not “mother” other women in the circle.  This means no passing kleenex, no saying comforting things, no suggestions of how to make it better…  Simply holding one another where we need to be.

I went to a Birthing From Within retreat years ago with brilliant writer & visionary Pam England.  At the time I was a relatively new mother – my first born (now was just 18 months old and I was there pumping & praying that my milk supply would make it through and missing him terribly.  That very first night as we began to introduce ourselves “through” our children (I am mother to X and Y and Z…) she stopped us.  We were not there as mothers.  We were there for ourselves, to grow in our Birthing From Within practice.

Having been so immersed in the intensity of new motherhood for the past year and a half I found this to be crushing.  Without identifying myself as Galen’s mother I wasn’t sure who I was, or even what I had to contribute.  I had allowed myself to be consumed by one aspect of myself without nourishing the whole.

Are we mothers?  Absolutely.  We are here because we are mothers. In this time & space, however, we are here as women.

There are other capable and loving people caring for our children.

We do not need to mother them in this moment.  We do not need to mother one another.  We only need to “mother” ourselves.

Hard?  Absolutely.  Essential?  You know it.

*****************

Comment here & on our facebook page to win one of our fabulous prizes!

Just two weeks to go until our retreat

May 27th – 30th 2010 at glorious Hollyhock on Cortes Island…

and if you want to come, but don’t think you can afford it, I’ve got a special offer for you.

Please do call me at 604 254 1100

& I will do my very best to make it possible for you to enjoy this amazing retreat.

Self-care is important – whether our children are newborns or teens, it is a vital part of sustaining ourselves as women and mothers.  With my own children reaching new levels of independence,  I have been musing lately on the ways in which our relationship to self-care is shaped both by the age of our children and their unique needs.

One of the first lessons I learned as a new mother eight years ago was that everything will change.  Sleeping through the night? Oh, that one lasted maybe a week.   My baby that almost never cried?  Teething cured him of that…  Fascination with plugs and outlets?  Just a few anxiety-filled days.   With our boys now six and eight years old, I’ve seen enough stages and phases and things change that I thought would never change, to have absolute faith that we’ll need to adapt all over again one day soon.

Sometimes looking at the intensity of our parenting responsibilities it is easier to simply say “No – I don’t have time for self-care” – we slip into inertia under the assumption that what we dream of just isn’t possible.  Perhaps…the key to successful integration of self-care into our lives is when our plans are shaped by the reality of our life as a family rather than imposed upon it.

Take a careful look at your family rhythm and needs.  Look for the windows of time that you do have and get creative.  Know that the ways you are able to integrate self-care in your life right now are simply your current reality.

As your children grow, so will your range of options for what you are able to engage in for yourself.   Don’t let yourself wait for when it’s “easier” to make it happen – if you’re having trouble fitting self-care into your schedule then it is likely that you need it now more than ever!

******

click here to comment!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

What did you use to do?  You’ve heard mama friends use the phrase:  “Oh I used to…..” , yes? The sentence may be completed with something about creativity, work, travel, culinary arts… You notice a faraway gleam in her eye, and perhaps a sense of regret that this is no longer.

Motherhood does bring changes.  Everyone tells us it will.  “Everything will change – just you wait!”, they warn us.  There is something that happens at birth – an inner shift that allows us to step into this role and support our newborn child in the ways that are needed. We find ourselves giving & loving in ways that we perhaps could not have imagined.

Some things simply don’t fit anymore – activities and identities that we readily set aside, no longer feeling the connection to them that we once did.

Others have simply been set aside – perhaps for lack of energy, time, motivation, or resources. We look back on the days when we “used to….”

And yet there is another way.  In Mama Renew groups we often see mothers who find a creative way to reconnect with an activity or identity from before children.  One mama started her own business using the skills & activities she loved the most from her work before children.  Another started to write again, using a blog to share her thoughts with the wider community.  An adventurous mama returned to burlesque dancing.

Even if it’s just for an hour a month, when we take the time to reconnect with what once was we find new ways to be with ourselves in the midst of motherhood.    As the following quote so eloquently shares:

Anytime we can listen to true self & give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we touch.”

- Parker Palmer

click here to comment!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

This month’s Mama Renewed is Amanda, who describes herself as a mover and shaker – a lover of dancing and a soulful activist.  We supported her through new motherhood in a Mothers Unfolding group, and now as a seasoned mother with our new Mama Renew group on Vancouver Island.

About Amanda

I am mama to Cosmo-Rae, my wondrous four year old girl, and life partner to wonderful Kevin.  I’ve been working for the last decade as an organizer, advocate and facilitator in the student movement as well as involved in several social justice pursuits.  Three words to describe me are Loving, Compassionate, and Striving.

Why Mama Renew?

When my daughter was only 4 weeks old I joined a Mothers Unfolding group in Vancouver.   I was able to get some distance from my experience of complete overwhelm and learn to breathe for myself, along side my babe.  It is no surprise then, that when another major life transition occurred I immediately sought the support of Mama Renew.

I recently moved with my family from bustling East Vancouver to the beautiful Cowichan Valley.  I had a strong sense that Mama Renew would help me grow some friendships and community.  I also wanted to give one of the most precious gifts to myself;  dedicated time to explore my inner being.

New Insights

I discovered that what I have been doing for self-care since my daughter was born no longer meets my needs and desires.  When she was a baby I counted on deliciously long showers, dancing, and copious amounts of fantastic face cream each night.  The sessions gave me a chance to reflect on my core needs and doing so has  transformed my idea of self-care.   I now know that I do best when I create the time and space to go inward, feeling my core self and listening within.

I loved exploring the concepts of ‘village’ and asking for help.  These ideas are at the heart of my personal vision for the world and yet I often struggle to be intimate in community and won’t easily ask for help.

I also experienced the blessed richness that comes from women gathering with intent.  I was reminded how when women are given the chance to be real with each other, shared wisdom flows and we all become stronger for it.

Challenges

I often have a hard time knowing what to let go of and what to say no to.  I’m a yes person, seeing the mighty oak in the acorn comes easily to me.  However it can get distorted just as easily.  I want to learn the power of discernment -  learning to say no to the right things.

Moving Forward

Moving from a large city to a town, leaving my beloved work and watching my child make greater steps towards her independence meant that I needed to get some insight and find renewed inspiration for the journey ahead.  Mama Renew has done that for me and I feel gratitude.