Mama Renew

I love this week.  Adore it.  Look forward to it all year. The final week of the year.  The feeling of being in between, somehow, bringing closure to this year and preparing for what is to come.  I feel a curious peace blended with urgency in this week.  I feel curiously confident that anything is possible.

The Peace: In contrast to the rest of the year, somehow in this week I feel as though I have all the time in the world.  The days feel long and quiet, open to possibility.  I might work, play, cook, snuggle  -  I am confident there is ample room in my life for all of these and more.

The Urgency: It’s time.  To complete long overdue projects and start the new year fresh.  To scrub down cabinets.  To shed unwanted items.  It’s like my pre-menstrual cleaning urges amplified 100x.  I have this insatiable need to clear and clean and begin the new year fresh.  This urgency feels light & free, wide open with potential.

How will you enjoy this most wonderful week?

I’ve been relatively silent for the past two months.  Left y’all dangling 2/3 of our way through our 30 day Back to Self challenge.  I feel badly to have set it all aside so suddenly and without explanation, but also fully aware that I did what I had to do – I took a self-care detour.

I was sick.  I got sick the day after I announced the 30 day Mama Renew challenge.  I continued to be sick, in fact only getting worse, through the 19 days of the challenge I shared with you.

The only thing I could do was to simply stop everything and do nothing but care for myself.  This was a very difficult step for me.  As part of my 30 day challenge I had committed to one yoga class per day.  Given my long history of making excuses to not have to care for my body, it felt like a betrayal of sorts to finally feel so clear and motivated, and not follow through with my commitment.

So I stopped everything. Even then, having stopped everything, I continued to get worse. Acute laryngitis became acute bronchitis almost became pneumonia became chronic bronchitis.   No work, no yoga, no cooking for my family.  Just pure rest, countless herbal concoctions, a full round of antibiotics just for fun, one emergency room visit when I couldn’t breathe, & several mediocre novels.   My self-care vision took a detour from the yoga studio to the sofa.

A full ridiculous 10 weeks later I am almost fully better. Lessons learned?

• I wish I had stopped everything earlier - I was so caught up in what I had committed to for myself, and for all of you, that I tried to push through.
• Sickness isn’t a bad thing. It allows us to engage in some deep nourishment, and I figure it’s good for the immune system to have the occasional opportunity to kick A__. Sometimes we just need to be sick.
• Cinammon rhubarb vodka (home brew!) mixed with honey, lemon, garlic & ginger tea is so tasty I think I’ll continue drinking it to celebrate my health!

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What does being sick offer you?  How do you handle letting others down in order to care for yourself?

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We got this message from a mama on our facebook page:

I have an opportunity to go to Hawaii for 3 nights with some friends. I haven’t left my 22 month daughter overnight before. She doesn’t sleep through the night yet. I nurse back to sleep. I’m having heart palpitations just thinking about leaving her and having my partner lose sleep from trying to get her back to sleep. But I really need this retreat. It’s been a long 22 months of co-sleeping and nursing. Do you have any insights?

Dear Nancy,

You’ve got a big decision to make!  The first time away is big for the child, big for the person we leave them with, and big for us.  Most of us feel some range of emotions including guilt, anxiety, responsibility & anticipation.   I hear you divided between your very real need for this time for yourself, and your love and concern for your daughter and partner.

We posted the query on the facebook page to get feedback from others and here are a few highlights:

Both your husband and your daughter will benefit from you coming back rested and happier.  – Joyelle

If you are co-sleeping and you have already breast-fed this long, the bond between you is like superglue.  You deserve it!! – Crystal

I would NOT go. Find your retreats now in smaller ways. Wait till she’s a little older to take that big of a trip. – Lynette

Only you will know if she is (or you are) ready. Just don’t let your self fall into the trap that guilt creates – no one will benefit from that. – Stacelynn

The trick is to trust enough in the importance of the retreat…and not obsess about controlling things back home. – Corine

Contribute your thoughts on our facebook page: 

All of the above are true.  Everyone benefits when mama takes care of herself.  How our children respond to separation is often far less dramatic than we fear.   Each child (and mother) is ready at their own unique time. There is a time of readiness for each of us as women and mothers, and for our children.  If this is not the right time, self-care is still vital & the retreat energy can be created in other ways.  And finally, guilt does not serve anyone.

Now what?

Nancy, I invite you to use some of the following questions as guides:

If you decide to go – how might this 3 day retreat have a positive impact on your daughter & partner?

What are you seeking in this retreat?  How are you hoping it will nurture & support you?   If this isn’t the right time for a retreat, how can you create the time & space you need to care for yourself?

I encourage you to have a journal conversation with yourself  -  with one voice pro-retreat, the other voice representing your concerns around this decision.  Really let yourself explore your beliefs and assumptions about yourself as a mother, about your daughter, and even about your partner.  Listen carefully as you write and notice what is true, and what is coming from a place of expectations or guilt.

I certainly don’t know what the right choice is for you.   Ultimately this is your path to walk & only you can know.   Listen to your heart, listen to your belly, and allow yourself to step beyond assumptions to a place of possibility.

