Mama Renew

Dear Mamas,

I am delighted to have two copies of the fabulous new book Moon Mysteries to give away.   Please comment below for your chance to win.  Increase your chances by liking the Mama Renew facebook page and sharing the link on facebook!  Contest closes at midnight, Sunday December 11th.

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Way back in my twenties as I entered birth work, I experienced a sort of mini-personal revolution learning about the power of women’s bodies – and with it, a discovery of my period as a source of connection rather than dread. And so began years of exploration – trying out cloth pads and sea sponges, charting my cycles, discovering fertility awareness…  It was a wondrous time of discovery and integration, and certainly a core part of who I was growing into as a woman.

Fast forward 20 years, and I am the mother of two growing boys.  I’m aware that I bled sometime in the past few weeks (?) but that’s about as far as my charting goes these days. While I’m still a devoted user of Lunapads and the Diva Cup (a vast improvement on the sea sponge of my early 20s), I’m certainly not feeling the sense of celebration or connection that I did in my 20’s.  While I know this in part due to my crazy full magical life, I do wonder if perhaps being beyond my fertile years also plays into it.

I have been delighted to review a copy of Moon Mysteries:  Reclaiming Women’s Menstrual Wisdom, by Nao Sims and Nikiah Seeds.  From the stunning front cover image, to the wondrous paintings contained within, the book feels more like a treasure than a text, and I have found myself savouring the words and stories within.  Inside you will find the history, traditions and mythology of menstruation captured within 13 moon cycles, each month exploring a different realm of women’s psyche as it relates to the menstrual cycle.  Also included are heartfelt personal stories from the authors own journey, and an absolutely lovely circular chart to use for your own moon cycle documentation.

I truly love their chart.  Along with the moon phases, it has room for us to document our emotions, creativity, sexuality, and energy.  For the first time in years I find myself inspired to begin charting again.  Given that I only have another 10 years or so left of my moon cycle, it would be nice to experience a reconnection as I move toward my next life stage.

I’d love to hear from all of you as well.   I’m giving away two copies of this inspiring book.  Please comment below on one of these two questions  and like the Mama Renew facebook page (let us know in a comment below) for your chances to win – each thing you do counts as a separate entry.  Share this link on your facebook page and get yet another entry!  Contest will close this Sunday, December 11th at midnight.

How has your journey into motherhood affected your relationship to your moon cycle?

Why would you love to have a copy of Moon Mysteries?

I’ve been away for a romantic weekend with my dear husband.  These tend to be times when we get clear together, making plans, setting choices, questioning our choices and patterns… While much of our exploration on this particular weekend has been around financial planning, the core lesson I’m bringing home is about striving to live within our means.

Ok, let’s start by conjuring up images of what it means to live beyond our means:  Reckless and extravagant spending, no limits, whim as the primary determinate of spending rather than pure need…  The notion of “means” I’m exploring, however, goes far beyond our family finances.

While the finances part of this is essential, for me, right now, it’s all about our “means of energy and time, and how we spend them. A friend brought this idea of living within our means up recently and I just can’t stop thinking about it as I go through my days.  I put So much energy into living within my means financially – why is it so hard to hold those boundaries for myself when it comes to energy & time?

When I look at my life I see a lot of roles – mother of two growing boys, wife, 4 businesses to run, caretaker to a 5 acre farm with roughly 40 chickens, one cow, a baby water buffalo, and a cat, and the rather lofty goal of meeting 80% of our family food needs from our own land through year-round gardens, animals, and extensive food preservation.

Where do the “means” of time and energy fit into all of this? None of the above is even possible if I am too drained to function in a healthy way. A big part of it is knowing when to say “no” and “this is enough”. It’s letting go of the extraordinarily high expectations I have of myself and being comfortable with something that is less than my ideal, yet in all likelihood more than good enough.

