Mama Renew

I love this week.  Adore it.  Look forward to it all year. The final week of the year.  The feeling of being in between, somehow, bringing closure to this year and preparing for what is to come.  I feel a curious peace blended with urgency in this week.  I feel curiously confident that anything is possible.

The Peace: In contrast to the rest of the year, somehow in this week I feel as though I have all the time in the world.  The days feel long and quiet, open to possibility.  I might work, play, cook, snuggle  -  I am confident there is ample room in my life for all of these and more.

The Urgency: It’s time.  To complete long overdue projects and start the new year fresh.  To scrub down cabinets.  To shed unwanted items.  It’s like my pre-menstrual cleaning urges amplified 100x.  I have this insatiable need to clear and clean and begin the new year fresh.  This urgency feels light & free, wide open with potential.

How will you enjoy this most wonderful week?

I’ve been relatively silent for the past two months.  Left y’all dangling 2/3 of our way through our 30 day Back to Self challenge.  I feel badly to have set it all aside so suddenly and without explanation, but also fully aware that I did what I had to do – I took a self-care detour.

I was sick.  I got sick the day after I announced the 30 day Mama Renew challenge.  I continued to be sick, in fact only getting worse, through the 19 days of the challenge I shared with you.

The only thing I could do was to simply stop everything and do nothing but care for myself.  This was a very difficult step for me.  As part of my 30 day challenge I had committed to one yoga class per day.  Given my long history of making excuses to not have to care for my body, it felt like a betrayal of sorts to finally feel so clear and motivated, and not follow through with my commitment.

So I stopped everything. Even then, having stopped everything, I continued to get worse. Acute laryngitis became acute bronchitis almost became pneumonia became chronic bronchitis.   No work, no yoga, no cooking for my family.  Just pure rest, countless herbal concoctions, a full round of antibiotics just for fun, one emergency room visit when I couldn’t breathe, & several mediocre novels.   My self-care vision took a detour from the yoga studio to the sofa.

A full ridiculous 10 weeks later I am almost fully better. Lessons learned?

• I wish I had stopped everything earlier - I was so caught up in what I had committed to for myself, and for all of you, that I tried to push through.
• Sickness isn’t a bad thing. It allows us to engage in some deep nourishment, and I figure it’s good for the immune system to have the occasional opportunity to kick A__. Sometimes we just need to be sick.
• Cinammon rhubarb vodka (home brew!) mixed with honey, lemon, garlic & ginger tea is so tasty I think I’ll continue drinking it to celebrate my health!

****************************

What does being sick offer you?  How do you handle letting others down in order to care for yourself?

Click Here to Comment

We got this message from a mama on our facebook page:

I have an opportunity to go to Hawaii for 3 nights with some friends. I haven’t left my 22 month daughter overnight before. She doesn’t sleep through the night yet. I nurse back to sleep. I’m having heart palpitations just thinking about leaving her and having my partner lose sleep from trying to get her back to sleep. But I really need this retreat. It’s been a long 22 months of co-sleeping and nursing. Do you have any insights?

Dear Nancy,

You’ve got a big decision to make!  The first time away is big for the child, big for the person we leave them with, and big for us.  Most of us feel some range of emotions including guilt, anxiety, responsibility & anticipation.   I hear you divided between your very real need for this time for yourself, and your love and concern for your daughter and partner.

We posted the query on the facebook page to get feedback from others and here are a few highlights:

Both your husband and your daughter will benefit from you coming back rested and happier.  – Joyelle

If you are co-sleeping and you have already breast-fed this long, the bond between you is like superglue.  You deserve it!! – Crystal

I would NOT go. Find your retreats now in smaller ways. Wait till she’s a little older to take that big of a trip. – Lynette

Only you will know if she is (or you are) ready. Just don’t let your self fall into the trap that guilt creates – no one will benefit from that. – Stacelynn

The trick is to trust enough in the importance of the retreat…and not obsess about controlling things back home. – Corine

Contribute your thoughts on our facebook page: 

All of the above are true.  Everyone benefits when mama takes care of herself.  How our children respond to separation is often far less dramatic than we fear.   Each child (and mother) is ready at their own unique time. There is a time of readiness for each of us as women and mothers, and for our children.  If this is not the right time, self-care is still vital & the retreat energy can be created in other ways.  And finally, guilt does not serve anyone.