Blessings,    Sarah

Yesterday I boldly declared:    This week we’re going to find the time, create the time, make the time… Will you join us?

But I don’t have time.

You don’t know how busy I am.

There are so many things on my to do list.

I don’t have childcare.

But I just had a baby.

Not this week but maybe next?

Sound familiar?  Ah, yes…. the challenge of finding, creating, making the time to care for ourselves.  While core needs such as food, sleep and water get met on a basic level, the elements of self-care that nurture our spirit are lower on the list.

All of the above statements are real.   We are indeed busy mamas.

What if, instead of talking about how “busy” we are, we transformed that word to “full”???

“Full” is an apt description of our roles & responsibilities, but also opens the way for a different understanding of how we live.  The feeling of the word “full” reminds me that this is indeed my goal.  I want a full life, one that is fulfilling and alive & full of things that nurture me, my family & my community.

Your challenge today:

Consider one small thing you can do to help you have a more fulfilling day & nurture your mama spirit.

Love to dance?  Have a dance party with your kids.

Longing for the spa? Mix up a homemade facial mask and wear it around the house.

Feeling lonely?  Call a friend now.

Love to Cook?  Call a friend and spend the afternoon cooking together & share the bounty.

Craving mama time?  Watch for tomorrow’s post on spending time alone!

We’re one week into the Back to Self 30 day Challenge! If you’re just joining us now, it’s not too late – simply “Like” our facebook page and join in the fun.

Daydream, by Chantey Dayal

While I hadn’t planned on doing theme weeks, our first week of the challenge seemed to focus on physical self-care. This emerged in part due to my need to care for myself during a miserable cold. It also, however, is the aspect of self-care that is the most obvious. Articles & websites & experts abound telling us about good nutrition, exercise, water and sleep as the path to wellness. But wait, there’s more!!!

We’ve taken steps forward in caring for our Bodies, now it’s time for Spirit as our theme for week #2:

What activities nurture your spirit?

For me, these include creativity, dance, spiritual practice, yoga, alone time…

Here’s the catch: For many busy mamas I know, these are the very activities that too often get set aside in favour of family and household responsibilities. “I just don’t have time” is the mantra I hear over and over again.

This week we’re going to find the time, create the time, make the time… Will you join us?

Much gratitude to brilliant painter Chantey Dayal for the use of her painting for this blog. You can learn more about Chantey on her website & facebook page. Watch for more of her paintings in future postings.

I’ve been sick.   Sick enough that I stumbled over to my neighbors door 2 days ago wearing a full balaclava over my head, a big scarf around my neck, and a sign with the following words scrawled in red ink:

Please Call School – Need Rick Home – Doctor Now

This, after a 5 minute episode in which I enjoyed (not) a croup-like episode alone in the house gasping for breath & certain I was going to die.   Lucky for me my husband showed up from school drop-off just moments later and whisked me off, not to the doctor but to the Emergency Room.   Apparently they don’t like making patients who can’t breathe waiting for an appointment at the clinic.

Official diagnosis?  Acute Upper Respiratory Infection with Laryngitis. Origin?  Viral.  I liked this part – no tough antibiotic decision.  Lovely doctor told me to keep on doing what I was doing – lemon honey garlic ginger tea (she even approved of my addition of homemade rhubarb cinnamon vodka).  And reassured me that when another croup-like episode occured, it would pass, and I would be able to breathe again.

Home again, I settled into two full days of life as a sick mama.  Nestled on the couch with my hot vodka tea, unable to utter even a word to my children as my voice is completely gone.    I’m doing a bit better today, made it to yoga (part of my personal 30 day challenge), and am actually able to sit here at the computer with something resembling focus.  No voice yet, but I’m trying to take that as a blessing.  I’m not all that good at being quiet…

What about the challenge?

I felt horrible announcing the Back to Self Challenge and then disappearing!   My personal challenge for these few days was to simply let go.  No guilt about not working, not caring for children, not cooking meals, not doing yoga.  All my body needed to do was rest in silence.   Thankfully my dear husband works from home as well, and we’ve had two volunteers here to help on the farm, so I’ve had plenty of support and been able to fully let go.

So just a bit late, here is your challenge for days #3 & 4 & 5:

Listen to your Body!

If you need water, drink it.

If you need to pee, go.

If you feel sore, do something about it (yoga, massage, 5 minute stretch…).

If you are craving sex, intimacy, touch… create it.

If you’re full, stop eating!

If you need to go to bed at 7 p.m., do it.

Take Care, Mamas!

Follow our Mama Renew facebook page to join the challenge!

Day #1 was a success!  We heard from women around North America making a commitment to:

stretch, read, study, drink water, hike, drink less wine, go to the salon, clear clutter, tweeze eyebrows, pray…

Sounds like a good day to me!

Interestingly, the #1 self-care intention y’all shared was to drink more water. It’s so simple, isn’t it?   You know the feeling.  You’re thirsty, but you’ve pushed the sensation aside in favour of making school lunches or getting out the door on time. 

We’ve been working with mothers long enough to know that moms are really, really good at delaying that metaphorical sip of water. We’re good at talking about our desire for self-care, our longing for balance, and the challenges we’re facing, and not always so good at taking steps towards change. The busy nature of family life too often takes precedence, and our needs are set aside.

