Mama Renew

This month’s Mama Renewed is Amanda, who describes herself as a mover and shaker – a lover of dancing and a soulful activist.  We supported her through new motherhood in a Mothers Unfolding group, and now as a seasoned mother with our new Mama Renew group on Vancouver Island.

About Amanda

I am mama to Cosmo-Rae, my wondrous four year old girl, and life partner to wonderful Kevin.  I’ve been working for the last decade as an organizer, advocate and facilitator in the student movement as well as involved in several social justice pursuits.  Three words to describe me are Loving, Compassionate, and Striving.

Why Mama Renew?

When my daughter was only 4 weeks old I joined a Mothers Unfolding group in Vancouver.   I was able to get some distance from my experience of complete overwhelm and learn to breathe for myself, along side my babe.  It is no surprise then, that when another major life transition occurred I immediately sought the support of Mama Renew.

I recently moved with my family from bustling East Vancouver to the beautiful Cowichan Valley.  I had a strong sense that Mama Renew would help me grow some friendships and community.  I also wanted to give one of the most precious gifts to myself;  dedicated time to explore my inner being.

New Insights

I discovered that what I have been doing for self-care since my daughter was born no longer meets my needs and desires.  When she was a baby I counted on deliciously long showers, dancing, and copious amounts of fantastic face cream each night.  The sessions gave me a chance to reflect on my core needs and doing so has  transformed my idea of self-care.   I now know that I do best when I create the time and space to go inward, feeling my core self and listening within.

I loved exploring the concepts of ‘village’ and asking for help.  These ideas are at the heart of my personal vision for the world and yet I often struggle to be intimate in community and won’t easily ask for help.

I also experienced the blessed richness that comes from women gathering with intent.  I was reminded how when women are given the chance to be real with each other, shared wisdom flows and we all become stronger for it.

Challenges

I often have a hard time knowing what to let go of and what to say no to.  I’m a yes person, seeing the mighty oak in the acorn comes easily to me.  However it can get distorted just as easily.  I want to learn the power of discernment -  learning to say no to the right things.

Moving Forward

Moving from a large city to a town, leaving my beloved work and watching my child make greater steps towards her independence meant that I needed to get some insight and find renewed inspiration for the journey ahead.  Mama Renew has done that for me and I feel gratitude.

The first in our series of Why Hollyhock? posts…if your little one is too young for you to attend our Mama Renew Retreat this year, let this be a nudge to remembering why Mama Time is so important.

*****

Imagine stepping out of the routine to a place where the only responsibility you have is to care for yourself.  No dishes, no work, no carpooling, no sibling squabbles.  Nobody else’s needs come first.

As you imagine such a reality you may find yourself thinking that you couldn’t possibly take 3 nights away from your family, or feel reluctant to ask for that much time & investment for yourself.

We have to step out of the routine to step back into ourselves. It has been said that we have to say a lot of small “no’s” to make room for a big Yes.

This as an opportunity to say a Great Big Yes!

Those of you who say Yes will be surrounded by stunning ocean, mountains, and spring flowers.  You will eat food so delicious and nourishing that you’ll buy the Hollyhock cookbook to try and recreate the goodness at home. You’ll soak in the oceanfront hot tub for sunrise or stargazing and anytime you please in between. You can choose from daily yoga, dance workshops, massage treatments, kayak outings and more.

Every moment of our time together is designed to nurture and inspire, gently nudge and deeply challenge, and give you the space and time you need to reconnect with yourself as a woman and mother.

See you there?   Space is limited!

For mothers of todders, tweens, teens & empty nesters

Visit the Mama Renew and Hollyhock websites to Learn More

or call Sarah at 604.254.1100

and Hollyhock at 1-800-933-6339 x232

A dear friend recently announced her New Years intention with a gleam in her eye:

“I’m going to do things just because I want to.”

So simple, and yet so complex.  Another good friend once shared this wisdom: “The baby comes out, and the guilt goes in.”  Based on our observations from supporting thousands of new mothers, we have to agree.  Our capacity for guilt is astounding.

