Mama Renew

I’m going to Mexico with my mom this week.  In the past year we have celebrated our 40th and 70th birthdays, and she wisely proposed that we honour this momentous year with a shared adventure.

We’ve never done this before.  The most we’ve managed is an outing to the mall, a few treasured day hikes, and antique foraging. I haven’t spent this much time alone with her since our tour of east coast colleges when I was 17 – a mere 23 years ago…

It’s a beautiful gift, this time together – I’m stepping away from my family, work, and a greenhouse waiting for me to begin this years seedlings.  She too is leaving behind responsibilities at home, the church, her volunteer work and the garden club. We’re shedding our busy days with the hope to reconnect as women, and as mother and daughter.

As mother-daughter teams go, we’re pretty darned good.  We enjoy and respect one another, and share in our love of colour, antiques, sewing, cooking, and music.

Still, we lead very different lives, and at times we have both struggled to respect the other’s choices and lifestyle. Every visit includes one good squabble and cry, and my husband and brothers all now simply wait for it to come, and know that it will pass…

For this time together I will strive to:
1. Do my best to listen with my heart.  
2. Ask good questions.  
3. Be open to learning something new about her.
4. Enjoy her and have a good laugh every day.
5. Honour all that she has given me.  
6. Share openly about my life & choices.
7. Know that the love I feel for my boys is the same love as she feels for me.
8. Love and appreciate her as she is.

Here’s to hoping that what happens in Mexico,
comes home from Mexico…

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Have you ever managed to arrange for a glorious outing with dear mama friends and found yourselves just talking about your kids? It seems that when we’re together with other parents we can’t help ourselves. I remember coming home from my first baby playgroup and feeling thrilled to have spent 2 hours talking about cloth diapers.

Motherhood has a tremendous capacity to bring women together. The daily life of loving and raising our children brings a sense of shared experience that transcends cultural, economic and social barriers. Yet there is more to talk about than just our children…

Renewal: A Retreat for Mothers is unique in that we will bring together a circle of women at all stages in the journey of motherhood. Mothers of toddlers, tweens, teens, and empty nesters are all welcome. So far those registered have children ages 2 – 24. We have much to learn from one another.

Here’s the catch: We won’t actually talk about our children.

You’ll have the opportunity to introduce them to the group, share a photo and a symbol of their place in your life and heart. And then we’ll set them aside, knowing they are in good hands at home. Our focus for the 4 days and 3 nights will be all about You.

We will explore your journey as a woman and mother – who you’ve become, how you’ve grown, what you’ve set aside, what you celebrate and what you miss. Just you and a circle of mothers who have taken the same bold step as you.

As shared so movingly in this video by Kelly Corrigan, we live our life as mothers in circles, surrounded by others who offer us support, perspective, love, and understanding. We hope our time together will offer a powerful reflection of this shared journey we’re on.

See you there?   Space is limited!

For mothers of todders, tweens, teens & empty nesters

Visit the Mama Renew and Hollyhock websites to Learn More

or call Sarah at 604.254.1100

and Hollyhock at 1-800-933-6339 x232

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We published a new article on Babyvibe today exploring the blessings of nesting.  For now, we will share an excerpt with you:

They call it nesting – this overpowering urge that women have to clear, clean & organize in the final days before birth. It doesn’t take long postpartum to understand why we nest . . . .

Turns out we spend a lot of time at home as new mothers. Having a precious new life in our home brings a new level of awareness to our surroundings. That pile of papers that you’ve been ignoring for months? Now you find yourself staring right at it as you sit nestled on the couch feeding your baby. It was easier to ignore when life was moving faster…

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Celebrating Valentines day may have involved chocolate, cards, and perhaps some good old fashioned romance, but we’re here to offer a different sort of gift.

One year ago we posted about a friend who had been in a longterm relationship, then was listed as single on facebook, and then suddenly reemerged as “engaged.”  A closer look at her profile page revealed the following text just below:

Engaged…with myself.

It’s about time!

I can’t stop thinking about how marvelous that is.  What a gift to all of us who are in relationship with her through facebook.  With a simple status change, she announced to her community of friends that she is committed to loving herself.  We could all use a relationship like that….

And yes, one full year later she is still engaged!

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How’s your relationship with marvelous you?