Here are a few of my ideas so far – I welcome your ideas, or examples from your own life:

1.  I’ve put on a far back burner a few work projects that I’ve been feeling guilty about not completing.  Clearly, they are not a priority right now, so it’s time for me to respect that.

2.  Frankly, preserving enough food for the winter has led me to question more than a few times what “enough” is – maybe 3 jams per month should be enough – instead of 5… To help answer this question, I’ve devised a new food tracking system organizing all our preserved food by month instead of type so we can see exactly what we end up using each month and how much we should make in 2012.  And I suppose that the very fact that we’ve designed a spreadsheet should indicate to you how over the top we are – sigh…

3.  Maybe it’s about planting more onions and potatoes, and less of the beans that need constant picking and canning…

4.  I’ve made a work schedule for myself that includes a few blocks for creative time (I always seem to be too tired at night for this) and fitness.  It adds up to a good 35 hours of work per week, but if it works my hope is that work time will feel more energized and focused because other needs are also being met.

This may be sounding like a dreadfully functional weekend away.  Schedules?  Food tracking systems?  Garden planning?  Fear not, we also enjoyed all of the wonderful things you might anticipate a couple doing on a weekend away from their children. Besides, I assure you – excel spreadsheets can be very exciting….

Down near the bottom
of the crossed-out list
of things you have to do today,

between “green thread”
and “broccoli,” you find
that you have penciled “sunlight.”

Resting on the page, the word
is beautiful. It touches you
as if you had a friend

and sunlight were a present
he had sent from someplace distant
as this morning—to cheer you up,

and to remind you that,
among your duties, pleasure

is a thing that also needs accomplishing.

read the rest here… – you’ll love it.

Wishing each of you some sunlight amidst the green thread and broccoli.

Blessings,

Sarah

All this crafting discussion on our facebook page and blog from yesterday’s Creative Mama post has me thinking about power tools.  I used a drill for the very first time yesterday building the kids a pup tent.  I found it tremendously satisfying.  I understood in a new way why my dear husband loves his tools so much.

Then I went inside and used My power tool:  The Sewing Machine.  When my first beloved sewing machine died I found myself in an unexpected quandry.  I had to buy a new machine, and while we technically had the savings to invest in this way, I just couldn’t bring myself to spend the money.   Bottom line – I didn’t feel I was justified in spending money on something that I wanted, something that wasn’t for our family.

I know that was silly of me – of course it was for our family – think of the cost savings in sewing curtains, pillows, clothing… But somehow it felt extravagant, unnecessary, and even selfish.

What turned the tide?  Watching my sweet husband casually buy himself a series of new power tools – each one with it’s own unique purpose and earnest justification.    Who knew how many different kinds of saws one might need?  As the daughter of a devoted tool man, I should have known better, but still…. Really? Another one?

One day the epiphany arrived.  A sewing machine is a power tool. I plug it in, it makes noise, and I use it to make things.   Much like the cuisinart, the mixer, and the juicer,  it serves a clear functional role in our family life.  I promptly went out and bought myself just exactly the machine I wanted without guilt or hesitation.

I’m writing this in part to share this (for me at least) radical insight, but more importantly to bring up the question of investing in ourselves.  Over and over again in our groups, we have seen moms struggle to justify investing in themselves.  It’s easy to buy clothing for the kids, or pay for a sports camp – and often not so easy to pay for something that feels like it’s only serving our needs.   There always seems to be something that is more “important” to spend the money on.

Maybe this is just my thing.   I’ve always had a hard time spending money on myself.  But I suspect I’m not alone… Thoughts, mamas?

If you haven’t yet entered our giveaway contest for the Make Stuff Together book, you have just 2 more days.  Check out our review here & post your comment on our facebook page to be entered to win!

I am one of those crafty mamas, at least in my heart.  I wander through holiday craft fairs and cruise etsy and ravelry for inspiration.  I adore fabrics and wool and have a stash of both that is overflowing the hutch and bins I had so generously designated as my craft space.  My list of things I want to make is rather long, and my intentions are good, they truly are.