Why not do exactly what you want?  There are many good reasons – safety, responsibility, obligations… We of course live in relationship with loved ones, work, and countless other responsibilities.  However there is an inner voice that sometimes emerges that perhaps we shouldn’t listen to – the one that says:

“That would be selfish” or “I’d feel too guilty taking time away” or “What if they need me?”

Now I’m not suggesting that life become “All My Needs All the time.”   This isn’t about neglecting the world around us, it’s about listening beyond our guilt voice and gifting ourselves with moments that are lived from the heart.

It could be a simple as sitting down with a good book instead of washing the dishes.  Or as grand as going on a weekend retreat simply because you need some me time.  Either way, you will reap the benefits.  Go ahead, do it Just Because You Want To.

***************

What do you want to do? Just because.

click here to comment!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

The New Year is a wonderful opportunity to declare our resolutions with the best of intentions and the hope that maybe this will be the year . . . .

At the core, our resolutions are often based on our desire to reconnect, rebalance and renew. We’ve all seen friends who successfully make extraordinary changes in their lifestyle, fitness, relationships, and more. We know that resolutions can be met with success, but also require time, dedication and support.

In the busy life of motherhood making a commitment to a resolution isn’t always easy. The needs of family, work, and household can make it difficult to follow through. While stating our desire to change is of course, the first step, it is the following steps are where we tend to lose our way.

Here are a few practical ideas to help you have your best chance at success:

* Talk with a friend who has made a successful change – what helped?
* Share your resolution in a public way – Blog? Monthly e-mail updates? Support group?
* Ask friends to check in with you about your progress.
* Journal the ups and downs and strive to understand the underlying beliefs and patterns that can get in the way of successful change.

What is your next step to support you in living your best intentions in this fresh new year?

Originally shared by Mama Renew on Kindervibe, January 5th 2010

On her recent post blogger Mommy Instincts bemoans:

Why can’t I have it all together?….

I hear you, mama. I hear this over and over again from mothers. I hear it inside my own head all the time. As she writes, “I am in a constant battle with myself.”

I have this vision of what my life could look like if I just had it all together. A lot of it revolves around clutter – the stuff that takes up the space in my life. Some of it is “to do clutter” – you know, the things on the list that I haven’t dealt with, and as a result are weighing on me. Some of it is inner clutter – beliefs & assumptions that I would do well to set aside.

At the core of it all though is this inner belief that so many of us carry – that somehow all the other mothers “have it all together,” and only we are floundering.

While some may on the surface appear to have things “together” in ways you can only dream of, there is always something that has to “give”. Each of us makes our peace with our reality – our unique children’s needs, work & school schedules, our home space – and strives to find a balance that will work.

A balance that will work is a hard thing to find, but I do believe it’s out there. According to the dictionary the true meaning of balance is all about harmonious distribution. I find this enormously freeing.

The mythical life balance and “having it all together” simply isn’t out there – but I do believe that there can be harmony.

In these the final 24 hours of 2009, I invite all of you who are feeling out of whack to ponder: What will help bring harmony & ease into the year to come?

The shifts can be small, and they do make a difference. The first step, perhaps, is releasing our own inner judgment – the very foundation of self-care.

Reaching out and sharing our messy life with those we love helps us know that this struggle for mythical “togetherness” is a shared one. Thank you, Mommy Instincts, for bringing your own inner struggle to this public forum. You’re not alone.

***************

Time for “other mother” confessions – tell us about your piles, your lists, your inner battles with the mythical “other mother.”

click here to comment!

We know that self-care is all about the small moments.  The five minute stretch, tea with a friend, saying no, asking for help…  Each of these nurtures our growth as women and mothers, and represent one step forward on the path of Mama Renew.  In honour of the small moments, we are excited to share with you our new biweekly email & blog update:

Welcome to RENEW

featuring one self-care inspiration

and links to our latest blog postings.

One short inspiring RENEW every other week
No more, no less, sweet & simple.

SNOW DAY!!!!

We realize that those words may not evoke feelings of pure wonder & excitement in all of you.

Along with the glory of a heavy snow fall comes the complete revisioning of the day ahead.  If you have school-aged children, you will know well the quick mental reshuffle that occurs when they are unexpectedly at home all day long.