Perhaps you could use a special date together to help rekindle the romance…

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The first in our series of Why Hollyhock? posts…if your little one is too young for you to attend our Mama Renew Retreat this year, let this be a nudge to remembering why Mama Time is so important.

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Imagine stepping out of the routine to a place where the only responsibility you have is to care for yourself.  No dishes, no work, no carpooling, no sibling squabbles.  Nobody else’s needs come first.

As you imagine such a reality you may find yourself thinking that you couldn’t possibly take 3 nights away from your family, or feel reluctant to ask for that much time & investment for yourself.

We have to step out of the routine to step back into ourselves. It has been said that we have to say a lot of small “no’s” to make room for a big Yes.

This as an opportunity to say a Great Big Yes!

Those of you who say Yes will be surrounded by stunning ocean, mountains, and spring flowers.  You will eat food so delicious and nourishing that you’ll buy the Hollyhock cookbook to try and recreate the goodness at home. You’ll soak in the oceanfront hot tub for sunrise or stargazing and anytime you please in between. You can choose from daily yoga, dance workshops, massage treatments, kayak outings and more.

Every moment of our time together is designed to nurture and inspire, gently nudge and deeply challenge, and give you the space and time you need to reconnect with yourself as a woman and mother.

See you there?   Space is limited!

For mothers of todders, tweens, teens & empty nesters

Visit the Mama Renew and Hollyhock websites to Learn More

or call Sarah at 604.254.1100

and Hollyhock at 1-800-933-6339 x232

Last night I was blessed to join in a circle of fellow Kindergarten parents to explore the theme of the “hurried parent.”  We began by each sharing a recent treasured moment with our child. You could see each parent’s face transform as they described the beauty revealed from those moments of absolute mindful presence with their child.

Me, I found myself reflecting on the routine moments in the day  -  bath & bedtime, meals, bedtime stories…  As a self-employed working mother these are my primary moments with them. I felt sadness as other parents described forest explorations and games, feeling the loss of the hours I am not able to share with them.

In our family we are striving to no longer use the word “busy”, but my life is indeed full. Very full.   I’m doing good work, and I know that my boys take pride in what I give to our wider community, and that my work is an integral part of what helps me feel whole.  This does not change, however, the sense of loss I feel as a working mother.

As we talked, I thought of these routine moments I share with them, and how beautiful they are.  We have our rhythms and rituals, our secrets and treats.  I can’t change how full my life is, but I can have both compassion for myself in this delicate balance I strive to maintain, and I can give my whole self to the moments I share with them.

Miss Ruth, the Kindergarten teacher, took me aside this morning and shared words of experience and perspective as a working mother.   It is good to know that we are living these full lives within a broader community, and the circle of support is there to both honour where we are, and give us that gentle nudge when we need it.

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A dear friend recently announced her New Years intention with a gleam in her eye:

“I’m going to do things just because I want to.”

So simple, and yet so complex.  Another good friend once shared this wisdom: “The baby comes out, and the guilt goes in.”  Based on our observations from supporting thousands of new mothers, we have to agree.  Our capacity for guilt is astounding.

Why not do exactly what you want?  There are many good reasons – safety, responsibility, obligations… We of course live in relationship with loved ones, work, and countless other responsibilities.  However there is an inner voice that sometimes emerges that perhaps we shouldn’t listen to – the one that says:

“That would be selfish” or “I’d feel too guilty taking time away” or “What if they need me?”

Now I’m not suggesting that life become “All My Needs All the time.”   This isn’t about neglecting the world around us, it’s about listening beyond our guilt voice and gifting ourselves with moments that are lived from the heart.

It could be a simple as sitting down with a good book instead of washing the dishes.  Or as grand as going on a weekend retreat simply because you need some me time.  Either way, you will reap the benefits.  Go ahead, do it Just Because You Want To.

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What do you want to do? Just because.

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The New Year is a wonderful opportunity to declare our resolutions with the best of intentions and the hope that maybe this will be the year . . . .

At the core, our resolutions are often based on our desire to reconnect, rebalance and renew. We’ve all seen friends who successfully make extraordinary changes in their lifestyle, fitness, relationships, and more. We know that resolutions can be met with success, but also require time, dedication and support.

In the busy life of motherhood making a commitment to a resolution isn’t always easy. The needs of family, work, and household can make it difficult to follow through. While stating our desire to change is of course, the first step, it is the following steps are where we tend to lose our way.