Now what?

Nancy, I invite you to use some of the following questions as guides:

If you decide to go – how might this 3 day retreat have a positive impact on your daughter & partner?

What are you seeking in this retreat?  How are you hoping it will nurture & support you?   If this isn’t the right time for a retreat, how can you create the time & space you need to care for yourself?

I encourage you to have a journal conversation with yourself  -  with one voice pro-retreat, the other voice representing your concerns around this decision.  Really let yourself explore your beliefs and assumptions about yourself as a mother, about your daughter, and even about your partner.  Listen carefully as you write and notice what is true, and what is coming from a place of expectations or guilt.

I certainly don’t know what the right choice is for you.   Ultimately this is your path to walk & only you can know.   Listen to your heart, listen to your belly, and allow yourself to step beyond assumptions to a place of possibility.

Blessings,    Sarah

Yesterday I boldly declared:    This week we’re going to find the time, create the time, make the time… Will you join us?

But I don’t have time.

You don’t know how busy I am.

There are so many things on my to do list.

I don’t have childcare.

But I just had a baby.

Not this week but maybe next?

Sound familiar?  Ah, yes…. the challenge of finding, creating, making the time to care for ourselves.  While core needs such as food, sleep and water get met on a basic level, the elements of self-care that nurture our spirit are lower on the list.

All of the above statements are real.   We are indeed busy mamas.

What if, instead of talking about how “busy” we are, we transformed that word to “full”???

“Full” is an apt description of our roles & responsibilities, but also opens the way for a different understanding of how we live.  The feeling of the word “full” reminds me that this is indeed my goal.  I want a full life, one that is fulfilling and alive & full of things that nurture me, my family & my community.

Your challenge today:

Consider one small thing you can do to help you have a more fulfilling day & nurture your mama spirit.

Love to dance?  Have a dance party with your kids.

Longing for the spa? Mix up a homemade facial mask and wear it around the house.

Feeling lonely?  Call a friend now.

Love to Cook?  Call a friend and spend the afternoon cooking together & share the bounty.

Craving mama time?  Watch for tomorrow’s post on spending time alone!

We’re one week into the Back to Self 30 day Challenge! If you’re just joining us now, it’s not too late – simply “Like” our facebook page and join in the fun.

Daydream, by Chantey Dayal

While I hadn’t planned on doing theme weeks, our first week of the challenge seemed to focus on physical self-care. This emerged in part due to my need to care for myself during a miserable cold. It also, however, is the aspect of self-care that is the most obvious. Articles & websites & experts abound telling us about good nutrition, exercise, water and sleep as the path to wellness. But wait, there’s more!!!

We’ve taken steps forward in caring for our Bodies, now it’s time for Spirit as our theme for week #2:

What activities nurture your spirit?

For me, these include creativity, dance, spiritual practice, yoga, alone time…

Here’s the catch: For many busy mamas I know, these are the very activities that too often get set aside in favour of family and household responsibilities. “I just don’t have time” is the mantra I hear over and over again.

This week we’re going to find the time, create the time, make the time… Will you join us?

Much gratitude to brilliant painter Chantey Dayal for the use of her painting for this blog. You can learn more about Chantey on her website & facebook page. Watch for more of her paintings in future postings.

I’ve been sick.   Sick enough that I stumbled over to my neighbors door 2 days ago wearing a full balaclava over my head, a big scarf around my neck, and a sign with the following words scrawled in red ink:

Please Call School – Need Rick Home – Doctor Now

This, after a 5 minute episode in which I enjoyed (not) a croup-like episode alone in the house gasping for breath & certain I was going to die.   Lucky for me my husband showed up from school drop-off just moments later and whisked me off, not to the doctor but to the Emergency Room.   Apparently they don’t like making patients who can’t breathe waiting for an appointment at the clinic.

Official diagnosis?  Acute Upper Respiratory Infection with Laryngitis. Origin?  Viral.  I liked this part – no tough antibiotic decision.  Lovely doctor told me to keep on doing what I was doing – lemon honey garlic ginger tea (she even approved of my addition of homemade rhubarb cinnamon vodka).  And reassured me that when another croup-like episode occured, it would pass, and I would be able to breathe again.