Here’s the catch – since I became a mom my crafty side as taken a back seat.  Like the back seat of a school bus.  And I only have two kids.  When I do manage to work on a project I am in pure bliss.  This is my meditation, my release, my happy place.

The boys have grown older (now 7 & 9), and to my delight – they love crafting too.  So I am utterly delighted with the new book Make Stuff Together: 24 simple projects to create as a family.  Written by Bernadette Noll & Kathie Sever, mavens of the Future Craft Collective in Austin, TX, it is filled with funky homegrown craft projects for us to do together.

This Saturday we sat down together and went through the whole book 3 times over until my boys selected the juggling balls as their project of choice – a gift for father’s day   It was the most delightful of days – between playing with fabrics and getting such pure focused time with my boys, I was one happy mama.

The other bonus?  I was inspired enough to jump back into my crafting piles, and am now making the fridge into a chalkboard, sewing a dress, and creating fabric panels for our front hallway.  High on the list from the Make Stuff Together book are the family talisman , and the appreciation banner -  both beautiful ways to foster a sense of connection and celebration within our family.  And the boys have already sourced an old wetsuit to transform into their new hiking bags (pictured at right) & water bottler holders. 

I have one copy of Make Stuff Together to give away this week.  To enter, simply comment on our facebook page sharing your current craft project (something you either are already doing, or would love to be doing).

Thanks, Bernadette & Kathie, for helping us to remember how much fun it is to make stuff together.

Today we received an email from a woman concerned about the use of the phrase “working mother” for a Mama Renew group we are hosting for mothers who work “outside” of the home.   Here is our response – we welcome your thoughts and perspective as well.  This is not an easy topic!

To Mama Renew,

Re: Offering a Mama Renew group for “working mothers”

er … all mothers are working mothers.
I don’t draw any distinction between paid or unpaid in my definition of working or not. Most mothers are working unsalaried in roles which prop up the rest of society and don’t deserve being classified as non-working.  It is definitely a tricky classification but getting it wrong risks alienating a whole section of women who are mothers.

Our response:

Agreed! The work of motherhood is real, and the lack of economic recognition of women’s contribution to society as mothers is a major issue.

Thank you for writing – I struggled with how to phrase this over & over again, seeking to phrase it in a way that would honour the very real work that we All do as mothers.  While I could have denoted “mothers who work outside of the home”, this phrase suggests that those of us who are self-employed and work from home, are not “working” or do not have “real jobs” – and in today’s marketplace self-employment – both part & full-time – is a major component of women in the work-force. Adding to the complexity is those of us on mat-leave or between jobs, struggling to discern the next best step as women and mothers.  Our culture has not yet allowed for language that can capture the essence of womens work – within and outside of the home.

I am writing this as a woman who has been self-employed and worked 20 – 40 hours a week from home on my business throughout the 9 years of my children’s lives, while also managing to be at home with them full-time. From the perspective of a mom who has worked “outside” the home, I am aware that mothers who are balancing “outside” work & the work of motherhood do have unique perspectives on the themes that Mama Renew addresses, and thrive when they can be in a circle of women struggling with some of the same questions.

For many women who return to their employment after having children, there is a sense of isolation that emerges – we go to work, we go home, and opportunities for building community with other mothers can be hard to come by.  This upcoming Mama Renew group was organized on the special request of a few mothers who do work full-time outside of the home and were feeling a strong need for community with others facing similar questions.

Words are powerful, and can hold very different meanings depending on the reader.   Interestingly, while we can all agree on the very real work of motherhood, just as the phrase “working mother” can be alienating to some mothers who work within the home, phrasing all mothers as “working mothers” can also be alienating to those women who are employed outside of the home and do not see their reality accurately reflected in the wider use of the phrase.

