Mama Renew

I’ve been away for a romantic weekend with my dear husband.  These tend to be times when we get clear together, making plans, setting choices, questioning our choices and patterns… While much of our exploration on this particular weekend has been around financial planning, the core lesson I’m bringing home is about striving to live within our means.

Ok, let’s start by conjuring up images of what it means to live beyond our means:  Reckless and extravagant spending, no limits, whim as the primary determinate of spending rather than pure need…  The notion of “means” I’m exploring, however, goes far beyond our family finances.

While the finances part of this is essential, for me, right now, it’s all about our “means of energy and time, and how we spend them. A friend brought this idea of living within our means up recently and I just can’t stop thinking about it as I go through my days.  I put So much energy into living within my means financially – why is it so hard to hold those boundaries for myself when it comes to energy & time?

When I look at my life I see a lot of roles – mother of two growing boys, wife, 4 businesses to run, caretaker to a 5 acre farm with roughly 40 chickens, one cow, a baby water buffalo, and a cat, and the rather lofty goal of meeting 80% of our family food needs from our own land through year-round gardens, animals, and extensive food preservation.

Where do the “means” of time and energy fit into all of this? None of the above is even possible if I am too drained to function in a healthy way. A big part of it is knowing when to say “no” and “this is enough”. It’s letting go of the extraordinarily high expectations I have of myself and being comfortable with something that is less than my ideal, yet in all likelihood more than good enough.

Here are a few of my ideas so far – I welcome your ideas, or examples from your own life:

1.  I’ve put on a far back burner a few work projects that I’ve been feeling guilty about not completing.  Clearly, they are not a priority right now, so it’s time for me to respect that.

2.  Frankly, preserving enough food for the winter has led me to question more than a few times what “enough” is – maybe 3 jams per month should be enough – instead of 5… To help answer this question, I’ve devised a new food tracking system organizing all our preserved food by month instead of type so we can see exactly what we end up using each month and how much we should make in 2012.  And I suppose that the very fact that we’ve designed a spreadsheet should indicate to you how over the top we are – sigh…

3.  Maybe it’s about planting more onions and potatoes, and less of the beans that need constant picking and canning…

4.  I’ve made a work schedule for myself that includes a few blocks for creative time (I always seem to be too tired at night for this) and fitness.  It adds up to a good 35 hours of work per week, but if it works my hope is that work time will feel more energized and focused because other needs are also being met.

This may be sounding like a dreadfully functional weekend away.  Schedules?  Food tracking systems?  Garden planning?  Fear not, we also enjoyed all of the wonderful things you might anticipate a couple doing on a weekend away from their children. Besides, I assure you – excel spreadsheets can be very exciting….

This month’s Mama Renewed is Cari Burdett, mother of 3 beautiful children who shares with us words of wisdom on creativity, motherhood, and visionary self-care. Cari recently gave “birth” to a new baby – her CD “Winter” - offering songs, verses, and sound stories for families.

About Cari

I am a lover of life, music, children, good quality home cooked food and creativity. I am an opera singer, vocal improvisor, teacher of helping people give themselves permission to free their voice and sing sing sing, leader of song with children and more, gardener, alpaca & chicken host.    Three words that capture my way of being in the world are eclectic, inspired & joyful.

Growing up performing and then 10 years of Opera School, I defined myself as a singer.  Because of my life’s path (health and children), I have had to redefine that image and take a deeper look inside to discover who I am. I do know that without singing I don’t feel as much joy. As a mother, I want to be joyful  and so I allow myself to take time out to sing.

Why Mama Renew?

I took Mama Renew because I value connection and respect going beyond the masks to truth.  I admire how Mama Renew brings us together to evaluate and redefine our daily life.   I was seeking connection, witnessing, friendship, self-love and joy.

Lessons Learned

To nurture myself and ask every morning   ”What do I need today – right  now” and then to try and do it! I appreciated the confirmation that we need each other in this life and that it is fine to ask for help and support. I was grateful to learn how simple my basic needs are and yet how challenging they are to maintain..AND that it is possible to move towards a more balanced day that supports my basic needs.

Do I need help? Then ask for it. Do I need support? Then find it.  Do I need courage? Then dig deeper.

Do I need to cry? It’s ok to be vulnerable.

Redefining Self-Care

Self Care means to be honest and present for my needs.  I know my health effects everything I do – so I try to stay on top of essential basics, water, walking, sleeping and most of all- and I stress this – is that I take time to do things I love to do that nourish me – for me it is to SING.