In a breakthrough moment in a Mama Renew group last summer one woman declared water, sleep, and daily exercise to be the absolute core of self-care.  If these are in place, she pondered, perhaps the deeper levels of self-care such as asking for help and knowing when to say no will come more easily.   Let’s find out, shall we?

So for day #2 of the Back to Self Challenge, let’s start with Water.   Lots and lots of water.  Like 8 – 10 glasses today.  & tomorrow.  & the next day!

Follow our Mama Renew facebook page to join the challenge!

The wise women at Nummies.com asked moms if they could go back to before their first baby, what would they tell themselves. These are their answers. Everyone in the video is a mom, and I find myself wishing I had met every one of them nine years ago when I was pregnant with my first…

Enjoy!

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We thought we’d offer something special for all you wonderful women who will not be able to join us at Hollyhock this weekend for Renewal:  A Retreat for Mothers. Instead you can enjoy our unique virtual retreat and have the opportunity to win one of the fabulous prizes below!

Want to enjoy our Virtual Retreat? All you need to do is be a member of our Mama Renew Facebook Page – sweet & simple. You will enjoy daily facebook posts with inspiring quotes & creative ideas to bring the Mama Renew spirit into your weekend.   All those attending our virtual retreat will have the opportunity to enter one of four fabulous prize packages designed to nurture & nourish you as a woman and mother.

How to Enter?

First, join our facebook page.  You receive one entry each time you leave a comment on any post on our blog or facebook page between now and Monday, May 30th 2010 at 10 p.m. (multiple entries allowed!).

Lucky Mama Prize Package

Create your own retreat with one complimentary night’s stay for two at Ocean Light Cottage & Spa where you will enjoy the best of Bowen Island’s beauty and abundance.  Includes an organic continental breakfast and an infrared sauna session! Value $200.

Beautiful Mama Prize Package

Celebrate your beauty with a modern portrait by acclaimed photographer Kyrani Kanavaros of Klik Photographic. Kyrani’s portraits are a personal reflection of the essence of the self, captured in a moment, and treasured forever.  Value $495 includes one hour photo shoot, online proofing gallery & a CD of 4×6 jpg photos.

Nourished Mama Prize Package

Nourish yourself with a personalized plan from Holistic Nutritionist Meghan Rathwell.  She will help you meet your wellness goals – renewing energy and creating ease in the kitchen (It’s possible, we promise!)  A 75 minute personal consultation can be done by phone or in person.  Value $95.

Nurture yourself with this luscious calming package from Mama Goddess Birth Shop, your online resource & store for birthing and growing families.  Submerse yourself in Mama Goddess Calming Bath Salts.  Revisit your serenity anywhere & anytime with the Calming Mama Spritzer.  Soothe your body and soul with a warm cup of Calming Mama Tea.  Dim the lights and relax with the glow of an all natural Hummingbird Beeswax Candle & Votives.  Value $75.

I got lost recently.  Wandering on a university campus and trying to find my way, I asked first one, then two, then three passersby for directions.  Not one of them could help.  Discouraged, I gave up on asking, somehow believing that if they couldn’t help me then nobody could.

Still wandering 15 minutes later, I took a deep breath and asked again.  This friendly woman shrugged as she pointed to a path and told me to “go down the path through between those 2 buildings and then ask again.”

What a gift.  She helped me as much as she could and ordered me to ask for help again.  In a brief, random encounter she modeled the essential life skill of asking for help, and asking again if needed.

While we grow up hearing the phrase “if at first you don’t succeed, try try again,” when it comes to asking for help sometimes even the first attempt is daunting. How often as a mother do you need help, but hesitate to ask?  Or you ask once, and then give up and move forward without the help you need?

When we ask again, we are stepping more fully into the reality of our need, and believing that the support we need will be there for us.

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Do you need help with something?

Have you asked once?  Twice?

Still need help? Go ahead – ask again!

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You know the feeling.  You’re thirsty. But you’ve pushed the sensation aside in favour of making school lunches or just one more chapter of a good book.  By the time you get around to having a drink you are parched, and find yourself guzzling rather than sipping.

We’ve been working with mothers long enough to know that moms are really, really good at delaying that metaphorical sip of water. We’re good at talking about our desire for self-care, our longing for balance, and the challenges we’re facing, and not always so good at taking steps towards change. The busy nature of family life too often takes precedence, and our needs are set aside.

We got a registration the other day from a mother wanting to join one of our Mama Renew groups.  She described her eager anticipation of the group, “My spirit feels like its about to drink a big, needed glass of water.”  She captured the essence of Mama Renew perfectly.

Many mothers are doing great things with their free time – yoga classes, book clubs, choirs and more.  Each of these has the potential to nurture and inspire, and build a community of support.  There’s something different, however, about the Mama Renew journey.  When we go beyond sips and take the time to enjoy a long cool class of water, we experience a deeper level of nourishing and growth.

Whether you’re enjoying our blog, or taking a Mama Renew group, we hope you’re taking some great big gulps along the way.

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