I wish I had an easy answer. I wish our society had better ways to acknowledge and support the work of motherhood, as well as the experience of those of us who are employed beyond the work of motherhood. I wish there were economic recognition both of the work of motherhood, and to support women who either choose or need to work “outside” of the home with quality daycare options and flexible schedules and job-shares. Mama Renew was created to nurture each of us in our unique journey – with the hope that taking some time & gaining perspective on our lives and choices we can all move forward in a way that truly honours who we are and nurtures our families.

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Gratitude to the woman who took the time to share her thoughts.  I now invite all of you to enter into this conversation. What is your experience of the term “working mother”?   I also welcome any further suggestions you may have on phrasing that would better honour the full spectrum of the work of motherhood.

Click here to comment…

Blessings,
Sarah

A wonderful woman in my life is about to have her first baby.  She is beautifully pregnant – her belly round and full and she’s got that glow.  It helps that when we talk on skype the sunlight through her window creates this halo effect around her, but still – at 38 weeks, the woman is glorious.

Gloriously pregnant, and pretty much Done with being pregnant.  I don’t actually know that feeling, having given birth to both boys at 38 weeks and 4 days – each time caught somewhat by surprise and before I truly felt ready to be “done”.  But I’ve been working with pregnant women long enough to know that exhausted but wild look in the eyes that says “Yes – this baby can come any day now, I am Ready.”

While I don’t know what it is to feel “Done”, I do know what it is to hold a newborn baby in my arms and feel my whole world change in a moment. The infamous words spoken to all expectant parents, “Everything Will Change”, so often spoken with a tone of impending doom, or at least perceived as such, are in fact wonderfully true.

Perhaps change isn’t the right word – it implies replacement with one reality gone, and a new one in its place.  I find myself more drawn to the word transformation – at the core we remain true, yet so many aspects of our lives are transformed, from our identity to our ability to pee at whim in private.  Mentoring groups of new mothers I often hear from them a sense of surprise at how far away their “old life” seems – just weeks postpartum it feels almost like a dream that there was a time when you were not a mother to this beautiful child.

This is such an extraordinary window of time in our lives as we wait for the day of birth. It could happen today, or 3 weeks from now, day or evening – it’s a pretty crazy thing when you think about it -  knowing that everything is about to change and yet not knowing When. How to honor this pending transformation?  Too often we are so focused on the changes ahead that we miss celebrating the Now.

I want to tell her to savour this time, to love her round full belly because she may well find that she misses it, to go out with friends and her husband for fabulous dinners and morning teas, to get as many massages as possible,  to enjoy a nice long sit on the toilet without being needed by another human being…

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So I turn to you, dear mamas.  What words of wisdom do you have to share in this unique window of time?  If you could go back in time for a visit with yourself in your final days of pregnancy,what would you love to do for yourself?

Click here to comment…

Hello friends. I am thrilled to be one-finger typing with my left hand while my right wrist recovers from a long overdue surgery for  Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.  The symptoms began postpartum as I struggled with milk production -  pumping 8x a day and using all sorts of contraptions & contortions to feed my boy.  All that repetitive motion (how I wish the pumpease had been available back then!) was my downfall, at least in the beginning.

Nine years later, I think my real downfall has been ignoring it for as long as I have.  Massage, physio, braces, acupuncture & more all served as coping measures along the way, until I tried something silly like knitting and would be right back to the pain.  Ultimately I just accepted it as something that I had to live with – never even got an official diagnosis.

Why ignore it like that? I’m a mom, I’m self-employed, I was pregnant or breastfeeding for many of those years, there was always something.  Even once I decided to have surgery, I waited a full 8 months to schedule it for a time when work would be a bit quieter and the garden not needing any weeds pulled.

I am only 5 days post-surgery, but already the difference is tremendous.  Four full nights of sleep without the pain of carpal tunnel – it’s extraordinary!  It has me thinking about the things we set aside, the needs big and small that we don’t listen to, the excuses made for not listening to our bodies.