Here are a few practical ideas to help you have your best chance at success:

* Talk with a friend who has made a successful change – what helped?
* Share your resolution in a public way – Blog? Monthly e-mail updates? Support group?
* Ask friends to check in with you about your progress.
* Journal the ups and downs and strive to understand the underlying beliefs and patterns that can get in the way of successful change.

What is your next step to support you in living your best intentions in this fresh new year?

Originally shared by Mama Renew on Kindervibe, January 5th 2010

On her recent post blogger Mommy Instincts bemoans:

Why can’t I have it all together?….

I hear you, mama. I hear this over and over again from mothers. I hear it inside my own head all the time. As she writes, “I am in a constant battle with myself.”

I have this vision of what my life could look like if I just had it all together. A lot of it revolves around clutter – the stuff that takes up the space in my life. Some of it is “to do clutter” – you know, the things on the list that I haven’t dealt with, and as a result are weighing on me. Some of it is inner clutter – beliefs & assumptions that I would do well to set aside.

At the core of it all though is this inner belief that so many of us carry – that somehow all the other mothers “have it all together,” and only we are floundering.

While some may on the surface appear to have things “together” in ways you can only dream of, there is always something that has to “give”. Each of us makes our peace with our reality – our unique children’s needs, work & school schedules, our home space – and strives to find a balance that will work.

A balance that will work is a hard thing to find, but I do believe it’s out there. According to the dictionary the true meaning of balance is all about harmonious distribution. I find this enormously freeing.

The mythical life balance and “having it all together” simply isn’t out there – but I do believe that there can be harmony.

In these the final 24 hours of 2009, I invite all of you who are feeling out of whack to ponder: What will help bring harmony & ease into the year to come?

The shifts can be small, and they do make a difference. The first step, perhaps, is releasing our own inner judgment – the very foundation of self-care.

Reaching out and sharing our messy life with those we love helps us know that this struggle for mythical “togetherness” is a shared one. Thank you, Mommy Instincts, for bringing your own inner struggle to this public forum. You’re not alone.

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Time for “other mother” confessions – tell us about your piles, your lists, your inner battles with the mythical “other mother.”

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We know that self-care is all about the small moments.  The five minute stretch, tea with a friend, saying no, asking for help…  Each of these nurtures our growth as women and mothers, and represent one step forward on the path of Mama Renew.  In honour of the small moments, we are excited to share with you our new biweekly email & blog update:

Welcome to RENEW

featuring one self-care inspiration

and links to our latest blog postings.

One short inspiring RENEW every other week
No more, no less, sweet & simple.

SNOW DAY!!!!

We realize that those words may not evoke feelings of pure wonder & excitement in all of you.

Along with the glory of a heavy snow fall comes the complete revisioning of the day ahead.  If you have school-aged children, you will know well the quick mental reshuffle that occurs when they are unexpectedly at home all day long.

We got an email from our younger son’s Kindergarten teacher today with the following:

In a circle of friends we were reflecting on favourite childhood memories.  Five out of seven had memories of sharing with family on a now day.  No pressure?! Really.

There is something special about a snow day.  The world is quiet(er).  The desire to bake grows stronger.  Perhaps we too can treat it as a Mama Renew day.  A day of play.  Of embracing the unexpected.  Celebrating our children and their utter glee.

Amidst it all, remember to sit down for a quiet mug of hot chocolate (with whipped cream, of course) while they play.

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Favourite snow day memories?

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Where’s all my soul sisters?

Lemme Hear Y’all Flow Sisters!

On Saturday night ten ordinary mothers went missing.  In their place emerged the Soul Sisters of Sunrise, setting aside beloved wool sweaters and rain boots for a parade of costumes that included evening gowns, bling, 1940s swing wear,  lingerie and fishnets.   The occasion?  The parent talent show fundraiser for our tiny Sunrise Waldorf School on Vancouver Island, BC.

It all started with a simple email invitation, and 10 of us answered with astounding enthusiasm.  By the 3rd night it was clear this was no ordinary talent show act – our set list was anything but tame.  Fever (a la Peggy lee), Candyman (Cristina Aguilera – see below), and um…. Lady Marmalade (Pink & Friends).