I find I have to take occasional weekends or nights alone.. At this stage with a small baby again ( 8 months ) it will be a while before I do that, but I have continued to take one day every week to make music outside of the home and this is my salvation to finding that essential balance.  I also try ( and I say try because it is not often possible!) to give my self time to sing and create when the baby is sleeping and before the older children come home. When this happens WOW!! I also need to work in the garden about once a week to balance out the other parts of me, which includes cooking good food and keeping my counters clean.

On Creativity & Motherhood
As someone who pursued art for a career, it is always a HUGE question as to how to balance it while being a mother. If you let go of your art all together, we can get lost in the depths of depression . If on the other hand we believe that our own art is the only way to be, then one could lose out on family life and the joys of raising your children…

So where is the happy medium? At what balance do we find the way of  our true spirit calling and letting go of  the ego trip lust for fame – without letting our passion, creativity and inspiration all go down the drain?

We as mothers are allowed to make art and to find time for ourselves. I also believe that we can give ourselves permission to see the art that we already do in the home each and every day and learn also that it is enough at that moment.

Day #1 was a success!  We heard from women around North America making a commitment to:

stretch, read, study, drink water, hike, drink less wine, go to the salon, clear clutter, tweeze eyebrows, pray…

Sounds like a good day to me!

Interestingly, the #1 self-care intention y’all shared was to drink more water. It’s so simple, isn’t it?   You know the feeling.  You’re thirsty, but you’ve pushed the sensation aside in favour of making school lunches or getting out the door on time. 

We’ve been working with mothers long enough to know that moms are really, really good at delaying that metaphorical sip of water. We’re good at talking about our desire for self-care, our longing for balance, and the challenges we’re facing, and not always so good at taking steps towards change. The busy nature of family life too often takes precedence, and our needs are set aside.

In a breakthrough moment in a Mama Renew group last summer one woman declared water, sleep, and daily exercise to be the absolute core of self-care.  If these are in place, she pondered, perhaps the deeper levels of self-care such as asking for help and knowing when to say no will come more easily.   Let’s find out, shall we?

So for day #2 of the Back to Self Challenge, let’s start with Water.   Lots and lots of water.  Like 8 – 10 glasses today.  & tomorrow.  & the next day!

Follow our Mama Renew facebook page to join the challenge!

It’s a cloudy Friday late afternoon in late August and that means one thing:

1.  We have to pick all those perfectly ripe blackberries before the rain comes.

2.  It’s jam time!

We’ve already braved the blackberry bramble and emerged with an abundance of both berries and scratches.  This afternoon I will don my cutest apron and enter the glorious realm of making jam.

Jam making skipped a generation in my family – my maternal grandmother was raised on a rural homestead where food preservation was a way of life.  In later years she was known especially for her pomegranate jelly, and I savoured each and every spoon-full.  I was raised in the suburbs – our jam came from the grocery store, and I never stopped to ponder the possibility of making our own.

I began to make jam in my first years of motherhood.  Somehow it emerged as something that simply made sense – I’m not sure why, really.  I have very clear memories of feeling completely overwhelmed by piles of fruit needing to be processed and a baby needing to be breastfed. How on earth did we find the time? 

The more we made though, the more it simply became a necessity, a strangely essential part of who we are as a family.  Blueberry Spice, Rhubarb Saskatoon, Strawberry, Blackberry Lime, Oregon Grape…these are just a few of my favourites.  Jam, of course, serves somewhat like a ‘gateway drug’ – once you discover the wonders and ease of jam, it’s only a matter of time before you start pickling, freezing, and drying.

For me, food preservation has been a source of wonderful reconnection & renewal, nurturing both my creativity and sense of adventure.  These long hours of canning, drying, freezing, and pickling have become a time that nourishes me, and each step I take “backwards” to our old food ways is actually bringing me one step closer to myself.

******

Favourite jam recipes?  How does making jam make you feel?

Comment Here…

I leave you with the lyrics to the most wonderful tune from Michelle Shocked – Strawberry Jam, sadly I couldn’t find a video of it anywhere.  Picture some fiddles with kind of a spoken word country vibe with a blues edge.

Saturday morning found me itching – To get on over to my grandma’s kitchen
The sweetest little berries was cooking up right –

And then we’d put them in a canning jar and seal them up tight
We were making jam – Strawberry jam, that’s what kind
Yeah, if you want the best jam – You gotta make your own

We have Smucker’s, Welches, Knotts Berry Farm
But a little homemade jam never did a body no harm
A little local motion is all we need – To close down these corporate jam factories
We’ll be making jam – Strawberry jam, mmmm-mm
If you want the best jam – You gotta make your own

Yeah, we have a little revolution sweeping the land – Now once more everybody’s making homemade jam
So won’t you call your friends up on the telephone
You invite ‘em on over, you make some jam of your own
You’ll be making jam – Strawberry jam
If you want the best jam
You gotta make your own

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