So I’m one-handed typing this in celebration (and with just one hand it is taking awhile!) – here’s to finally doing what was needed, and reaping the benefits for years to come!

Things I am looking forward to:

Long nights of uninterrupted sleep from extreme numbness & tingling

Being able to actually hand write thank you cards and love letters

Opening jars myself

Long days in the garden without weeks of pain to follow.

Knitting & needle-felting & embroidery &…………….

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What’s your downfall?

Comment here…

This month’s Mama Renewed is Cari Burdett, mother of 3 beautiful children who shares with us words of wisdom on creativity, motherhood, and visionary self-care. Cari recently gave “birth” to a new baby – her CD “Winter” - offering songs, verses, and sound stories for families.

About Cari

I am a lover of life, music, children, good quality home cooked food and creativity. I am an opera singer, vocal improvisor, teacher of helping people give themselves permission to free their voice and sing sing sing, leader of song with children and more, gardener, alpaca & chicken host.    Three words that capture my way of being in the world are eclectic, inspired & joyful.

Growing up performing and then 10 years of Opera School, I defined myself as a singer.  Because of my life’s path (health and children), I have had to redefine that image and take a deeper look inside to discover who I am. I do know that without singing I don’t feel as much joy. As a mother, I want to be joyful  and so I allow myself to take time out to sing.

Why Mama Renew?

I took Mama Renew because I value connection and respect going beyond the masks to truth.  I admire how Mama Renew brings us together to evaluate and redefine our daily life.   I was seeking connection, witnessing, friendship, self-love and joy.

Lessons Learned

To nurture myself and ask every morning   ”What do I need today – right  now” and then to try and do it! I appreciated the confirmation that we need each other in this life and that it is fine to ask for help and support. I was grateful to learn how simple my basic needs are and yet how challenging they are to maintain..AND that it is possible to move towards a more balanced day that supports my basic needs.

Do I need help? Then ask for it. Do I need support? Then find it.  Do I need courage? Then dig deeper.

Do I need to cry? It’s ok to be vulnerable.

Redefining Self-Care

Self Care means to be honest and present for my needs.  I know my health effects everything I do – so I try to stay on top of essential basics, water, walking, sleeping and most of all- and I stress this – is that I take time to do things I love to do that nourish me – for me it is to SING.

I find I have to take occasional weekends or nights alone.. At this stage with a small baby again ( 8 months ) it will be a while before I do that, but I have continued to take one day every week to make music outside of the home and this is my salvation to finding that essential balance.  I also try ( and I say try because it is not often possible!) to give my self time to sing and create when the baby is sleeping and before the older children come home. When this happens WOW!! I also need to work in the garden about once a week to balance out the other parts of me, which includes cooking good food and keeping my counters clean.

On Creativity & Motherhood
As someone who pursued art for a career, it is always a HUGE question as to how to balance it while being a mother. If you let go of your art all together, we can get lost in the depths of depression . If on the other hand we believe that our own art is the only way to be, then one could lose out on family life and the joys of raising your children…

So where is the happy medium? At what balance do we find the way of  our true spirit calling and letting go of  the ego trip lust for fame – without letting our passion, creativity and inspiration all go down the drain?

We as mothers are allowed to make art and to find time for ourselves. I also believe that we can give ourselves permission to see the art that we already do in the home each and every day and learn also that it is enough at that moment.

In a flurry of impromptu email poetry back and forth with some of the women in my mama circle, these poetic words of wisdom emerged from Mama C., who has graciously allowed me to share them here:

I find myself struck once again by the beliefs and expectations so many of us carry around about who and how we should be as mothers.  I am reminded of how we continue to strive to live up to these expectations from within and without, and how it shapes our days and ultimately our lives.  The last stanza, in particular, rocks:

It’s not pretty
And it ain’t no picture
But I have believed
That I must be there

I try to show up
Brave face painted on
I try to live up
To all those rights and wrongs

To be responsible
For absolutely everything
Including everything forgotten
By all those other human beings

Who have other labels
To hang around their necks
Who have other “occupation”
Boxes to check

I forget to question
Why I’m stuck so far
Up my own definition
Of a mother superstar

- Gratitude to Mama C. for letting me share

I love this week.  Adore it.  Look forward to it all year. The final week of the year.  The feeling of being in between, somehow, bringing closure to this year and preparing for what is to come.  I feel a curious peace blended with urgency in this week.  I feel curiously confident that anything is possible.