We got an email from our younger son’s Kindergarten teacher today with the following:

In a circle of friends we were reflecting on favourite childhood memories.  Five out of seven had memories of sharing with family on a now day.  No pressure?! Really.

There is something special about a snow day.  The world is quiet(er).  The desire to bake grows stronger.  Perhaps we too can treat it as a Mama Renew day.  A day of play.  Of embracing the unexpected.  Celebrating our children and their utter glee.

Amidst it all, remember to sit down for a quiet mug of hot chocolate (with whipped cream, of course) while they play.

***************

Favourite snow day memories?

click here to comment!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Group

What have you always wanted to try?  Surfing was my thing.

I’d always wanted to know what it would be like to be out there, but many layers of assumptions prevented me from even daring to believe that I could actually do it. I was too out of shape, not that “type” of person, and the thought of finding a wetsuit that could fit my curves was profoundly intimidating.  Note, the image at left is Not me! But I like her, as though she were the woman inside of me who simply knows she can do this is.

Thanks to my personal journey with Mama Renew, enough of my fears had shifted to allow me to try a surfing lesson when we returned two years later.  While the wetsuit experience was still less than pleasant, I was able to ride wave after wave and couldn’t stop smiling.   Still, I felt inadequate as the only member of the group unable to manoeuvre myself to a standing position on the board.

One year later, and for the past 3 days I have been slipping on a wetsuit with joy and riding massive waves all the way into shore.  No, I’m not yet standing.  I haven’t even tried.   And the wetsuit doesn’t exactly “slip” on.

One more year of Mama Renew has brought me to a unique blend of living adventurously and having the compassion for myself to simply enjoy where I am. I may stand one day, maybe never.  For now I am loving being out there in the surf with the absolute freedom to play with no assumptions, no judging, no limits, just pure beautiful play.

Surfing, by the way, is really really fun.

***************

click here to comment!

And you?  What do you imagine would be really, really fun, but….something holds you back?

Join our Mama Renew Facebook Group for special updates and events.

We are pleased to share with you below the writings of Karen Maezen Miller, author of Momma Zen (2007), Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life (upcoming 2010) and the Cheerio Road blog.  As always she has managed to convey with beauty and meaning the complexity of life as a mother in our world today.

Enjoy her words of wisdom…

The World Needs a Homemaker

by Karen Maezen Miller

Last week I attended a retreat and came home infused with quiet calm and well-being. Then I glanced at the headlines in the newspaper and was shocked anew at the unimaginable depth of pain in this world. The scope of suffering is inconceivable.

How can we respond in the face of this? Where do we begin to do good? I will tell you the only way I know to begin.

Empty the full hampers, sort and wash the laundry without resentment or commentary.

Sweep the floor of dust, mud and crumbs at your feet.

Don’t ask who made the mess.

At the grocery store, give your place in line to the person behind you.

Ask the checker how her day is going, and mean it.

On the way out, give your pocket money to the solicitor at the card table no matter what the cause.

Buy a cup of lemonade from the kids on the sidewalk stand. Tell them to keep the change.

Roll down your car window when you see the homeless man on the corner with the sign. Give him money. Have no concern over what he will do with it.

Smile at him. It will be the first smile he has seen in a very long time.

Write a thank you letter. Yes, a letter. If you do not have a reason to write one, do it without a reason.

Do not fight with your partner, your roommate, your spouse, or your children. If that seems impossible, just do not engage in the next fight, and don’t worry about the one that comes after. It might not come.

Do not try to convince anyone else of your point of view. That’s why they call it “point” of view. The point is just you.

If you feel yourself tensing in frustration, no matter what the circumstance, say, “I’m sorry.”

Do not indulge in despair over the futility of your impact or question the outcome.

Make yourself at home and take care of it as your own. It’s the only one there is.

See the original post on Cheerio Road and enjoy the rest of her writings!

***************

click here to comment!

This past December I sat at our Mama Renew Holiday Party surrounded by some of the most amazing women I know.  After far too much gourmet pizza and wine, we went around the table and spoke our intentions for 2009.  Well, mine was Fabulous, Fit and Forty, a resolution that resonated deeply for both Sarah and myself.