Home again, I settled into two full days of life as a sick mama.  Nestled on the couch with my hot vodka tea, unable to utter even a word to my children as my voice is completely gone.    I’m doing a bit better today, made it to yoga (part of my personal 30 day challenge), and am actually able to sit here at the computer with something resembling focus.  No voice yet, but I’m trying to take that as a blessing.  I’m not all that good at being quiet…

What about the challenge?

I felt horrible announcing the Back to Self Challenge and then disappearing!   My personal challenge for these few days was to simply let go.  No guilt about not working, not caring for children, not cooking meals, not doing yoga.  All my body needed to do was rest in silence.   Thankfully my dear husband works from home as well, and we’ve had two volunteers here to help on the farm, so I’ve had plenty of support and been able to fully let go.

So just a bit late, here is your challenge for days #3 & 4 & 5:

Listen to your Body!

If you need water, drink it.

If you need to pee, go.

If you feel sore, do something about it (yoga, massage, 5 minute stretch…).

If you are craving sex, intimacy, touch… create it.

If you’re full, stop eating!

If you need to go to bed at 7 p.m., do it.

Take Care, Mamas!

Follow our Mama Renew facebook page to join the challenge!

Day #1 was a success!  We heard from women around North America making a commitment to:

stretch, read, study, drink water, hike, drink less wine, go to the salon, clear clutter, tweeze eyebrows, pray…

Sounds like a good day to me!

Interestingly, the #1 self-care intention y’all shared was to drink more water. It’s so simple, isn’t it?   You know the feeling.  You’re thirsty, but you’ve pushed the sensation aside in favour of making school lunches or getting out the door on time. 

We’ve been working with mothers long enough to know that moms are really, really good at delaying that metaphorical sip of water. We’re good at talking about our desire for self-care, our longing for balance, and the challenges we’re facing, and not always so good at taking steps towards change. The busy nature of family life too often takes precedence, and our needs are set aside.

In a breakthrough moment in a Mama Renew group last summer one woman declared water, sleep, and daily exercise to be the absolute core of self-care.  If these are in place, she pondered, perhaps the deeper levels of self-care such as asking for help and knowing when to say no will come more easily.   Let’s find out, shall we?

So for day #2 of the Back to Self Challenge, let’s start with Water.   Lots and lots of water.  Like 8 – 10 glasses today.  & tomorrow.  & the next day!

Follow our Mama Renew facebook page to join the challenge!

It’s fall, and there is that crisp, fresh, anything is possible feeling in the air.  Fall feels like a commitment to me – a threshold – a time when I feel an immense freedom and sense of choice.

At the same time I’ve just emerged from a busy summer full of health challenges.  The back to school transition has been smooth, but still a big adjustment as we learn all over again how to do the routine.  We still have a mountain of zucchini to preserve and haven’t even touched the apples yet.  My work to-do list is daunting at best. Even with the new hours of freedom while the boys are at school, I find myself wondering how on earth to make time for it all.

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose….

-The Byrds…

Hold on – a time for every purpose?  I will admit that with everything going on this fall my normal tendency would be to put self-care on the back burner.

Something is different this year.  My sense of fall overwhelm is overshadowed by the awareness that I cannot move forward in a healthy way with all of my commitments without first making a commitment to myself.

Thus… the 30 day Back to Self Challenge!

I challenge you do something every single day to nurture your own return to self.

Keep it simple & manageable – 15 minutes of reading a good novel, 5 minutes of morning yoga, or drinking enough water in a day.

I’ll be posting here regularly – on the blog & on facebook – with musings on my experience and the nature of commitment to self.   Please join me!

What will you do for yourself today?

**************

click here to comment!

My Back to Self Commitment:

I am beginning a 30 day Bikram Yoga (yes, the hot yoga!) challenge starting today.  I look forward to seeing the ways in which it shapes my body, mind, heart & spirit over the month to come.  Yes, I know, this is not representative of the words “simple & manageable” I used above – but I know it is absolutely necessary for my health right now, so I’m going for it!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

Thank you all for your votes for us

as the 2010 SavvyMom Top Mom Entrepreneur.

I believe we have a good chance, but won’t know anything more until mid-October.  For now I feel such gratitude for all your support and the messages sharing what our programs have meant to you.  