The Peace: In contrast to the rest of the year, somehow in this week I feel as though I have all the time in the world.  The days feel long and quiet, open to possibility.  I might work, play, cook, snuggle  -  I am confident there is ample room in my life for all of these and more.

The Urgency: It’s time.  To complete long overdue projects and start the new year fresh.  To scrub down cabinets.  To shed unwanted items.  It’s like my pre-menstrual cleaning urges amplified 100x.  I have this insatiable need to clear and clean and begin the new year fresh.  This urgency feels light & free, wide open with potential.

How will you enjoy this most wonderful week?

Having just watched this wonderful piece on vulnerability, letting go of who or how we think we Should be, and embracing authenticity, I find myself musing:   What makes me feel vulnerable?

Vulnerable is not a word that I would use to describe myself, and yet reflecting now I realize just how often I am in a place of vulnerability…

I see it in my youngest son as well, who braves this world with a smile on his face and abundant enthusiasm, and then every once in a while he simply breaks through to his vulnerability, his exuberant voice becomes small and high, his words crack into pieces that I cobble together to understand his hurt, he crawls into a tiny ball under a blanket in the smallest corner he can find.

While I long for the blanket cave in a cozy corner, that usually isn’t much of an option in my daily life. My moments of vulnerability require me to step more fully into myself & move forward with courage, willing to take the risk. I feel raw, exposed, unsure – and usually aware that if I’m feeling this way it probably means I’m taking a good step forward.

I feel vulnerable when:

I screw up with my kids & feel their hurt and anger

I want to be intimate with my husband

My body isn’t strong enough to do something I want to do.

I am crying

I feel I am not meeting others expectations

I am at the doctors office .

What makes you feel vulnerable?

I’ve been relatively silent for the past two months.  Left y’all dangling 2/3 of our way through our 30 day Back to Self challenge.  I feel badly to have set it all aside so suddenly and without explanation, but also fully aware that I did what I had to do – I took a self-care detour.

I was sick.  I got sick the day after I announced the 30 day Mama Renew challenge.  I continued to be sick, in fact only getting worse, through the 19 days of the challenge I shared with you.

The only thing I could do was to simply stop everything and do nothing but care for myself.  This was a very difficult step for me.  As part of my 30 day challenge I had committed to one yoga class per day.  Given my long history of making excuses to not have to care for my body, it felt like a betrayal of sorts to finally feel so clear and motivated, and not follow through with my commitment.

So I stopped everything. Even then, having stopped everything, I continued to get worse. Acute laryngitis became acute bronchitis almost became pneumonia became chronic bronchitis.   No work, no yoga, no cooking for my family.  Just pure rest, countless herbal concoctions, a full round of antibiotics just for fun, one emergency room visit when I couldn’t breathe, & several mediocre novels.   My self-care vision took a detour from the yoga studio to the sofa.

A full ridiculous 10 weeks later I am almost fully better. Lessons learned?

• I wish I had stopped everything earlier - I was so caught up in what I had committed to for myself, and for all of you, that I tried to push through.
• Sickness isn’t a bad thing. It allows us to engage in some deep nourishment, and I figure it’s good for the immune system to have the occasional opportunity to kick A__. Sometimes we just need to be sick.
• Cinammon rhubarb vodka (home brew!) mixed with honey, lemon, garlic & ginger tea is so tasty I think I’ll continue drinking it to celebrate my health!