On June 7th I turned 40 years old.

I am now 40 pounds lighter, and I am feeling fabulous.

What a crazy year.  That evening I had no idea how to take the next step, but I knew I had to, that this was my time.  After hip replacement surgery in September, I found myself living without chronic pain for the first time in ten years.  When I decided to walk 60 km in August for the Walk to End Breast Cancer my husband looked at me with disbelief.  He was kind, and tried to be encouraging, but I could see that he thought I was nuts, only weeks ago I had been unable to walk around the block!

The next step was clear.  I began to walk, needing to prove to myself and to others that I could do this.  I am now up to 10 km 3 – 4 times a week and loving it!  I love the walks with friends where we yak and yak, and I love the walks by myself where I am in my music and loving the freedom of movement.  Sometimes as I am walking and feeling no pain I feel like I am flying.

I wanted to do this walk for years, but knew that my hips would make it impossible.   I cried as those women passed by my house with their pink ribbons and exhausted but happy faces.  I cried for the reason they were walking, and I cried because I couldn’t walk along with them.

Well this year, I am walking.  I know I will be crying again, but this time tears of Joy.  Joy that I can make a difference for those who are in the labyrinth of breast cancer like my dear friend Sandra, for those who lost their mothers like my “sister” Maddy, and those who have had to journey through the unknown but have made it through like my “sister” Beryl with her mother. I have breasts, and I have daughters, so I must do this walk.  One foot in front of the other.

That is my new mantra, and I am sure I will say that to myself and my Mama Renew sisters along the 60 km through the streets of Vancouver.   And if I can do it, you can do whatever it is you think you can’t do.  Who knows what next year may bring - I’ll keep you posted….one foot in front of the other.

Support Jennifer-Lee & Mama Renew in the Walk to End Breast Cancer.  Her goal is to raise $3,200.

Click Here to Donate

***************

click here to comment!

Earlier this year I announced my quest to be Fabulous, Fit and Forty.  My stated goal was “to have a toned, healthy body weight that supports my desired active lifestyle rather than limits it.”  With my 40th birthday only 5 weeks away, it is time for an update.

I look back at the past eight years since my first pregnancy and can see so clearly how much of my life energy has been going towards feeling miserable in my body.  I have always loved being tall and big-boned and I do fully appreciate having curves.

Years ago my husband wrote a love poem with the line

“I dance your broad expanse,” and I loved him for it.

In recent years, however, instead of celebrating my broad bum,  I have felt tired, heavy and stuck.

Five months into the quest, a new body is emerging, and the changes go far beyond how my clothing fits.  It has become increasingly clear that this isn’t just about weight loss.

In addition to being 20 pounds lighter (joy!) I am enjoying an abundance of energy and clarity.   I feel strong.  I love movement again – and no longer dread something as simple as going up and down a staircase.  I look in the mirror and I recognize myself.  As this new healthier and stronger body emerges, so is a more alive, joyful & connected spirit.

My 40th birthday is in five weeks and  I will be celebrating with a photo shoot by my dear friend Nancy George.  I look forward to sharing them with you all!

***************

What are you seeking in body and spirit?

click here to comment!

For all that we do, give, love, dream, create, vision….

Happy Mother’s Day!

We gift you with this extraordinary video featuring the original Mother’s Day Proclamation:

***************

click here to comment!

Yes, flowers are lovely and chocolate divine, but we are especially excited about Mother’s Day gifts that Nurture You not just that day but for months to come…  Below are a few of our favourite Mother’s Day gift ideas:

Nurture Your Spirit

Gift certificates are available for you to join one or all of Mama Renew’s summer workshops. We begin with Unleashing Your Creativity on May 13th, 7 p.m. in Vancouver.  Upcoming workshops include Outrageous Living: Reclaiming Adventure, Relationship Changes, and Creating Balance.  Only $30 each, or $100 for all four.  Learn more…

Write Your Story

Check out our blog entry Soulful Writing for Mothers for a few fabulous writing workshops for mothers.  Learn more…

Celebrate Motherhood

Enjoy a grand feast, dancing, ritual & meditation at Chai in honour of motherhood.  Saturday, May 17th.  Learn more…

See My Mother’s Story

This annual performance of My Mother’s Story features a spoken word collage of twenty mothers’ stories.  It is an extraordinary event and is a perfect gift for your own mother or grandmother.  Sunday, May 10th 2009.