Our mission clear, we devoted ourselves to an intensive weekly rehearsals lasting 3-4 hours each.   This level of commitment reveals how much each of us was gaining from the group.  Reconnecting with former lives in theatre, dance & music, a sense of discovery in one another as we let ourselves get wilder by the week, and the satisfaction that comes from creating something special together in a group.

Appropriately, the show was a benefit for a new Social Inclusion program at the school.  Our time together revealed the importance of connecting with other parents in playful, creative ways – getting to know one another beyond the assumptions made in the school parking lot.  Courage, trust and sisterhood were all needed to step forward in glamorous gear and share with our school community our wild side…  Pics to come soon, once I have permission from all my beloved soul sisters.

For now I’ll let you imagine with the video from candyman…

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Inspired? Amused?

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by Sarah

When I was in my early twenties I got really excited about the idea of painting watercolour covers for all my cassette tapes.  Dozens of tape cases and a few paintings in my journals later, I set the paints aside recognizing that i had no great talent or skill in this particular art form.

Here’s the catch:  I really enjoyed it.

And yet I set it aside.  I allowed my thinking brain, my inner judge, to bring an end to an activity that had brought me great delight.

Now, almost twenty years later, I am painting again.  This time on canvas with acrylics.  While dancing.  Yes, I am dancing and painting! My dear friend Sybille offers a Dance Your Painting workshop.  Once a week we gather in circle and she shares our theme for the morning, exploring the energy of each of the 7 chakras.   She guides us into movement and so it begins.

There is no need to stand puzzled before a blank canvas or to come with a brilliant artistic inspiration.  My thinking brain is set aside and as I dance, the images come to me.  When I am ready I pick up the brush and begin.  My paintings are filled with strong colours, swirls and curves.  Each time I feel stuck or begin to Think, Analyze or Judge, my hips begin to sway to the music and I set down the brushes to allow myself to simply feel the painting.

“Don’t try to paint what you feel.  Feel and paint.”

- Michelle Cassou

My days are full and the to do list is long.  Once a week all this is set aside.  The movement, the colour, the unknown of what each dance and canvas will bring.  I am enchanted.

Now for the truly brave moment – here are a few of my works of art for your viewing pleasure!  Grab some wine, crackers and cheese and enjoy my very first gallery opening…

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I got lost recently.  Wandering on a university campus and trying to find my way, I asked first one, then two, then three passersby for directions.  Not one of them could help.  Discouraged, I gave up on asking, somehow believing that if they couldn’t help me then nobody could.

Still wandering 15 minutes later, I took a deep breath and asked again.  This friendly woman shrugged as she pointed to a path and told me to “go down the path through between those 2 buildings and then ask again.”

What a gift.  She helped me as much as she could and ordered me to ask for help again.  In a brief, random encounter she modeled the essential life skill of asking for help, and asking again if needed.

While we grow up hearing the phrase “if at first you don’t succeed, try try again,” when it comes to asking for help sometimes even the first attempt is daunting. How often as a mother do you need help, but hesitate to ask?  Or you ask once, and then give up and move forward without the help you need?

When we ask again, we are stepping more fully into the reality of our need, and believing that the support we need will be there for us.

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Do you need help with something?

Have you asked once?  Twice?

Still need help? Go ahead – ask again!

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You know the feeling.  You’re thirsty. But you’ve pushed the sensation aside in favour of making school lunches or just one more chapter of a good book.  By the time you get around to having a drink you are parched, and find yourself guzzling rather than sipping.

We’ve been working with mothers long enough to know that moms are really, really good at delaying that metaphorical sip of water. We’re good at talking about our desire for self-care, our longing for balance, and the challenges we’re facing, and not always so good at taking steps towards change. The busy nature of family life too often takes precedence, and our needs are set aside.

We got a registration the other day from a mother wanting to join one of our Mama Renew groups.  She described her eager anticipation of the group, “My spirit feels like its about to drink a big, needed glass of water.”  She captured the essence of Mama Renew perfectly.

Many mothers are doing great things with their free time – yoga classes, book clubs, choirs and more.  Each of these has the potential to nurture and inspire, and build a community of support.  There’s something different, however, about the Mama Renew journey.  When we go beyond sips and take the time to enjoy a long cool class of water, we experience a deeper level of nourishing and growth.

Whether you’re enjoying our blog, or taking a Mama Renew group, we hope you’re taking some great big gulps along the way.

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