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What does being sick offer you?  How do you handle letting others down in order to care for yourself?

Click Here to Comment

When we posted on our facebook page asking what kinds of activities nurture your mama spirits, I wasn’t surprised to see the #1 answer:

Spending time with friends.

There is actually a biological basis for this craving we have for a girls night out.  Research has found a key gender difference in response to stress.  While men tend to initiate the fight or flight response, women under stress release oxytocin (yes, the same hormone that is so supportive to healthy birth!) leading them to “tend” and befriend.”

Basically, when we are stressed our tendency is to nurture ourselves & our young (“tending”) and find connection with other women (“befriending”).  Time with friends also helps us create more serotonin, a neurotransmitter that helps to fight depression and creates a sense of wellbeing.

So purely in order to support a healthy sense of wellbeing, I’m doing proper self-care & spending lots of time with my beloved friends.  And I encourage you to do the same.   Now you have a scientific rationale to justify your girls nights out!

Your 30 day Back to Self Challenge for today?

Make a date with a friend.  Purely frivolous, no rationale or justification.  Off you go for a mama playdate!

While you’re at it.. if you happen to live near Vancouver, Port Moody, Duncan or Victoria, BC – join us this month for one of our Mama Renew groups, supporting one another as we seek renewal & balance as women and mothers.  Learn more…

We got this message from a mama on our facebook page:

I have an opportunity to go to Hawaii for 3 nights with some friends. I haven’t left my 22 month daughter overnight before. She doesn’t sleep through the night yet. I nurse back to sleep. I’m having heart palpitations just thinking about leaving her and having my partner lose sleep from trying to get her back to sleep. But I really need this retreat. It’s been a long 22 months of co-sleeping and nursing. Do you have any insights?

Dear Nancy,

You’ve got a big decision to make!  The first time away is big for the child, big for the person we leave them with, and big for us.  Most of us feel some range of emotions including guilt, anxiety, responsibility & anticipation.   I hear you divided between your very real need for this time for yourself, and your love and concern for your daughter and partner.

We posted the query on the facebook page to get feedback from others and here are a few highlights:

Both your husband and your daughter will benefit from you coming back rested and happier.  – Joyelle

If you are co-sleeping and you have already breast-fed this long, the bond between you is like superglue.  You deserve it!! – Crystal

I would NOT go. Find your retreats now in smaller ways. Wait till she’s a little older to take that big of a trip. – Lynette

Only you will know if she is (or you are) ready. Just don’t let your self fall into the trap that guilt creates – no one will benefit from that. – Stacelynn

The trick is to trust enough in the importance of the retreat…and not obsess about controlling things back home. – Corine

Contribute your thoughts on our facebook page: 

All of the above are true.  Everyone benefits when mama takes care of herself.  How our children respond to separation is often far less dramatic than we fear.   Each child (and mother) is ready at their own unique time. There is a time of readiness for each of us as women and mothers, and for our children.  If this is not the right time, self-care is still vital & the retreat energy can be created in other ways.  And finally, guilt does not serve anyone.

Now what?

Nancy, I invite you to use some of the following questions as guides:

If you decide to go – how might this 3 day retreat have a positive impact on your daughter & partner?

What are you seeking in this retreat?  How are you hoping it will nurture & support you?   If this isn’t the right time for a retreat, how can you create the time & space you need to care for yourself?

I encourage you to have a journal conversation with yourself  -  with one voice pro-retreat, the other voice representing your concerns around this decision.  Really let yourself explore your beliefs and assumptions about yourself as a mother, about your daughter, and even about your partner.  Listen carefully as you write and notice what is true, and what is coming from a place of expectations or guilt.

I certainly don’t know what the right choice is for you.   Ultimately this is your path to walk & only you can know.   Listen to your heart, listen to your belly, and allow yourself to step beyond assumptions to a place of possibility.

Blessings,    Sarah