***************

What do you want for Mother’s Day?

click here to comment!

We’ve been enjoying the comments and feedback we’ve received from our Raccoon Mama Part I blog entry.  Seems as though more than a few of us find ourselves up until the wee hours.  Most mothers we know have at least the occasional Raccoon Mom night, and some transform into a masked bandit every night.

We know other mamas, however, who have created some pretty strict household rules  for the evening hours.   They share that these have not only helped them stay healthy and have the energy they need for parenting, but also improved relationships with partners and more time for themselves to boot. Here are a few of their ideas:

Always have a candle burning and the lights dimmed at night.  Even better, light the fireplace.

Never ever do any housework at night. Even if the house is a disaster. No sweeping, wiping, scrubbing, picking up, nothing..

Go to bed a half hour before you’re tired to snuggle and chat with your partner or talk with a friend on the phone.

Turn off the computer. Notice how powerful the temptation can be. Ignore it.

These ideas all seem so perfectly simple, really.  Quiet night hours as playtime, nurturing time, together time.  We know some of you are thinking, “But you don’t know how long my To Do list is…”

Babies have an interesting lesson for us here.  Study of infant sleep patterns shows that sleep begets sleep.  Basically, the more sleep they get, the better they sleep.  So much for our attempts to put baby down to bed at 11 p.m. in hopes of a good night of sleep…

Same concept for busy mamas.  The more time we set aside from our busy schedules for nurturing ourselves, the more space and energy we have for the To Do list.  We see this over and over again.  We step out of the routine to care for ourselves, and the routine becomes easier.  The routine hasn’t changed, but we have.

***************

Do you have any rules for your evenings?

What would you like change?

click here to comment!

The kids are asleep.  The house is quiet.  What to do?

The options are many.  We could do the dishes, read a book, check emails and surf facebook, squeeze in a few extra hours of work.  We could hop in the hot tub.  Light a candle and enjoy our favourite music while we work on a craft project.  We could have sex. Sleep is an option too…

Many of us feel that urge to stay up just a little bit later to enjoy every bit of quiet down time possible.  After a busy day of parenting we crave the opportunity to focus on something uninterrupted.

In the Globe and Mail today there was an article exploring the “Dawn of the Raccoon Moms”, those of us who forgo sleep to “work, shop and instant-message in nocturnal peace and quiet.”

From a self-care perspective, we celebrate both the importance of sleep and the peace of a quiet home after the kids go to bed.  We understand the limited number of hours in the day and the need to get just one more thing done.  We know how seductive work, internet, television and a good book can be.

We can’t help but wonder, though, what happens after 2, 3, 4, 5 years of night time play.  It seems to us that the real issue here is that moms aren’t getting the space and time they need during the daylight hours.  In the desire to do it all, we’re grabbing hold of the only time we can find to ourselves.

Logically, we know the importance of sleep.  We know it keeps us healthier and gives us energy.  We Know we’re more patient with our children when we’re well rested.  Still, however, the call of the night owl can keep us up far beyond the time when our bodies and minds are ready for a rest.

Now sometimes a deadline is looming and night-time work is essential.  Or after a really hard day we just want to disappear into a good novel – and finish it that same night!  And there’s no harm in allowing yourself one or two nights a week when the raccoon mama can come out to forage and feast til the wee morning hours.  Maybe, just maybe, though, a sleeping mama bear might enjoy a chance as well.

This started out as a single blog entry, but the ideas are flowing so this will simply be part I on sleep.  Watch for Parts II and III over the next week, exploring ways to savour those glorious evening hours, and how to create more precious daylight hours for ourselves.

*********************

Are you a raccoon mom?

How do you fill your evenings?  How do you feel the next day?

Please click here to comment…