Winning this award would mean so much to me – many long hours and much sacrifice for my family have gone into bringing Dancing Star Birth and Mama Renew to life.

At the same time, I recognize that these contests are inevitably skewed – those of us with a larger email list of past and current clients have a much better chance of winning.  Being involved in the mom entrepreneur community has shown me time and time again the depth of commitment and sacrifice needed, and each of you out there doing your best to build a healthy business and nurture your family has my utmost respect.

Thank you again to all of you for your support, not just in this competition, but also for sharing with us your sense of “belonging” to the community of Dancing Star Birth & Mama Renew. It has been an absolute privilege to support each of you in the growth and care of your family.

Thank you all for your support over the years, as clients & colleagues. We promise – you will hear us howling with glee if we win.  And if we don’t, you will see us continuing to do this work that we love, always seeking new ways to support our community.

Blessings,

Sarah & all the wonderful women of Dancing Star Birth & Mama Renew.

The wise women at Nummies.com asked moms if they could go back to before their first baby, what would they tell themselves. These are their answers. Everyone in the video is a mom, and I find myself wishing I had met every one of them nine years ago when I was pregnant with my first…

Enjoy!

***********

Comment here…

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

It’s a cloudy Friday late afternoon in late August and that means one thing:

1.  We have to pick all those perfectly ripe blackberries before the rain comes.

2.  It’s jam time!

We’ve already braved the blackberry bramble and emerged with an abundance of both berries and scratches.  This afternoon I will don my cutest apron and enter the glorious realm of making jam.

Jam making skipped a generation in my family – my maternal grandmother was raised on a rural homestead where food preservation was a way of life.  In later years she was known especially for her pomegranate jelly, and I savoured each and every spoon-full.  I was raised in the suburbs – our jam came from the grocery store, and I never stopped to ponder the possibility of making our own.

I began to make jam in my first years of motherhood.  Somehow it emerged as something that simply made sense – I’m not sure why, really.  I have very clear memories of feeling completely overwhelmed by piles of fruit needing to be processed and a baby needing to be breastfed. How on earth did we find the time? 

The more we made though, the more it simply became a necessity, a strangely essential part of who we are as a family.  Blueberry Spice, Rhubarb Saskatoon, Strawberry, Blackberry Lime, Oregon Grape…these are just a few of my favourites.  Jam, of course, serves somewhat like a ‘gateway drug’ – once you discover the wonders and ease of jam, it’s only a matter of time before you start pickling, freezing, and drying.

For me, food preservation has been a source of wonderful reconnection & renewal, nurturing both my creativity and sense of adventure.  These long hours of canning, drying, freezing, and pickling have become a time that nourishes me, and each step I take “backwards” to our old food ways is actually bringing me one step closer to myself.

******

Favourite jam recipes?  How does making jam make you feel?

Comment Here…

I leave you with the lyrics to the most wonderful tune from Michelle Shocked – Strawberry Jam, sadly I couldn’t find a video of it anywhere.  Picture some fiddles with kind of a spoken word country vibe with a blues edge.

Saturday morning found me itching – To get on over to my grandma’s kitchen
The sweetest little berries was cooking up right –

And then we’d put them in a canning jar and seal them up tight
We were making jam – Strawberry jam, that’s what kind
Yeah, if you want the best jam – You gotta make your own

We have Smucker’s, Welches, Knotts Berry Farm
But a little homemade jam never did a body no harm
A little local motion is all we need – To close down these corporate jam factories
We’ll be making jam – Strawberry jam, mmmm-mm
If you want the best jam – You gotta make your own

Yeah, we have a little revolution sweeping the land – Now once more everybody’s making homemade jam
So won’t you call your friends up on the telephone
You invite ‘em on over, you make some jam of your own
You’ll be making jam – Strawberry jam
If you want the best jam
You gotta make your own

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

We published a new article on Babyvibe this month sharing creative approaches to building a healthy relationship with the grandparents, one of the more tension-filled relationships for many young families.  Here is an excerpt and a link to the original article:

Are you are blessed to have grandparents who play a positive, supportive role with your family? Or perhaps you have equally involved grandparents who seem to bring more trouble than support? Conflict and judgment were most likely not on your list of things to look forward to when you were envisioning loving grandparents taking your little ones to the park.

Along with the perks of grandparents comes a new realm of relationships, and mother-in-laws (from your side or your partner’s) can play a particularly complex role in this new family dynamic. Our mothers are not the only mommy now, and as you grow into parenthood, they too are adjusting to her new role.

The result? Sometimes beautiful growth as you get to know one another in new ways. Other times? Crazy-making conflict. The last thing mamas need is tension with grandparents, so here are a few Mama Renew tips:

Click Here for ideas to support a healthy relationship with grandma

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

Did you know we have a weekly Mama Renew post on Mothering.com?  Here is this weeks’ offering:

In honour of World Breastfeeding Week I want to explore a bit the emotional landscape of breastfeeding challenges.

In a story I have seen repeated all too often, my early months of breastfeeding featured an achingly low milk supply, conflicting professional advice, and well-meaning but deeply hurtful commentary.  This blessed time in my life also included a not-so-nice dose of postpartum depression, a rented scale to measure intake, a supplementary nursing system, formula, goats milk, a variety of herbs and medications, and the requisite hospital grade pump that became a good friend.

It was hard.  Hard,yes, to wake up every 2- 3 hours for a pre-feed-weigh-in, breastfeed, supplemental feed, pump, post-weigh-in, and diaper change.  That was hard.  I ached for the simplicity of putting my babe to breast and simply knowing that he was being amply nourished.

Harder, however, was the emotional journey of acceptance that this was my reality…

Click Here to Read the rest at Mothering.com

******

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

Having just completed a 3 day intensive workshop on Regenerative Nutrition with the wondrous Nadine Ijaz, Clinical Nutritionist and Registered Herbalist, I am going through our kitchen with all the fervor of a convert.  Testing grains and oils for rancidity, reading ingredient labels, checking for grain moths, questioning the role of Peanut Butter in our family life…

Seven women, one experimental kitchen, and three full days of talking about food – good food, bad food, and good food gone bad.  All the things I kind of understood, I now know with a new depth of comprehension and commitment.  Fats and oils, sugars, grains, dairy… each element of our family diet has been deconstructed and examined.

I admit to feeling an odd mix of excitement and terror going to this workshop.  Sometimes it’s easier just not knowing.  Still, for every moment of resistance there were two more of revelation and integration. I’m ridiculously excited to be soaking grains, baking sourdough bread, and making beet kvass.

I am, of course, in the midst of the classic transition from “retreat” back to “real life”, and am not entirely sure how to make these grandiose plans work within our busy life as a family.  I also am a firm believer in the 80/20 principle, and have in no way said a permanent goodbye to white sugar.  Time will tell what form these new ideas and practices will take within our life as a family.

Still, I feel like I have taken some significant steps towards a new way of eating, and my primary motivation right now is one of pure discovery.   I figure as long as I’m having fun and feeling creative in the kitchen, I’m on the right path!  Here’s a recipe to get you started:

Toasted Nuts

Soak 2 C raw nuts in water with 1/2 tsp sea salt for 7 – 12 hours.  Drain and place in warm oven (no more than 150 degrees) on a cookie tray until dry & crispy (12-24 hours).

**************

click here to comment!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page

Yesterday on our Mama Renew facebook page we posted the query:

What’s YOUR favourite phrase or mantra to keep you going? C’mon, share the encouragement!!

I don’t want your responses to be lost in facebook land so here are just a few of your wonderful mantras:

Live Strong

Good is Good Enough

There is enough time, and every moment counts…

I had a baby…I’m pretty sure I can do this.

Let it Go.

Bedtime and wine time always comes….

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”

If it’s not a good time, it’s a good story.

& one of my favourites….

Everything is going to be alright.

Many (many) years ago I had the joy of playing Mary Magdalene in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar in Lusaka, Zambia (!!)  Mary’s opening song “Everything’s Alright” has become a source of great soothing to me.  My husband sings it when I’m sick,  I sing it to our boys,  I sing it to myself…

I think in the end this is what it is all about. At the core, we know that we have what we need to move through this. “Alright” may look very very different from our ideal world, but it is indeed alright, and we can be fully present and responsive to what the moment demands of us (sounds a lot like birth, yes?).

Here’s a clip from the 1973 movie – enjoy!

**************

click here to comment!

Subscribe to RENEW •  Follow us on Twitter • Join our Facebook Page